Bad Night Page #4

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- What was it?

- It's safe, I promise.

Just stay in the car,

don't talk to anybody.

We'll be back in a few minutes.

Sorry. Can I use my

phone?

- Sure.

- No.

I just want to talk to

some buddies.

Tomorrow, me and a bunch

of my friends,

we're going skydiving,

which I'm pretty jazzed about

because I love,

like, extreme stuff.

I'm, like, live on the edge.

I'm just like

an extremist... sportswise,

not politically.

I... all right, girls.

All right.

Let me do the talking.

OK.

Da?

We're here to see The Painter.

Nyet.

Good job.

- Come on.

- Too slow.

What in the good Lord's name?

You have never looked better.

I would totally hire you

to be my personal trainer.

I think I'm more

of a life coach,

but thank you.

I would totally marry you.

Let's see how dinner

goes first, honey.

Hey. Sorry it took so long.

No worries. Get what you need?

Yeah. We think so.

What do you think?

I don't know.

Come on. You can tell us.

We look awesome.

Where to next?

- I had it.

- Yeah, I'm sure you did.

You can't just break

someone's nose

every time something

doesn't go your way.

Somebody could have seen that

and called the cops.

I told you, I'm more than happy

to teach you some moves.

It's not that hard.

I know how to fight.

I prefer not to.

Boring.

Master, somebody's

here to see you.

Is he dead?

No. The...

The Painter is resting.

The Painter smells

like he's dead.

"Kreh-tos"?

"Krah-tos," sir.

We've talked about it.

- Kreh-tos...

- Krah-tos.

- Kreh-tos.

- Krah-tos.

Kray-tos. Say it.

You say it.

- Krah-tos.

- Kray-tos.

We said the exact...

it sounds exactly the same.

No.

It doesn't matter,

and didn't I tell you

not to wake me when I'm clearly

working?

Sorry, sir.

They... they insisted.

Man.

You hit Kratos.

Who does that?

He's a big teddy bear.

- Sir.

- Ari sent us.

Well, well, well,

well, well, well, well.

Well, well, well,

well, well, well.

Well, well, well, well, well.

Well, well, well, well.

Well, if it isn't

Viceroy and the other one.

It's a delight.

Hi.

Yes. May I help you?

Table for two, please.

Do you have a reservation?

Right. I see.

Well, I wish we had

a table for you, but...

I do not.

"I do not"?

Did you just say, "I do not"?

My... my God.

That's exactly what

Jason said at my wedding!

"I do not, I do not"!

Aah!

My meatballs.

My dress!

You know what?

They can have our table.

We'll come back another night.

Yeah.

I tell you, I'm a big fan.

Whoa.

What you guys did in Amsterdam

was just next level.

Thank you. It was all my idea.

Yeah? I don't care.

So what is this place?

I mean, the money you charge,

and this is how you live?

No toilets, no windows.

I got a window.

Yeah, that's a painting.

Heh. I think I would know

the difference between

a painting and a window.

Anyway, this is

not where I live.

This is my office.

You know, I have to

live like an artist,

I have to breathe

like an artist,

I have to eat like an artist,

I have to smell like an artist,

dance like an artist,

talk like an artist,

do this gesture like an artist.

I can't do that at my house.

You know what I mean?

- I'm a method painter.

- A what?

A method painter, you know,

like a method actor,

except I paint.

It's pretty... I would

get that the first time

someone said it.

Jesus. Did you cut your ear off?

"Got to feel pain in order

to work with colors."

Maya Angelou.

Yeah. I think you

should probably see

a doctor about that.

You're kind of pretty.

I'd like to draw you,

give you a nice pencil twirl.

You interested

in a nude drawing?

You don't have to get naked.

I'll just get naked and

draw you.

Yeah. No.

Do you have what we came for?

Do you have what we came for?

What?

Of course. You think I don't

have my sh*t together?

You know, when Ari first

told me that he found it,

I was like, "Yeah, right."

But when he hired you,

he certainly hit

a ground-rule double.

Can you see it?

Can you see the painting?

And the wood and metal's aged?

It will pass carbon testing?

Yeah. Yeah,

all that stuff you said.

You know, I was rock hard

for all 12 hours it took

to paint this.

Yeah. We got to go.

Appreciate it.

I'd get that ear looked

at as soon as possible.

And I'm sorry about that.

This isn't over.

Yeah, I think it is.

Get some ice on it.

Thanks, bro.

You're a good person.

Take a picture of me.

I have a strong feeling

this is exactly what I'm

gonna look like

on my actual wedding day.

Pfft. As if you're

gonna get married.

Are you serious?

Now I'm not even

smiling in the picture.

- OK.

- All right. Got it.

Just send it to me.

I still haven't gotten it yet.

It still isn't in my phone yet.

- Calm down.

- Have you sent it yet?

Do you realize there was

a period of time where

people didn't even have

cell phones at all?

I wasn't alive then.

Neither was I.

So how do you know?

Bonsoir!

Good evening.

My name is Theodore,

and I'll be your server

for this evening.

Before we begin, I am

going to have to remind

you to remove your headwear.

We do have a dress code policy

at this restaurant.

This doesn't mean I lose.

It kind of does.

Thank you for your compliance.

We may now begin

a culinary adventure,

but first, I'll leave

you with these, your guides

for this evening,

for you to peruse

at your leisure.

And I will very quickly tell you

about tonight's specials.

Tonight, we feature

an Alaskan salmon slowly

marinated in a balsam-sick

vinaigrette reduction

and then flash cooked.

It's very dangerous

but very delicious.

Damn.

I'll be right back,

but please remember

our policy here.

No GMOs, yes OMGs.

Was that guy even real?

There... there are my girls.

I was just worried sick.

I mean, not worried. I was...

What were you thinking?

It was not safe back there.

Relax. Everyone got

what they wanted.

Relax? It was bad enough

you had to do the bouncer.

Who knows how many more guys

he could have had back there?

What would you have

done then, do them all?

Yeah. If I had to, yeah,

I'll do them all.

I can handle three,

I can handle four, no problem.

Good for you.

Kate, are you sure it's OK?

This restaurant's

really expensive.

I mean, I know you're mad

at your folks,

but their appetizers cost

more than my house.

I seriously don't care.

Let's just have fun.

OK. I'm down.

I hope everyone's OK

back at the motel.

I'm sure they're fine.

"Though I walk through

the valley of the shadow

of death, I fear no evil,

for you are with me."

No more.

OK. Yeah.

Her name is Carly,

not I Carly, but for years... heh...

I got so confused by that.

What are you saying?

What are you saying?

Hee hee hee!

I Carly? No. You Carly.

Can I get you started

with anything to drink?

Let's do champagne.

It's been a rough week.

Champagne. Yes. Of course.

I'll just need to

see some photo I.D.

We'll just have two waters,

please.

Actually, make that three.

I got to get this stain

off me stat.

Excellent choice.

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