Bad Night Page #3

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Not oval, circle.

So you in?

- I'm in.

- Yes!

Thank you, Wheels.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Where are they staying?

Down the road

at the Crest Motel.

They are under names,

Monarch and "Wis-a-roy,"

I think.

- Viceroy.

- Wheels, go!

They're expecting you. Go!

All right,

but this is my last job.

After this, lose my

number and my e-mail.

Don't try to Tweet me.

I'm unfriending you on Facebook,

and definitely don't try

to follow me on Instagram.

Snapchat?

OK. Just go.

Keep mouth shut and drive.

Hey, bozos.

What's up, boss?

Make sure everything goes

exactly as planned, OK?

Yeah.

Anything goes wrong, kill them,

and before you leave,

polish these.

Polish, not Polish.

Polish these.

This isn't so bad.

At least we're not sick.

Heh. Funny.

You want to use the bathroom?

I'm done.

Nope. I'm good.

You're not gonna

get ready for bed?

What do you mean? What do I

have to do to get ready for bed?

I'm in bed.

OK. What's up with you?

I don't think I'm

gonna go to college.

Are you serious? Why not?

I mean, I've been

thinking about it,

and I don't even know

what I want to do

with my life yet, so why not

just take a few years off

and travel abroad or something?

Kate, everybody knows that

take a couple years off to

travel abroad really just

means going and get drunk

and hook up with a bunch

of foreign dudes.

You're better than that,

and college is all about

where you figure out what you

want to do with your life.

You're just so lucky you already

know what you want to do.

You're gonna be, like,

the first female president

one day or something.

Hopefully not.

There are currently a lot

of qualified women

serving in Congress.

I'm hungry.

Me, too. Want to order a pizza?

No. I want to get out of here,

and I want to go

somewhere nice, and...

it's gonna be on my parents.

- Really?

- Why not?

I mean... OK, technically,

it is for emergencies,

but seriously, if this isn't

an emergency, what is?

How are we gonna get there?

I'll just order us a ride.

I'll even say our names are

Viceroy and Monarch

like the butterflies,

not the hookers.

Hold on. What if we get caught?

We're not gonna get caught.

I'm not gonna tell anyone,

and you're not gonna

tell anyone.

My clothes are covered in vomit.

I guess that means we should go

to a thrift store.

OK. That is actually

such a good idea.

We haven't done that in so long.

See? We'll just go really quick,

we'll have a nice dinner

and some new fresh clothes,

come back,

and no one will even

know we were gone.

Well, I did find one

that's still open.

And there's already

a ride on its way.

We have to be so

careful leaving, though.

If Miss Goldstein sees us,

we're screwed.

My God. I do not think

we have anything to worry

about with her

or anyone else here tonight.

God!

Get out, get out, get back!

Babe, if you love me,

get out of the bathroom!

Chad, I'm gonna explode!

- Get ouuuuttt!

- No, no!

God! It hurts!

Do you hear that?

What are they doing in there?

Let's go over the plan again.

- I downloaded the building...

- Don't worry.

We got this.

Ari's gonna lead us right

to The Collector.

Now let's just hope that

guy Ari's sending as

a driver is a pro.

Well, if he isn't, we shoot him.

In the leg.

You didn't let me finish.

All right. It's time. Ready?

Yep.

Wait. Hold on.

I got to pee.

Hi. Are you our driver?

I don't know. Depends.

We're Viceroy and Monarch.

Can we just get out of here?

We don't want anyone

to see us leaving.

Thieves

Thieves

Thieves

Thieves

Thieves

Whoa, what? OK.

Be cool. All right.

Just a couple hotties.

Just be yourself.

Be cool, Brian, be cool.

Hi. Are you

Monarch and Viceroy?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Are you Monarch...

- No names.

That's rule number one, OK?

OK. There's rules.

I love that. That's awesome.

What is... what's

rule number two?

Don't ask questions.

As you can imagine,

discretion's a big part

of what we do.

Yeah. I get that.

Yes, I totally get... I get that.

I get what she said.

I like it. I'm into it.

Ha ha ha!

Yeah. I love to be discreet.

I get that a lot.

My friends are all just

like... I'm crazy discreet.

Is there a rule number three?

Yeah. Drive.

I cannot believe I actually

just got you out right now.

Calm down. I can make

him turn around still.

No, you can't.

We're not going to,

and plus, this car

is actually pretty sick.

Yo, sick car, dude.

All right.

So, where we going?

Um, could you take

us here, please?

Yeah. What's there?

Let's just say we have

to settle an old score.

So I got water, I got mints,

I got breath strips,

I got a really sick Spotify

if you guys like music.

Anything you guys want,

just let me know.

I'm here to please you...

or please, you know?

Thanks. No water.

Just drive and don't talk.

OK. Cool, cool, cool.

So where you guys from?

In town on,

business or pleasure?

Or I guess pleasure

is your business, right?

Ha ha ha!

What?

Nothing. Nothing.

I'm... I'm sorry.

I should... I... what

am I... listen to me.

I'm asking... I ask a lot

of questions sometimes

when I get nervous, you know?

Not that I'm nervous.

I'm calm, you know, I'm cool.

My friends are always like,

"Brian, he's so cool.

You got to meet Brian."

So, like, don't even sweat it,

you know?

It's just I'm saying...

I'm saying I'm open-minded.

So anything you guys want,

just let me know.

Look. Just do your job.

No one will get hurt.

OK. Got it.

I'm gonna text Ari and let

him know we're in play.

Yeah, and tell him

the driver's annoying.

Driver. Are you

guys talking golf?

Heh.

Yes. Here we go.

That's the spot.

I'll be right here

when you get out

unless you want me to wait

in the back alley.

No. It's OK. This is fine.

You sure want to do this?

Once we go in there,

there's no turning back.

- I'm sure.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

I mean...

Yeah!

Now remember the rules.

I'll whatever outfit

you pick just as long as

it's not too slutty or dirty.

You can't tell everyone

it's a joke like

you did last time.

That's cheating.

OK. It's not cheating

if it's the cops.

First one to break loses.

- Deal?

- Deal.

Da da da da da

Da da da

Da da da da da

Da da da

Da da da da da

Da da da

Da da da da da

Da da da

What the hell

are they doing here?

It's so obvious.

They're buying disguises.

Check this out.

Says right here they were

dressed up last time.

Right, man, but the point

is we could have done

this job ourselves.

Look.

They were orphans

trained by the Yakuza.

Sounds about right.

Yeah.

- Right?

- Yeah.

Everything on the Internet

is true.

Is this it?

I think that this is it.

This is fine. Just wait

for us here, all right?

OK. Well, I mean, this doesn't

look like a safe neighborhood.

Are you sure you girls

are gonna be OK?

What did we say about

asking questions?

What...

I don't remember.

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