Bad Ass 3: Bad Asses on the Bayou Page #6

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Show no fear here when

it comes to complications

Sh*t!

(MEN GROANING)

Take that, b*tches!

- (CHUCKLES)

- Very impressive.

- (HAMMER C*CKS)

- Drop your weapons.

Drop your weapons!

Geoffrey, what the hell are you doin'?

I know this is all quite confusing.

But the truth of the matter is...

the plan got derailed a bit

by your boys here.

Geoffrey,

if this is your way of eloping...

you should've came clean

before my daddy started signing checks.

Can't get a deposit back now.

I always loved your sense of humor.

Hey!

Put the gun down.

I'm not going to hurt her...

unless somebody tries to play hero.

Now, move into the other room.

Now!

You too, lovey. Off you go.

Who are you?

(GRUNTS)

You had no intentions

of marrying her, did you?

It's not that she's not

a wonderful young lady.

And if the circumstances

were different, who knows?

But this is a business opportunity...

that my cousin and I couldn't pass up.

Your cousin? As in the police chief?

Yes.

You would be correct, Mr. Vega.

Pretty sharp you are.

Just leave my daughter with us.

I'll see that you get your money.

Oh, I wish I could

take you up on it, Earl...

but for some reason I don't believe you.

In addition, we've got big plans for Carmen

to help us get out of the country.

You son of a b*tch!

Calm down, Earl.

We're gonna get you.

I highly doubt that, Mr. Vega.

(GRUNTING)

You see, this is

the end of the line for you lads.

(LAUGHING)

With that, I must wish you

a heartfelt good-bye.

Lucas!

Come on, lovey. Off we go, lovey.

(GRUNTS)

Oh, sh*t.

(ALL GRUNTING)

(ALL COUGHING)

Looks like we gon' have some barbecue

tonight. I hope they like dark meat.

It's too tight. They're too tight.

Come on, my man. You gotta have somethin'

in that fanny pack of yours.

My hands are tied.

We're screwed, fellas.

No way out of this one.

(COUGHING CONTINUES)

"Hey, come on. Let's go to Louisiana."

(CHUCKLES) Yeah!

"A little vacation,

get away from it all."

- Oh, now it's all my fault?

- You bet your ass it's your fault.

Can't you ever

take responsibility for anything?

Yeah. If you hadn't pushed us

out here, I wouldn't have...

EARL:
Enough!

Can't a man even die in peace?

(COUGHING)

(GRUNTING)

I'm sorry, man.

No. (CHUCKLES)

It was a good ride.

(CHUCKLES) It was, huh?

Yeah. (COUGHING)

(WHEEZING)

(GASPS)

Hey, do you guys need a lift?

It's Ronny! What the hell?

Get in the truck! Get in the truck!

- (COUGHING CONTINUES)

- (GASPING)

Come on, go!

You saved our lives! My white baby boy!

You saved our lives!

How did you know we were here?

I didn't. I hid in the back of the car.

And that gives us exactly 22 minutes to make

it to that Reynolds Oil Refinery...

before Mom makes the exchange.

- Twenty-two minutes?

- You got it.

- That place is 45 minutes away.

- Then you'd better step on it.

They're gonna have

a whole damn army with them.

We're gon' need some help, man.

Ronald, give me your cell phone.

(BOAT HORN BLOWING)

Geoffrey?

Hello, Lois.

I know this isn't what you expected...

but if you'd just hand over the money...

I'll get you Carmen.

(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

You scum-sucking pig.

Hand over the money.

You go screw yourself.

(LAUGHING)

I admire your courage...

but it's not worth it.

Not giving you nothing

till you hand her over.

Suit yourself.

- (GASPS)

- (HORN HONKING)

(GASPING)

(SCREAMS)

(GROANING)

Let's kick some geriatric ass!

LOIS:
Oh! Earl!

Come on. Get out of the car.

Earl! (SOBBING) Earl, are you all right?

Yeah. You done real good, baby.

(EARL KISSES)

Whoo! Look at this!

Baby boy to the rescue!

I'm so happy to see you!

Ohh!

FRANK:

Damn cops are late even in Louisiana.

Hands in the air!

Jesus Christ there, Geoffrey.

(GROANING)

How the hell you let this thing get

this far out of hand?

Son of a b*tch.

- I believe this belongs to me.

- Hey!

Oww!

Mr. Vega.

You done gone and messed everything up.

And now...

everybody's gonna have to die for it.

Starting with you.

(HAMMER C*CKS)

You bad-ass.

Freeze!

(GUNS COCKING)

Drop it, Julius!

Oh, Pete. Now, what you doin' here?

It's over. Drop the gun!

Boy, you done got yourself

into somethin' way above y'all heads.

Now if I was you...

I'd go on, go back home...

take your little boys with you.

Put the gun down, Julius!

Put your hands above your head! Now!

That's not gon' happen, boy!

Best step the hell off...

'cause I'm about to...

(GASPING)

Get the f*** back!

- Get the f*** back!

- Hell no!

(GROANS) Goddamn!

- (GRUNTING, GROANING)

- (GUNSHOT)

(GROANING)

You shot my fanny pack!

(SHOUTING, CHEERING)

(CHEERING CONTINUES)

- Frank! You okay?

- Yeah.

Goddamn! That fanny pack

saved your life! What?

(LAUGHS) It was Ronald's watch.

- (ALL LAUGHING)

- It take a lickin' and keep on tickin'!

Damn, Green Machine!

Is that you or a lead pipe in your pocket?

(GROANS)

Stay down, b*tch.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Well, I guess that's about it.

Oh, come on, boys. You sure you don't wanna

chill out here a few more days?

We'll make it worth your while.

We'd love to, but Bernie's got a doctor's

appointment first thing tomorrow morning.

All right, then.

Bring it on in for the sweet thang.

Oh! (SIGHS)

You have no idea how grateful

I am to the both of you. Thank you so much.

- You're gonna be all right.

- Hell, yeah.

- Who needs another man when I have you two?

- (ALL LAUGHING)

You know, you boys

are welcome here anytime.

(CLEARS THROAT)

You got about five minutes before you hit

the road. Can I borrow you two a moment?

Yeah. All right.

I'm deeply indebted to both of you.

You brought my child back.

Words can never express

how much I appreciate that.

But you gave me somethin' else.

For the first time in 30 years, guys...

30 years...

I feel alive again.

And because of that,

I've found my true purpose.

I wanna bring justice

back to those places...

that have been completely

drained of it...

and I wanna do it with the two of you.

Think of it as three old guys

kickin' ass.

- Sounds like a great idea, Earl, but...

- Yeah, yeah.

You know, Bernie and I...

have other responsibilities.

Oh, Frank, I'm aware of that.

I know you got your community center.

And of course Bernie's got his liquor store.

I'm not asking you to give that up.

Look, I wanna make it

as easy as possible for both you guys.

I will fund the entire operation...

and I will put

the both of you on salary.

That way you won't have to worry about paying

your bills, especially those medical bills.

You serious, man?

As a liver transplant.

So what do you say, guys?

You ready to clean up this country?

(HIP-HOP)

- When you hear that

- Bang-bang-bang

- Duck and run for cover

- Bang-bang-bang

- When you hear that

- Bang-bang-bang

- Duck and run for cover

- (WOMAN, MAN LAUGHING)

Oh, Bernie.

There is more to you than meets the eye.

I must say, I'm intrigued.

As am I, Kate.

As am I.

Excuse me, sir, but you're going to have to

return to your assigned seat.

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