Bad Hair Day Page #5

Come on, Ed.

Wait here.

I'll see what I can do about

getting the charges dropped.

Yeah, you're always seeing what you can do.

How about you actually

do something for a change?

Man, have I missed you.

I didn't miss you at all.

Hey, is the chief around?

Nope. Meeting with the mayor.

Lucky.

I can see why you like him.

He's hot.

What? Ed? Hot?

No, no, that's... No,

that's ridiculous.

You are crushing him.

It's obvious.

"I haven't missed you at all."

You were doing the whole thing with him.

No, no, no, no, there's no thing.

We don't have a thing.

No, we... we were

partners, police partners.

Mm-hmm.

That's it.

Don't you have some kind of online

poll blogging stuff that you do

with your little phone when you

touch it like every 10 seconds?

Nope.

No, you don't have that to do right now.

Of all times, you don't

do that right now, okay.

How do you even know I'm single?

You're obviously single.

FYI, Ed has a crush on you too.

I-I-I don't think he

feels that particular way.

Well, there's only one way to find out.

Yeah? What's that? Flirt.

Flirt? Yeah. You know,

it's this thing humans do

when they're trying to

demonstrate attraction...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

I know what flirting is.

I'm just...

I'm just...

I'm not very well-versed at it.

You know, it's remarkably easy

once you put your mind to it.

Instead of insulting

people, compliment them.

What do you even know?

You're like 12.

Okay, try it on him.

I will do nothing of the sort.

Yeah, you know, I didn't

think you had it in you.

Really? Even with the sigh...

With your brown eyes.

"I didn't think you had it in you,

"you think that's gonna

get me to like turn around

and be like, Dennis, Dennis.

You think, I'm just gonna

be like, yeah, Dennis.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm

sorry, Dennis. I'm just...

What do you want, Liz?

Dennis, has anyone ever told you

that you have really nice...

large nostrils?

Whatever, Liz.

Yeah. Yeah, whatever.

"Large nostrils"? That's what you got?

He has really large nostrils.

You don't necessarily

have to point that out.

What am I supposed to do,

lie? Say he has small nostrils?

Oh, my goodness. Sorry.

I got some good news and bad news.

Yeah.

The good news is...

they got the charges 86.

Great.

The bad news is...

Where is she?

You? In my office, now!

Shut the door!

Shoplifting sunglasses?

Impersonating mall security?

What were you thinking?

I was thinking that it was very bright out,

and that I, you know,

needed to protect my eyes.

You're a complete disgrace to this badge!

Thanks to you, I'm actually

not wearing a badge, so...

Well, they seem friendly.

Liz and the chief have

a special relationship.

Yeah, clearly one that

involves a lot of yelling.

Well, the chief always

expected a lot from Liz.

She's one of this

department's rising stars.

Really? Liz?

Well, she's a little rough around the edges

but she's the best partner I ever had.

The diamond is gone.

Get that through your thick skull!

Why did she quit?

She didn't quit.

What?

She didn't tell you what happened?

No.

Well, that's her business.

I get it. I get it. Okay.

Let's go!

How about you stay out

of trouble for a change?

How about you keep your nose on your

face and not in everybody's business?

It's good seeing you, Liz. Yeah.

If you need anything, I'm around, okay?

Okay, thanks.

And hey. I'm a cop.

Having my nose in everyone's

business is my business.

Whatever.

So let's get back to the

shopping and the grooming

and whatever other nonsense it

is that we have to do here.

What's really going on?

Nothing.

Why were you thrown off the force?

And why do you really care

about a piece of costume jewelry?

Tell me or you can forget about the deal.

It's not costume jewelry.

It's not costume jewelry.

The center stone in the

necklace is a 21 carat

pink diamond worth roughly $7 million.

Wait, what?

Yeah.

It was stolen 2 months ago.

It was my fault.

There was a traveling exhibit of jewelry

on display at the Civic Museum.

And the necklace, your necklace,

was the star attraction.

I knew there was

something special about it.

I was in charge of security.

It was a real, real

high-profile assignment.

Ed offered to help me, but, I

knew I had this on my own.

There was one thing I didn't count on.

Pierce Peters, one of the

world's foremost jewel thieves.

You know, being one of

the only women on the force

and with the chief constantly breathing

down my neck, it doesn't always feel

like an option for me to ask for help.

So...

I didn't call for backup.

I didn't call for backup.

I thought I had him.

And that's when everything

just starting to go downhill.

Losing that diamond was

a black mark on my record

and erasing that mark was

all I could think about.

And work starting slipping

and nobody understood.

I needed to make this right.

See, but...

eventually the chief had enough and...

Turning by badge in was one of

the worst moments of my life.

Wow. That's...

That's pretty awful. I'm sorry.

Yeah.

But...

how did I end up with the diamond?

Well...

Pierce found a buyer for the diamond

and he arranged an exchange.

But unfortunately for him and

the rest of society actually,

the safari look was in this season.

And he gave the diamond to the wrong man.

So the necklace went on

a bit of an adventure.

No one else was aware of

the diamond's real value.

How did you find all this out?

A lot of good old

fashioned shoe leather.

I combed through taxi GPS data,

watched thousands of hours

of surveillance footage.

Interviewed the mime which was

interesting, because he is a mime.

And did you know that...

is "no" in mime.

Hmm.

Anyway I tracked a food truck for days

and that necklace got

it traded for hotdog.

Lost to a biker in a card game.

Sold to a pawn shop...

where it was discovered

by a local high school girl

looking for something to wear to prom.

And that pretty much brings us up to date.

Why didn't you just tell me the truth?

Well, because, how could I be sure that

once you knew the value of the diamond

that you wouldn't disappear

and try to sell it yourself?

Yeah, but you could've just sent the cops.

No. No. No.

You don't get it. You don't get it.

See, I want to be the one to

march the diamond in there.

I want to take that

necklace into that station,

look the chief square in the eye and

say, "Lieutenant Elizabeth Morgan

reporting recovery of stolen goods."

I need to be the one to

make this right, Monica.

That's kind of your thing, huh?

Making things right on your own.

Lone Ranger-style.

Lone Ranger style.

I like it.

You know, that necklace was

the one part of my outfit

that I didn't put up for a vote.

I just... I just really liked it.

Wow!

As it turns out, you have

exorbitantly expensive taste.

Can I ask you something?

Why is it so hard for you

to make a choice on your own?

I don't know.

I guess... I just...

I don't want to make the wrong choice.

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