Bad Night Page #6

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What's going on?

Don't kill me.

Please don't kill me.

I want to live!

I changed my mind.

Put it back in.

Tell us everything.

I don't know anything.

Start talking.

OK, OK.

I have five cats.

I love them.

I also love romantic comedies

and... and reality TV.

I binge watch it.

I find it calming,

and... and... and I'm not

skydiving tomorrow, OK?

I lied about that.

I don't have

an extreme lifestyle.

As a matter of fact,

I would never skydive.

I hate heights,

I don't like parachutes.

Flying makes me nauseous.

Please don't kill me.

Did Ari tell you to rip us off?

Who... who is Ari?

You heard of The Painter?

I know painters.

Rembrandts,

the Ninja Turtles, sure.

Wait. If you

don't know Ari, why were

you at the Crest Motel,

and how did you get

the names Viceroy and Monarch?

Because I had

a pickup there, OK?

Those... those were

the names on the pickup form.

I'm sorry I was

two minutes late.

Pickup form?

What are you talking about?

I am a driver

for a rideshare company,

or at least I was a driver

for a rideshare company

because I'm surely gonna

get fired now if I live.

Not to mention my

dad's gonna freak out

because this is his car, OK?

I lied about that.

I lied about having friends.

I don't even have friends.

I'm a loser.

The five cats are my world.

Please, please, listen.

I thought that if maybe we...

we were cool with each

other you guys would like me

and be my friends,

and maybe that would turn

into something where

you guys would maybe

have sex with me.

What?

Because you're... you're

prostitutes, you know,

women of the night!

We're not prostitutes,

you moron.

We're undercover FBI.

Like... like

Female Body Inspectors?

My dad has that shirt.

We got in the wrong car.

We have to go back to the motel

and look through

security footage.

We got in the wrong car.

Who got in the right one?

Yes. Wow.

I think I just got

the hang of it on yours.

It's so good. Thank you!

You know, you're

actually really cool.

Aw. I'm so sorry about

all that stuff I said

when I first got here.

I don't get out much.

No. It's OK. You're young.

I get it because I'm young, too.

It's like we're peers, you know?

No. I... I think I'm younger.

Agree to disagree on that, OK?

OK. So I got to ask you,

what is up with these outfits?

You look insane.

You look like you had your

period and then splashed it

back on yourself.

No. I stopped doing that.

We're actually just

on a field trip

for our AP art history class.

Everyone got really sick,

but we decided to go out

and actually have some fun.

OK. Field trip?

Where are you guys from?

Lake Arrowhead.

Really? Wait. No way.

What high school do you go to?

- Dixon.

- Get out!

Get right out.

Get out! Wait! I went to Dixon!

- Really?

- Really?

Ha! Yeah!

Dixon High Cougars for life,

you b*tches!

My God! That is so rad.

Why didn't you guys tell me

you went to Dixon?

Seriously, why

didn't you tell me?

Err! Why didn't you guys

tell me you're Cougars?

I would have used a new needle.

My God!

This is, like, blowing my mind!

You guys.

My God! Is that creepy

gym teacher still there,

the one with

the thick glasses and no teeth?

- Mr. Abrams.

- Mr. Abrams.

Well, he made me call

him Badger, which...

He's in jail now.

That's... that's good.

That's actually really good.

So what are you guys

doing after school?

I'm probably gonna go to college

for poli sci in the fall.

- Because you're smart.

- Yeah.

Yeah. I'm probably gonna

take a few years off

and travel abroad,

really find myself.

OK. I think we all know

that means you're just

gonna get wasted

and hook up with guys

- who don't speak English.

- That's what I said.

- Right?

- Yeah.

We have

something. Two little besties.

Yeah. She's a slut.

Ha ha ha! You know what?

You guys wait

right here, old Cougars.

I got something to show you, OK?

OK.

Get the old gal up.

- Ooh.

- Got it.

Ha ha ha! Whoo!

Lightheaded. The doctor told me

to stop working,

but I was like, "No!

You stop working." Ha ha ha!

BRB, guys.

Heh. You two are a trip.

How did you know about

that Lake Arrowhead stuff?

What do you mean?

I mean, did you make it up,

did you Goggle it?

Like, how did you know

she went to Dixon?

We didn't make it up

because it's the truth.

Yeah, right. You're a couple

of high school girls

down here on

a art history field trip?

AP art history.

Ha ha ha! You messing with me.

She's good. Ha ha ha!

- What?

- What?

So what are your real names?

I'm Kate.

I'm Abby. What's your name?

Andy.

Nice to formally meet you, Andy.

Nice to meet you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey.

So how did you know

about Viceroy and Monarch?

Yeah. We just saw it

on an envelope when we

checked into the motel.

I mean, it was my idea.

I was the one who put

it into my phone, so...

We got to go.

We got to go now.

Put your foot in the shoe.

Come on. We got to go. Let's go.

Let's go!

Man, I got to pee.

OK. Can you hold it?

Hold it? Man, I been

holding it, man.

You're just hearing

about it now.

A grown man telling me

to hold my pee.

OK. Sorry.

Why don't you go

outside, grown man?

Go outside? Come on.

I can't do that.

So uncivilized.

I met you in jail,

but that's uncivilized.

It's Ari, it's Ari, it's Ari.

OK.

- Ari, hey.

- It's done?

Is what done?

How many things

are you doing right now?

Right, right.

Right... ha ha. He's doing a bit.

They haven't done

anything yet, Ari.

We're still watching

and surveilling.

What do you mean?

They got some

clothes, they went into

an artisinal restaurant,

and so now they're

getting tattoos.

Tattoos?

I know they hit the place.

I got text from them.

What the hell is going on?

Are they paying you

to play dumb,

or are you doing it for free?

Mr. "Airy," we been

sitting on them all night.

We'd have seen it.

It's "Ar-ee," and no "mister."

Jesus Christ.

Something's happening.

I bet Wheels is in on this.

I knew it!

Bring them all to me now!

- Who?

- Err!

Who do you think?

Wheels and the broads!

Are you high?

He's good.

We're gonna take care of it.

We'll talk to you so soon,

and I thank you.

Idiots!

Come on.

Let's go. We got to go.

Guys? My little kids?

Hello?

Did I just imagine all that?

Did... did we do something wrong?

Are you mad at us?

Not you. Just

time to call it a night.

Wheels, how's it going, buddy?

What are you guys doing here?

I think you know.

There's been a big mix-up.

I really think you guys

should let this go.

Sorry. Not gonna happen.

Mr. Ari's orders.

I'm not gonna let you take them.

Don't worry.

You get to come, too.

- What's happening?

- I don't know.

Get out of here!

Go get the car!

Hold on, hold on!

This dress is a

nightmare to run in.

I can't. My legs won't let me.

You're wearing workout clothes!

Aah!

Come on. Are you OK?

Stay right there, sweetie.

What are we gonna do?

What are we gonna do?

Where do we go?

This way!

- What the?

- Go!

Did he see us?

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