Bachelorette Page #3

You getting married!

United you stand,

divided you fall!

Becky and Dale,

you only get one shot!

Magic.

Okay, now

how about we hand it over

to one of our bridesmaids Gena?

Why don't you start us off?

Hey, welcome to the wedding.

Right?

Hey... Um... so, Becky.

I love you.

Uh, we met in the

high school bathroom.

You remember that?

Woo...

Yeah.

Yeah, I was in there um,

like, eating my lunch,

'cause I was kind of a loser.

And uh, she was in there...

That was just for like a-a...

she did that for like a w-...

a week.

Gena...

You guys...

I just want to make, actually,

a really important announcement.

I've lost my cell phone,

and last time I saw it,

actually it was...

it was back there, and I

feel like somebody took it.

All right.

Thank you.

Wow.

Gena and Katie.

Having fun?

Yes.

Nice, isn't it?

Yeah.

Um, Katie and Gena... seem a little...

or... No... No.

Oh, your mom's

gonna give a speech.

Ladies, I would

like to give a toast.

So if you'd all

just gather 'round.

I want some f***ing champagne.

I'd like to make

a toast to my little girl.

To Becky.

To Becky! And Dale!

To Becky and Dale!

To Becky and Dale!

I'm sorry, but you

aware of the complaints

we've been getting

about the noise

coming from this room?

Uh, I'm so sorry.

We're just uh, we'll

keep it down.

I just... I'm getting

married in the morning.

Oh, I'm sorry, but... I'm

gonna have to search you.

Hey, wait a minute here.

What's going on?

He's not a real cop.

He's not a real cop.

Show me what you got,

breeders!

Come on, Pigface.

Let's get crunk!

No. Whoa.

What did you just call me?

What happened?

Why would he say that?

Because... because

it was just a j-... I mean,

he was joking around, you know.

It's fine, it's fine.

you're not Pigface, Becky.

Yeah... Nah.

Nobody calls

you Pigface anymore.

We're all having a good time.

Yeah, it's really funny.

Like how you told

everyone I was bulimic.

What the hell was that?

No.

Not like... not like that. Um...

not like that at all,

because that wasn't funny.

How would you like it,

if I just told everyone

some of your sh*t.

Yeah, that would be awesome.

You know what,

how about everyone goes,

you know? Like let's just...

take a rest

No. No. You know what?

Don't bother coming tomorrow,

unless you're gonna

act like normal people.

Of course.

Done.

Have a good night.

It was nice to meet you.

Come on, sweetie.

What do you call a bachelorette

party without a bride?

Friday?

Man... I really hate weddings.

I'm so glad you're here.

All right.

So like, let's assess

the situation.

Me! Me!

Becky's vagina's magic,

and she used it to

nab a perfect human being.

Magic's not real, right?

Magic is not real.

Yeah? How do you think I feel?

I've been planning this sh*t

for six months straight.

I'm ready to murder someone.

I believe it.

But wait,

what's her dress like?

I bet she looks beautiful.

Oh, my god.

Go get it.

Go get it!

Your mind's gonna be blown.

It's in there, it's

in the closet.

Bust it out.

You know what I

just keep thinking?

What?

I did everything right.

Yeah.

I went to college.

I exercise, eat like

a normal person.

Yeah.

I got a boyfriend

in med school.

And nothing... is happening...

to me.

Are you all right?

No! I just told you.

I'm f***ing miserable.

Yo, coke whores.

Pippa Middleton is here.

Ah!

She put it on her body!

Oh, my god!

Guys, two people

could fit in this.

You know what you should do?

You guys should both get in it,

and then I'll take a picture

and put it on Facebook.

We can tag Becky.

Oh, my god.

That's a genius idea.

Do it! Do it!

Do it! Oh god!

Take the picture.

Oh, my god!

If we fit in this,

I am gonna pee my pants.

You know I'm gonna fit in it.

No, we're not.

We're gonna fit in it.

Oh, god.

It's like we're one person.

Yeah.

Oh, now we're in the circus!

Oh!

It-it's totally ruined.

Oh, my god!

Take it off... Just take it off.

Oh, my god!

Just... step out slowly.

Oh, my god.

Tell me this is okay.

Tell me she can

still wear that.

It's okay.

She can still wear it.

It's not okay.

that's unfixable!

We're f***ed!

Okay. We- you know what?

We're just gonna hide it.

We're gonna have to make it

look as if somebody just,

you know, they broke

in and they stole it.

No... We're gonna make it look

as if the place is ransacked.

What are you doing?

Watch out!

What the f*** are you doing?

Stop!

Burglars!

Stop it! Stop it.

Everybody just calm down.

Okay?

We need to fix this.

All right?

I thought you said

that was unfixable?

Well... I have done so much coke

that I should be dead, okay?

I should have died

like ten minutes ago,

so perhaps we should get a

second opinion.

This is an emergency.

It's an emergency.

An emergency.

I'm sorry,

but I can't help you.

Well, what are we

paying you for?

We're not paying her, Katie.

Somebody is paying her.

That's true.

Somebody is paying you.

Woo! Not enough.

You're supposed to

help the guests of the hotel

Are you a volunteer?

What kind of false

economy is this?

Are y'all high?

Come over here.

Yeah.

I don't think she speaks

English that well.

You're not coming

to the wedding?

Oh, my god.

Your residency,

my ass, Fuckface!

You knew about this for months!

Sh*t is going down!

I need you here.

Frank... Frank... Frank...

Regan!

We have a bit

of a catastrophe here.

You wanna help us fix the f***ing dress?

How's Frank?

F*** Frank!

Okay... please?

There's gotta be

something you can do here.

This is housekeeping, not

Project Runway.

You need a tailor.

Tailors don't work

in the middle of the night.

Okay. Girlfriend to girlfriend,

you gotta be able

to work this out. Come on.

Bring it back first

thing in the morning,

and I can clean it for you.

Clean it?

It doesn't need to be cleaned.

Oh, my god!

Who's bleeding?

Wait... I'm not...

Am I bleeding?

Am I bleeding?

Oh, my god!

You're bleeding!

You're bleeding!

What, I'm bleeding?

Oh, my god! Oh, my god!

Girl, you bled on the

dress, you moron!

Oh, god!

Okay. What we need right now

is like an epically

brilliant plan, you know?

That's what we need.

So are you ready?

One, two, three, go!

Leave the country!

I'm gonna call Melissa, the

girl we got the dress from.

Jesus H. Macy, that's a

brilliant f***ing plan!

How much cash you have?

I got five maxed

out credit cards.

I have a twenty-dollar...

I ripped it.

I got nothing.

That sums up your lives.

Whoa!

Caught in the act.

Oh, sh*t.

Busted. Hah-hah.

Looks like you guys caught us

in route to a gentleman's club.

Are you sure you're

gonna get in,

'cause I don't see

any gentlemen here.

Becky, I-I uh... I know

it's a little on the nose

that I'm going to strip club

the night before my wedding,

but you know, I'm fine with it

because the commitment

we're about to make,

that's what it's about.

Look... you're okay.

I want you to see me,

warts and all,

and yeah I'm going

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