Bad Santa 2 Page #9

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I can't, sir.

It still has eight minutes to reboot.

What? Call the police!

- Let's go, come on!

- I'm on it.

Well, that can't be more

than half a million, 600 tops.

Well, f***, that's all we got.

Perfect amount for my cut.

Are you shitting me? Really?

You know the old lady's right.

Not so big now, are you?

Come on, come on,

come on, come on.

Motherfuckers!

- Lock it down. The whole building!

- We're on a level-ten lockdown.

Lockdown level ten.

- Get in!

- You get in!

Evacuate the concert!

And search everyone.

Halle-f***ing-lujah!

On, baby!

'Oh!

Sweet Jesus, you made it!

What's the f***ing Santy Claus outfit

all about?

Now step the f*** back!

- What are you doing, runt?

- It's called thinning the herd.

World's gonna be a better place

without the f***ing Sokes in it.

I'm gonna live like a king this time.

- A f***ing sultan!

- Not in this lifetime, Sparky-.

- The bag goes with me.

- You mean with us.

- No, I mean me.

- What the f*** did you just say?

When I said this was my last job,

I meant it was my last job with you.

I knew I should've left, second

I saw your miserable f***ing face.

Why did I forget?

Nice job on the safe, though.

Yeah, I'm real proud of you.

Well, you know something, Mama?

Maybe you're not as smart

as you think you are.

Did you forget about this?

Oh, how could I have forgotten?

Go ahead. Shoot me, shitstick.

They're blanks, Willie.

You really think I'd be dumb enough

to put real bullets in that gun?

Well, I ain't afraid of you, b*tch!

I'll blow a hole through your ass so...

The f***?

Drop your weapons!

Put your hands in the...

Hey, hang on a second. She's got

the money, I'm just a f***ing guy!

Willie! Hey, Willie!

Ticket please.

Let us through right now.

We're chasing a suspect.

Come here.

Come on, man.

- Hey!

- Found this on the coffee table.

- Well, hoo-f***ing-rah, William.

Well, give me the f***ing bag.

I'm taking this back to the kids.

I'd rather them have it

than your sorry ass.

- Don't test me, boy.

- You're gonna shoot me too?

- You f***ing shot me!

- I told you I would. You never listen.

Let go of the bag, William.

Let go of the bag.

Goddamn it, let go of the f***ing bag!

Money!

It's raining money!

She's got a gun!

Willie!

Drop the weapon! Get down!

The f*** is going on? Hey, goddamn it!

I caught a f***ing

midget-murdering f***ing armed robber.

I'm a goddamn hero.

Don't worry, Willie. I'm okay.

It's just in my butt.

Willie?

No!

Oh, f...

Stand clear.

Oh! F*** me!

- Merry Christmas.

- Yeah.

Well, I guess this is

what they call a happy ending.

But as far as Christmas miracles go,

sh*t, I don' know.

That a**hole Regent ended up

getting busted

while I got off clean by rafting out

my steaming pile of sh*t mother.

Guess I did learn one thing about family

from that crazy b*tch.

And that is, if yours happens to be

a bag of d*cks, then f*** them.

- Start over.

- Oh yeah candles burning low

Lots of mistletoe

Lots of snow and ice

Everywhere we go

Choirs singing carols

Right outside my door

All these things and more

All these things and more, babe

That's what Christmas means to me

My love

Yeah

So maybe there is no such thing

as a Christmas miracle, or whatever.

But I've worn the suit enough to know

a perfect Christmas gift when I see one.

And like the kid says,

"The best gifts are always a surprise."

So if a happy ending is staring at you

right in the f***ing face,

then just say, "All right,

I guess I'll take it "

And wish you a Merry Christmas, baby

Wish you a Merry Christmas, baby

And such happiness in the coming year

Baby, baby, baby

All these things and more, baby

That's what Christmas means to me

My love

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