Bad Words Page #3

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Build it up.

Okay.

Climbing a mountain.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Got it? One foot in

front of the other.

Okay. Now we're joggin'. Now

we're joggin'. (MOANING)

Who wants to run?

Don't look at me!

Do you want me to

grab your balls?

Do you want me to stick my

finger in your a**hole?

Shut the f*** up!

(MOANING LOUDLY)

(GRUNTING)

Oh!

(EXHALES)

Don't look at me!

Wow. Okay.

Second time, shame on me.

I had a good time, too.

Thanks.

So if I need fresh

towels in the morning,

I should just put

my name on this?

(CHUCKLES)

Okay. Well, I'll see you

tomorrow, or whatever...

Bye.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING

ON HEADPHONES)

(GROANS)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

You know, if you really

had it all together,

you wouldn't be leavin' your...

Sorry to bother you, but the

lady said you were still awake.

Would you mind helping me

open this jar of pretzels?

Wow. Small room.

(KNOCKING)

Can you help me? I haven't had

anything to eat all night.

I was studying my words so hard

that I missed

room service hours,

and this jar's too

hard for me to open.

(KNOCKING)

Are you opening it now

or have you taken it?

Great. Thanks.

I was also wondering

if you wanted to be my friend.

GUY:
Why would I want to be

friends with a 9-year-old'?

Ten, but okay, that's cool.

I just thought it would be fun to

study together before tomorrow.

Drink soda pop from

the mini-bar and stuff.

You got a mini-bar in there?

I do.

What about Mom and Dad?

My dad believes I should

learn how to be my own man.

And that means staying in my own

hotel room myself this weekend.

So he's just staying in a

different room down here, is he?

He's staying at a fancier

hotel a few blocks away.

Nice guy-

It's kind of neat. I get to jump

on the bed as much as I want.

But tonight I messed up

and missed room service.

Have you named your binder?

Yes. Todd.

He has all the words I've

ever memorized in there.

And their origins.

Todd's my key to success.

I think I've spent more hours

with Todd than even my parents.

He's cool and he's smart, and

that's why I named him Todd.

No, that makes sense.

Have you figured out

your favorite word?

GUY:
No, I sure haven't.

Is it the "F" word?

It's up there.

Because you say it a lot.

Everyone should.

Not me. My father

says bad words.

What about your dad?

Never met him. But my mom

said bad words a lot.

And you can say bad words.

Who gives a sh*t?

I shouldn't Why not?

You should just

say what you feel.

That's what they're there for.

Why don't you try one?

I feel the opposite

of bad-wordy right now.

Will you just say something

bad, you f***in' Quaker?

Umm...

Motherf***er?

Great. Perfect.

That's a good one.

And did your soul

burst into flames? No.

Nope. I'm okay.

You're a little weirdo.

You know that?

Hey. Hey.

(SNORTS)

It's morning.

You passed out last night

and I was scared to wake you.

My dad will be here any minute.

You should go.

Okay.

You sleep good, d*ckhead?

JENNY:
So what do you want

to know about this morning?

GUY:
Uh, nothing unless

it's really important.

Oh, you're gonna be seated

next to Braden Aftergood.

He comes from bee royalty.

Consider me warned. Oh, good,

because he is awesome.

Is he?

Yeah.

Is he a great speller?

Did I leave my underpants

in your room last night?

As a matter of fact, you...

I don't know.

Would you look for me' please?

I only brought three pairs.

I probably would

have seen them, Jenny.

My room has no sink,

shower or toilet.

Score one for Deagan.

You know, you can put

me on the board, too.

GUY; Obviously, if I could figure

out a way to be less stubborn,

the right way to fix things

would be easier to see.

Window! Window!

You take that one.

Yes.

Pretty impressive.

DIRECTOR:
All right, everybody,

we're going live in five minutes.

Excuse me. Press? Click and Scroll?

Uh, yes.

DEAGAN:
Yeah,

I understand all that.

Here's the randomized

list for this round.

Do me a favor and

enunciate this year.

Well, look who's here.

USHER:
Can you hook it on

your chair or something?

Thanks.

Good luck.

I'm a contestant, buddy.

"GUY 1 How you Gum"?

DIRECTOR:
Can we get them

to sit down, please, ma'am?

Hey, Guy!

Oh, look

who's here. Hi.

Where's me? Is this me?

Excuse me.

(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)

PETE:
Welcome, everyone,

to the 111th

Annual Golden Quill

National Spelling Bee.

I'm Pete Fowler coming to you live

from historic Figueroa Auditorium

here in sunny

Los Angeles, California.

This year marks the first year

that the Golden Quill

has been nationally televised,

and we can think of no better

captain for such a maiden voyage

than the President of

the Quill Institute itself.

Welcome to your tournament,

Professor William Bowman.

Or should I say

Dr. Bowman?

It all depends on whether

you're sick or confused.

Otherwise, just Bill.

Well, let's get

started, shall we'?

We have all 50 competitors in the

room, and we're ready to begin.

Our first competitor

is Ling Quan.

Ling says that

when she grows up,

she would like to be President

of the United States.

Making it your fourth to reach

the office, would it not?

DR. BOWMAN:
It would.

Best of luck, Ling.

Dactylogram.

Dactylog ram?

Dactylogram.

Dactylogram.

Dactylogram.

Can I have the

definition, please?

PROCTOR:
"A fingerprint."

LING:
Dactylogram.

Can I have the origin, please?

PROCTOR:
From a Greek

combination dactylos...

I'm Guy. And you're Braden, right'?

Braden Aftergood?

I'm not supposed to talk to you.

Why not?

Because my dad says

you're probably just

some unemployed bum

trying to steal the prize

money that I deserve,

and that you're a cheater.

He said that, huh?

He did.

PROCTOR:
It is a noun.

Can you tell your dad that I don't

blame him for being so angry?

And then can you

do me another favor?

Can you give these

to your mother?

She left those in

my room last night.

I would do it myself,

but your dad is here,

and we've already

covered his mood.

I don't want to kick the nest.

Do you know what I mean?

(SIGHS)

Buddy, good luck with that divorce.

They get so nasty.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about probably

a very dysfunctional marriage.

I'm glad I was there for her.

It's just animal

instinct, you know?

(LING SPELLING WORD)

She can't help it.

Shd's just human. Okay?

And she was very sweet

I want you to know that.

(LING CONTINUES SPELLING)

She held me aftenuards.

A nice woman.

That is correct.

Hey!

(ALL APPLAUDING)

You're up, dawg.

DR. BOWMAN:

Poised, intelligent.

She's got my vote.

PETE:
Next, we have

probably one of this year's

strongest competitors,

Braden Aftergood.

And that reminds me,

my very first spelling bee,

I had my lucky bottle

cap in my back pocket.

Looks like he's got

his good luck hankie there.

(CHUCKLES)

PROCTOR:
Noctivaganl.

(STAMMERING) I'm sorry.

Uh, definition?

PROCTOR:
Going about

in the night.

Night wandering.

Um, noctivagant. Wait.

Can you use it in a sentence?

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