Bachelorette Page #9

Good job.

Why would you ever

do that to yourself?

I wanted to be beautiful.

Thank you! Thank you!

Where is Regan?

Let me f***ing go.

Oh, she's here.

Regan, what's going on?

I just...

What is on your dress?

Oh, I...sorry.

Well, where is her dress?

Uh, it's being steamed.

I-I can't leave here

without my dress.

I don't believe this!

Let's just...

I don't know what's going on

with the steaming or whatever,

but I don't care.

I want the dress right here,

on my daughter immediately.

She can't wear the dress

in the car, Victoria Silk?

Plus sitting in traffic?

What does that equal?

Sweat wrinkles.

Exactly, thank you Oh my God.

You think of everything.

That's why she's Maid of Honor.

Let's go.

Don't close your eyes.

Just talk to me now.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What happened to her?

I'm taking her to the hospital.

What?

Somebody vomited

in the bathtub.

She kinda o'd'ed on Xanaxes.

You f***ing...!

They weren't mine!

Whose? Whose?

Trevor!

Trevor.

What do you want?

Wait. You actually...

Car Five, are we ready? Good!

You can't just barge in here like that.

Oh.

Hey.

Holy sh*t!

What the f*** are you doing?

Why the f*** did you do that?

Ah! Come here.

You motherf***er!

It's me! It's me, it's me.

Where are you?

We're getting into the car.

Okay, I'm on my way.

All right. Meet me there, ese.

Oh, God.

Okay, let's get to the wedding.

F***!

Hey.

How is she?

They're saying she's fine.

You okay? You okay?

Okay, I'll go, I'll go

with you to the hospital.

No, she wants us to

go to the wedding!

She keeps saying

go to the wedding.

They don't even have

to pump her stomach.

They're just checking

her as a precaution.

Really?

Regan saved her life.

That woman is f***ed

in the head, but...

She's a good friend.

Yeah, I know.

Okay.

I'll see you at the wedding!

Okay.

Taxi!

Hey, Gena.

I need to talk to you.

No. No. Clyde.

Get in the cab!

Isn't that dress supposed to

be on the bride right now?

Yes! Get in the car!

Sir! S... I will suck your dick

if you get us

there in two minutes.

Look, I... I think we might

be meant for each other.

And I'm not kidding

Scratch that.

This guy will suck your dick.

Look, and it's not just

because we have like,

the greatest sex I...whoa!

Whoa!

See, I, your body

looks so great.

Shut up.

I love your body so much.

Oh my God, you cannot

just f*** things

into being better.

Then tell me what I should do.

I'm getting married.

I'm getting married

in my pajamas.

Honey, you've just

got to calm down.

I don't think she's

got the dress.

Honey, just don't

pay any mind to it.

It's all f***ed up.

I'm gonna walk in

wearing my pajamas

like I'm f***ing

Michael Jackson.

It's like I've been

at a f***ing concert

for the past decade.

A concert?

Yeah, it's a, it's a metaphor.

Okay? It's like I've been

at a concert... Okay.

And I'm swaying back and forth

and somebody

passes me something,

and I drink it or smoke it...

Smoke it?

...you know, it doesn't matter!

Shut up!

I hate you!

And I hate you!

I hope you f***ing die!

It's gonna be waiting

for us there, right?

I'm right about that,

aren't I, Regan,

so quiet in the back.

Come on, Gena, you can do this.

Take a left here.

In the past 24 hours,

I've realized that I don't

even like the concert.

I don't like the music.

I don't like the band.

None of it.

I-I... And like, maybe,

if I had just picked

a different f***ing band,

maybe I woulda had a better

time at the concert.

I really think I'm

in love with you.

Oh my God, if you

take Park Avenue,

I will f***ing end

you I will end you!

Of all the things you've done

in the entire time

we've known each other,

this is the worst.

You f***ing blonde c*nt!

This is sh*t!

Hold it, hold it, hold it!

I saved the day!

I saved the day!

Okay, okay.

Let's do this!

Okay. Okay.

All right,

let's get this sh*t on.

Now, put your arms up!

Got it?

let me get the veil,

so it doesn't...

We got the dress!

Yeah! Yeah! Heck yeah!

Wa-wa-wa-wait-wait.

What happened to it?

What happened there?

Tell me. Tell me!

It's just,

there's a little rip.

The stitching.

'Cause it ripped a little bit.

And that's just like a tin...

like a little blood

and, and semen.

What?

I don't know if it's semen.

It might be semen.

you ruined it!

Shh. It's okay.

No, you don't see it. I swear.

Oh f***.

I can't do this.

Rebecca Archer!

You're going to walk down that

aisle and you are going to

marry the man down there.

Everyone thinks I'm

too fat for him.

F*** everyone!

Right!

F*** everyone!

Yeah! F*** everyone!

I like ice cream!

F*** everyone!

Yes!

Okay. Flowers.

You're beautiful.

Give me a hug.

Wait, uh, you go-going?

No. I have vomit on me.

Okay. Right. Okay.

I would like to close this

ceremony with a blessing.

But it is as timeless and

enduring as love itself.

Now you will feel no cold,

for each of you will

be warm to the other.

Now you will feel no loneliness,

for each of you will be

a companion... Wait.

Are you crying?

Come on.

You haven't cried since Thomas J.

Died in My Girl.

It's a perfect wedding.

Are we gonna be okay, you guys?

Let's toast to something, okay?

All right.

What should we drink to?

To the EMT crew.

Sure.

To never doing any

of that ever again.

Cheers.

Oh, f*** it, let's

just get a drink.

Yes!

How, how are you

feeling...I mean,

you drank quite a bit.

I really like you a lot.

Well, I like you too.

But I don't know what to do

when I'm around

somebody I like,

except for sleep with

them or get really drunk.

I-I mean, you can

just be nice to them.

I'll be nice to you,

you be nice to me.

Really?

that's what people do, yeah.

Thank you for letting

me copy your homework.

You're welcome.

Thank you for,

for not dying today.

Mm.

It's kinda blowing my mind.

I feel like, like for

the last decade,

I've been at like, at a concert.

Right? Just kinda...

Oh please take your

self- actualization

somewhere else.

I'm trying to sleep.

Oh, hey, you guys.

Hello.

Is this working?

Uh, testing, testing, testing.

Sibilance, sibilance.

Tom Hanks,SNL.

Um, uh, Becky and Dale.

Such a beautiful wedding.

Yeah. A gorgeous wedding.

I think we all felt

like stars tonight

in the sky of your love Yeah!

So, Dale, you said something

to me last night.

You said that when you

find the right girl...

Did you go out last night?

When you, when

you got it uh, good,

you don't do anything

to screw it up.

But for some people, um,

and I'm one of them,

I think you have to screw it up

uh, before you realize

that you've got it good.

I-I I'm just excited

because Gena and I,

we had sex last night.

What the f***?

We did, but like

who cares, right?

I-I can say that.

Can I say that?

But the thing is, is when

we're having sex, it's fine,

I put my penis uh, into um,

Gena's vagina... Please.

And then I took it out.

And then I, I put it in again.

And then I took it out.

And then it just kinda went

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes