Bad Night Page #5

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I miss you,

too. I miss you, too, baby.

Heh. Hey, hey. Send me a pic.

Yeah, yeah.

Tsk. Girl, I meant of the baby.

Ha ha ha!

I'm messing with you,

I'm messing with you.

Hold on.

I got another call.

I got to take this.

Hold on. Do not hang up, baby.

Do not hang up, all right?

- Yeah.

- Hey. It's me.

Hey. What up, Ari?

Nothing much, buddy.

I'm just checking to see

how your night is going.

Must be pretty weird to be back.

This is just one job, all right?

But thanks for asking,

though, Ari, you know,

because at first I thought

it would be kind of weird.

Wheels, get real!

I don't care

about your night, OK?

I need updates, I need updates!

All right. Well, nothing's

really happened yet, man.

I mean, it's kind of

weird stuff actually.

They got some disguises,

and now they got me

waiting outside

of some restaurant.

OK, OK. They're weird. It's OK.

What are they like?

Are they hot?

Hey. Tell them to come

over here afterwards.

I got hot tub fixed.

Dude, what's wrong with you?

What? You can come, too.

There's two of them.

I'm out, man.

Baby? Booga-booga!

Wheels, I'm not wife.

Thanks, Ari.

OK. Here we are.

OK, weirdo. You know the drill.

Again? My God,

you girls must be exhausted.

OK, but real talk for a second.

I need to get a burrito

or something

because my blood

sugar is crashing.

I'm hyperglycemic, so if I...

- Bye, Brian.

- It's a condition.

OK. Yeah, no. I'll just

stay here while my body

eats itself and I slowly die.

Don't worry about old Brian.

I'm stuffed.

I don't think I'm ever

gonna be hungry again.

Me, too.

Guten abend, Frauleins.

Have you enjoyed everything?

Will there be anything else?

Perhaps a cup

of our house coffee.

Each bean is hand-picked...

- Aw, thanks, Teddy, but...

- Theodore.

Just gonna take the bill.

Thank you.

This was so much fun.

I seriously don't

want it to end.

I know. Me either.

What else can we do?

I will literally do

whatever you want.

Anything?

As long as this night doesn't

end, let's do anything.

I mean, it would be a shame

to waste these outfits.

We do look amazing.

Yeah, we do.

That was so fun. Great idea.

I know. I just wish

I got this stain off of me.

Dude, you can hardly see it.

Don't worry about it.

Baby, I say we home school

our kid.

Look. I'm down for home college,

you know what I mean?

I got to go. Hey.

What happened to you?

You all right?

What happened in there?

You said you

could barely see it.

You can't, you can't.

I hate to see what happened

to the other guy.

So can we make a few more stops?

Do we have time?

We do if you drive fast enough.

You didn't say nothing

but the word.

I used to live the dream

Dirty money

would flock to me

But now I'm left

to wash society

And the limousines that

used to drive me around

I used to fight the night

The dice was loaded for me

A Jesus Christ

I thought that was

just a urban myth.

But now it's dark

And I can barely see

the ground

If I could turn back time

I would make my honor mine

Wouldn't sell it for a car

A girl, two girls

or even nine

- You got to race them.

- You got to race them.

- You got to race them.

- You got to race them.

- Jeez!

- My God.

- Go on, go on!

- Go, go, go, go!

Just pop right through.

I used to feel

And I used to dream

Of what I could be

It gave me fuel to

want to work on me

But I got dragged

into the material world

Yeah

So now I'm cynical

I can't feel

anything at all

I'm just another king

without a crown

Heh heh. That's good.

That's funny.

If I could turn back time

I would make my honor mine

Wouldn't sell it for a car

A girl, two girls,

or even nine

All right.

So how long you think

it's gonna take?

How many times have

seen me do this?

And take the throne

in the coliseum

Got it.

- OK.

- 1, 2, 3.

Hold, hold... just...

all right, OK.

I... 1, 2, 3.

No. You... I pull, you push.

No. Push.

- I pull...

- 1, 2...

I pull, you push.

- OK.

- 1, 2, 3.

Ooh.

I would make my honor mine

Wouldn't sell it for a car

A girl, two girls,

or even nine

What?

No likes?

What?

I mean, I'm not gonna like it.

Just get the ball rolling.

One like.

Now we wait. Heh heh.

This is awesome.

I don't know about this.

Are you sure?

Are you serious?

We have to remember

this night forever.

We could just take a bunch

of pictures or something.

No. Those will

disappear in the iCloud.

This needs to be permanent

like our friendship.

All right. Fine,

but my dad's gonna kill me

if he finds out.

I wasn't asleep.

I wasn't asleep, was not asleep.

I was dealing with some

important inventory.

What's... whoa!

What is happening?

Wait. I... OK. I'm sorry.

OK. You guys are on drugs.

No. We're not on drugs.

Me neither up until a few

weeks ago when I found out

I was eight months' pregnant,

but, um... pbbblll...

it's like you live

and you learn, you know,

on that one.

We just want to get tattoos.

She does. I'm still not sure.

You know I want to get

a real job someday,

and statistically

speaking, people

with tattoos really

limit their options.

Thanks.

Sorry. I didn't mean that.

All right. Look.

Here's my book.

Look through it, see if anything

kind of jumps out at you,

but I don't do tramp stamps

or Chinese symbols

unless you happen to be Chinese.

These are really great.

Thank you.

My God. Look at this one.

It looks just like

a penis or something.

Ha ha.

It's a rocket ship.

Yeah.

I see a rocket

with balls on it.

I love space exploration.

She does. OK.

Why don't we just

do butterflies?

That's not too bad.

Really?

All right. Tat us up.

OK. Two butterflies.

I will try not to make

them look like penises

with wings.

Excuse me.

All right. I texted Ari,

let him know we made the switch.

OK.

Look at this guy.

What? Yo.

Hey. Open the trunk.

Sh*t.

No. What is going on?

Yeah. All right, Rocky.

Go get them.

I'll be quick.

Excuse us.

What's going on here?

God! My God!

Aah!

My God! Aah!

What is happening? No!

Sh*t!

Aah! Aah!

What is he doing?

You got this,

you got this, buddy!

Aah!

He is the worst getaway driver

I've ever seen.

No argument here.

I wish I had my contacts in.

You're done.

t is so cool!

I love it so much. Thank you.

You are so welcome.

It looks really,

- really good on you.

- I know.

All right,

Buzz Aldrin, you're up.

I don't know anymore.

What do you mean

you don't know anymore?

We made a deal,

and I have a tattoo on my foot.

I didn't sign a contract.

I don't want to do it anymore.

What do you mean a contract?

We're best friends.

We don't need to

sign a contract.

It's already engraved in

our heart.

It's a friendship contract.

Exactly.

Fine, fine. Let's do it.

Whatever. I don't care anymore.

Ink me. Come on.

Ink me hard. Let's do it.

Hey! You need to calm down, OK?

I'm hung-over. Please.

OK.

Start talking.

You can probably take

the gun out of his mouth.

What is happening?

What are you guys doing?

Why do you have guns?

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