Bad Night Page #7

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I don't think so.

- What the hell is going on?

- I don't know.

I just want to get back

to the motel before anyone

finds out we're gone.

We should have never left.

I can't believe you got

me into all this!

I got you into all this?

Are you serious?

I didn't plan for this

to happen, Abby.

I know you didn't

plan for this to happen

because you don't plan anything.

You just do whatever

the hell you want,

and let other people

clean up the mess.

That's... that's not fair!

I'm not gonna apologize

for wanting to have fun.

If it weren't for me,

you'd never even have any!

How is this fun?

I have a tattoo,

we almost got kidnapped,

and we're in the middle

of a rave.

This is a bad night!

Yeah.

Dude, will you please

put the gun down?

Did you not see Pulp Fiction?

Put it down!

I got to ask were you guys

orphans trained

by the Yakuza ninjas?

What?

We're not who you think we are.

It's them, man, it's them!

Put the gun down!

Where is it?

Where's what?

What do you think?

The painting I paid you

lot of money

to steal for me.

I would hate to kill

the legendary Viceroy

and Monarch,

so please do not make me.

Those aren't our names.

We didn't steal any paintings.

We're just two

high school students

on an AP art history field trip.

What is this now?

You're only high school

student on art history trip

dressed like Madonna

and Jane Fonda?

- Who?

- Shut up.

I swear. AP art history.

OK. Heh.

This is how you want to play me.

You now have exactly

three seconds to tell me

what I needs to know.

- One...

- We don't know anything!

- Two...

- Sir, please.

Kate, do something.

Three!

Fine. You win. You got us.

What?

Yeah, what?

Yeah. We're Viceroy and Monarch,

and we have what

you're looking for.

You can put the gun down now.

Ha ha! I knew it! I knew it!

I knew it! Brains.

Just let us go, and we'll come

back with want you want.

OK, but no, no.

Question.

And please be totally honest.

Do I look stupid?

You really think I let you go,

both of you walk away?

No.

You go, your friend stays here,

and if you don't come back

before my buyer gets here,

I will have to kill her.

OK.

OK? You can't leave me here.

I'll be back, I promise.

Don't leave.

Go.

Kate, you can't leave me here.

Trust me.

Ticktock, ticktock, ticktock.

Kate, Kate, you

can't leave me here!

Kate!

Kate, don't leave me!

Kate, you can't leave me here!

Kate! Kate!

Kate, Kate.

Hush, please. It's annoying.

OK. Tie her up.

I must make pee-pees.

What a weird night.

Congratulations.

Don't you guys need,

like, a warrant

for this or something?

Not if we never saw this.

Right there.

There they are.

How did that happen?

You had to pee.

That's how it happened.

Damn it. They could be

anywhere by now.

Help! Help! I need help.

My friend, she's in danger.

I need someone to call the

police or something right now.

It's the girl from the TV.

What?

OK. 50 more.

Call.

I'll do 50, too.

Getting close.

I hope your partner shows up.

I'd hate to disappoint my buyer.

OK. What do you got?

Check this out. Pair aces.

Two pair. Got lucky.

Sh*t, damn, crap.

You know what happens

when I see crap?

I straight flush it. Ha ha!

Damn it. Straight flush where?

- Look at that. Right there.

- Damn it.

You should've raised

before the last card.

That's when he made his flush

and he hit his second pair.

They both had nothing

before that.

What?

This one, he made his flush

on the river card.

Am I right?

Maybe.

Definitely.

Impressive. You want to play?

Come on. Hey... shut up.

This will be interesting.

You can play for your life.

I don't know, guys.

This honestly sounds like

a terrible idea.

If anything goes wrong or you

feel in danger at any point,

just say, "Safari," and we

will come in and get you.

Safari.

I don't know anymore.

Can I change my mind?

I'm sorry. You girls interfered

with a federal investigation,

so if you and your friend

want to stay out of jail,

this is what you have to do.

Safari.

That's the code word

for us to come in... safari.

Personally,

I think you're gonna be fine.

- Shut up.

- You ready?

Safari. Safari.

- That's the word.

- Safari.

That's what's gon...

Yep. That's it.

No. I'm saying it right now.

Safari.

Should I deal?

I'll deal. Your hands are tied.

Right.

So, where did you

learn to play cards?

I play with my brothers,

even started a poker club

in high school.

Enough with the high school

stuff, already.

- I'm not idiot.

- It's the truth.

So I suppose you want me

to believe you're not

this, Viceroy and Monarch or

whatever the hell names you are.

No. My friend just

used those names

because she thought

it'd be funny.

I don't even know

what she's up to right now,

but I can assure you,

she's not getting any painting.

Ach, garbage.

- I can prove it to you.

- How?

Could I borrow your laptop?

I'll show you my profile.

It has everything

that I told you on it.

OK. Go get.

See?

My God.

Lake Arrowhead?

I love Lake Arrowhead.

- So pretty.

- Yeah.

- I almost moved there once.

- Why didn't you?

Went to prison instead. OK.

OK. Says it's private.

You have to add me.

Sorry, but I only add

people I know.

Ha! I respect

your privacy settings,

but, given the fact

that this is life or death,

I suspect you make exception.

Good point.

Let me just sign in

really quick.

Smarty pants.

Totally understand

the whole privacy thing.

You don't want a bunch

of random weirdoes

routing through your photos.

You have a Facebook?

I'm still over on MySpace.

My... You have a band?

- Yeah.

- Your band is lame.

See?

That's from today.

Holy crap. Holy crap.

2,000 friends? Impressive.

Yeah, pretty popular

around the Internet.

Heh. Poker club. Is real. Ha!

So wait. You are named... Abby?

Yep.

- You look like an Abby.

- I know.

- Spanish club, pom-pom?

- Ha!

You're pom-pom? Prom?

Look at this.

My God, AP Art History.

Christ, this is hilarious.

Ha ha ha!

She is not gangster.

She is child.

That's what I've been trying

to tell you this whole time.

We almost killed minor.

Ha ha ha!

You almost died. Ha ha ha!

Look at your face.

I had the plastic laid down

in my van and everything.

There's egg on my face.

Ha ha ha!

Where is my painting?

We need my painting!

Good luck.

I don't know

if she's got what it takes.

- Shut up.

- Shut up.

Apologies, kid.

Hell of a mix-up. Cut her loose.

No worries.

Look. I'll have my men

take you back to motel.

Go home. Don't come back, OK?

- Deal.

- Right.

Hey, hello. This is Ari.

For-real Monarch or Viceroy,

please call.

Emergency. Call me now.

Damn it. Gosh darn it.

- Hey.

- What the hell?

- Kate?

- I got what you wanted.

- What?

- Yep.

- What?

- Here it is.

Now let my friend go

like you promised.

- We're square here.

- Kate, what are you doing?

I told him the truth.

He was about to let me go.

Don't call me Kate, Viceroy.

I'm saving your life.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Viceroy?

I... I have no idea

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