Bachelorette Page #2

Your ex-boyfriend who

ruined your f***ing life

is gonna be there.

That jerk.

All this pent-up frustration,

sitting next to some dude

you're never gonna see again.

That would warrant a 10.

Well... How about this guy?

Oh, no. I feel like I'll

definitely see you again.

Oh, my goodness.

Bee!

Look at her!

Bee-Face.

Aw, Bees!

We're together again!

Everything's okay, you guys.

All right.

How are we gonna get through

the next twelve hours?

Gena brought cocaine!

Oh, my god.

Let's use our indoor voices, about it...

you know...

Here's the deal, though.

We need to do some before

the bachelorette party.

Uh, it's not that

kind of a party.

Hear me out.

We don't want to share our

coke with rando bridesmaids.

It's for us.

It's true.

Bee-yatch-faces!

Ah-hah!

Woo!

I'm so excited, I

could buy a gun.

You guys are all

here, at my wedding.

Me... Isn't it just crazy?

Did Regan tell you guys

just how excited I am?

Yeah.

I see Regan all the time.

I'm sick of her.

Yeah. Feeling's mutual.

I'm so sick of you.

I'm sick of you, too.

There's my sick, running

down your shoulder.

Yuck!

You are the first

Bee-Face to get married.

Oh.

I'm gonna cry.

No, don't cry, 'cause

then I will cry too.

Like when we all watched

Princess Di's funeral

together, you remember that?

Too soon.

That was like fifteen

years ago, pal.

Uh, that was like

four years ago.

It was fifteen

years ago, Katie.

It was five years ago.

I think I know

when Lady Diana died.

Did Regan explain to you

about the par-tay tonight?

I was just trying to

tell them that, yes...

Well, okay. It's a little

last-minute,

- but... We are having champagne...

- Ooh!

...and ice cream,

in our suite after

the rehearsal dinner.

Great!

And then we're gonna

like, party, right?

Like ah... like woo!

Like mm... Oh.

I know.

Yeah, boring.

Right.

Old, boring, almost-married

lady right here.

Yeah, it's just that uh,

a lot of the bridesmaids

came from out of town,

so I just had to keep

it really low-key.

And besides, I'm not a

big partier anymore.

Not like some people.

These two.

So... all right, well... I

think our car is waiting,

so let's all go.

Oh. Let's go.

Byeee... We're totally gonna

keep it low-key, too.

That's what we

were talking about.

Just keeping it low-key.

That's the kind

of girls we are.

Let's do some coke.

Yes!

Look at these people,

just desperate,

terrible, all of them.

They want to be like, in

what, legalized slavery?

That's what it is,

it's like a Jane

Austen novel on crack.

That's exactly right.

Should we do some more coke?

If you do anymore coke,

somebody's dick is

gonna get sucked.

Oh... #

Here we go.

To you and your

beautiful daughter.

Yes, indeed.

Victoria,

are you feeling

confident about tomorrow?

Your walk down the aisle

was a little bumpy.

Was it bumpy?

I don't remember it being bumpy.

Are you kidding? Best man,

mother of the bride?

We got this on lockdown,

don't we, Victoria?

He's handsome and funny.

Are you married, Trevor?

No.

Oh. Yeah. No, no.

I'm trying, though.

I'm just, you know...

haven't found the

right girl yet.

Hey.

You know how Becky

wanted to keep it low-key?

Well... I got a stripper for

the bachelorette party.

Stop your lies.

You don't know any strippers.

I do.

I know a freelance stripper.

That sounds amazing.

What's going on?

I just don't know...

how to do it.

Like in a bathtub,

with rope... I just

I gotta go do something.

Okay.

Please don't leave me alone.

Now honey, why can't you...

- ...find a nice man like this?

- Hmm?

Oh, come on.

Frank is never

gonna commit to you.

Frank? Who's Frank?

Her boyfriend.

He's doing his residency.

He'll be here tomorrow.

Yeah... Wow.

I bet he's busy a lot.

Tough to commit that way.

Let's just say

hi to Aunt Janey, okay?

You don't want to be rude.

If you get bored,

I'll be right here.

Can I get you anything?

I'm-I'm good, actually.

- Hey.

- Hey.

Joe.

Joe... Barnes?

From back in the...

we went to...

high school together...

Do you...?

Do you have a job?

A job? Like out- like a...

yeah, I have a job um,

uh, in the world.

computer programming, actually.

Like a Steve Jobs

kind of thing?

Uh, hmm, kind- err, no.

Not at all, actually.

I didn't found Apple.

You don't remember me, do you?

Ah... The honeymoon

is a total surprise.

I haven't told her yet, but

I'm gonna blow her mind.

Boar hunting?

We're going to central Germany.

It's incredible. We should...

Gena?

Hi...

Hi, Clyde.

I haven't seen you since...

...that thing.

...since that thing I

grew up next to Becky,

so I was kind of around a lot.

We would hang out

a little bit, and then

into high school, we were

in French class together.

Wait. I took French?

Yes.

You actually used to

copy my homework.

But no, it's-it's good.

I just wanted to say hi, and...

and uh...

say the hellos.

I-I sold you pot.

Oh, Joe!

That's-that's me.

You've got bangs!

Yeah, new bangs.

Do you have some?

Remember how I was telling you

about the Bee-Faces,

Becky's friends?

This is Gena Myers,

she's one of them.

Oh, hi.

Gena, this is my

sister, Stefanie.

Nice to meet you, Mrs. Myers.

Oh, no. I'm not married.

And um, I'm not an

adult, either, so...

Excuse me for a second.

The natives are

getting restless.

Oh... You two know each other from...

...high school.

...since I was your age.

All right. I'm gonna go

sit down, but um... Okay.

...will you come

sit next to me?

Uh, well, whatever those

little place-cards say, okay?

Bye...

What?

I didn't say anything.

That is a... dress?

No, this is a T-shirt.

I'm glad to see you're still

fighting the good fight

against the tyranny of pants.

I also thought maybe

this would help you

get a head-start.

Maybe I'm looking

for a challenge.

Oh... is that why...

you're trying to

f*** a small child?

Good one.

You know what you should do?

Save the zingers for

the speeches, Genny.

Okay.

Our seventh-grade field trip

to Six Flags is

coming to a close.

We're all piling on

the bus to go home.

Dale lags behind,

'cause he just has

to ride the Freefall

at the last minute.

So he's running like

hell to catch up to us,

and he just bites it.

Wipes out completely, spills

what must be two liters

of Dr. Pepper all over his

shorts,

just epic.

So later, he and I are sitting

in the back of the bus,

and I get a whiff of

Dr. Pepper and piss.

And I say, "You know,

it'd be pretty funny

if you pissed your

pants riding Freefall,

and then spilled Dr. Pepper

all over yourself

to try, cover it up."

And he turns to me, and he

goes, "Yes, it would be.

But it would also

be kinda genius.

Classic Dale.

Classic Dale.

Thank you, Trevor.

You weren't supposed

to make your speech

'til tomorrow, but... it's fine.

Now we have a special surprise

from the bride's cousins.

This is gonna be good.

Yo, Becky?

Say what?

Yo, Dale?

Say who?

Guess what?

What who?

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