Bad Words Page #7

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you in the face. Okay?

You little f***! I can't believe

I was your goddamn mark!

It was my dad's idea, okay?

No, it wasn't.

You're a little liar.

He felt you were the biggest threat.

Great.

And you were.

Yup.

Dad, I really like him.

You make me sick.

You know that'?

I'm not doing the plan anymore.

I'm just being friends.

Because we are now.

No, we're not. I didn't

know we would be!

Really? I thought

winning wasn't everything.

It isn't everything!

Not now!

Sure sounds like it.

You're a liar!

Guy, you showed

me my first b*obs.

What did he say?

Another lie.

He's a lying machine.

Guy, please!

Please what?

My dad will be so

disappointed in me if I lose!

I don't want that!

Well, tough sh*t.

I guess you're just gonna have

to try to beat me now, huh.

And you can have this back.

(DOOR SLAMS)

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello?

Hi, Chaitanya. This is

Ingrid at the front desk.

Your father just called

to say he's driving by,

and if you can be in

the lobby in one minute,

he'll take you

out for ice cream.

Really?

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

Todd!

Todd!

(ALARM BEEPING)

(CLICKS OFF)

OPERATOR:
Los Angeles 911.

Hello?

Is it an emergency?

Yes, this is an emergency.

What is the nature and the

location of your emergency?

Please send the police to the

Sportsman's Lodge Hotel right away.

What's the problem?

I just saw a man drag

a teenager into his room,

and she was screaming for help.

But as soon as the door shut,

the screaming suddenly stopped.

(BANGING ON DOOR)

COP:
LAPD. Open up.

(GROANS)

(BANGING ON DOOR)

(SIGHS) What are you tryin' to

do to me, you little b*tch?

He's still got her in there.

Open up, now!

(BANGING ON DOOR)

(YAWNS)

Hold your tits.

I'm coming.

Sh*t, get in there now.

Break the door.

(GUY GRUNTS)

Little bastard.

At least they

didn't press charges.

I'll be pressing

the f***ing charges.

It almost broke my goddamn face!

Guy, I've gotta talk

to you about something.

I don't care how much of

an a**hole you are to me,

I'm getting it said right now.

I've been doing some digging...

Would you stop walking

for one second?

Jesus Christ!

I'm kind of all you have.

Can't walk and talk?

What's wrong?

I found out who your father is.

Oh, okay.

(SCOFFS)

(SIGHS) Good for you.

I guess you're not as bad a

reporter as I thought you were.

It took you a while,

though, don't you think?

It was right there.

So that's what you're up to?

Yeah.

Couple of months ago,

the day my mom died,

she finally told me who he

was and where he was, and...

And, um...

It pissed me off,

obviously, so here I am.

He was just a traveling

encyclopedia salesman

and she was

a waitress at a diner.

And she got pregnant and she

told him, and he took off.

That's it?

He never returned?

No.

He never called?

Nothin'.

So he has no idea who you are?

He has no clue.

But he will.

As soon as I'm

done embarrassing him

and his precious spelling bee,

Bill Bowman will

never forget who I am.

And I think that that

is just the bare minimum

that a son can expect

from his father, don't you?

Good digging.

Did you park up here?

Mmm-hmm.

Dr. Bowman, I know that

Director Deagan's resignation

was as difficult for you as it was for her.

Your thoughts?

She has served this tournament

well for many years.

It's a tragedy that the frayed

integrity of this year's tournament

has touched her post as well.

I hope we can finish up now

without any more casualties.

Profoundly stated.

Now let's begin this,

the final round.

Ten competitors remain.

First up, Eric Tai

from Shorewood, Wisconsin.

I'm gonna bust your nut.

I'm gonna f***in' end you.

Inchoate.

Inchoate.

Can I have the

definition, please?

PROCTOR:
"Not yet completed or

fully developed, rudimentary."

GUY". The closer I go! to the end,

the more I thought about the goal.

And the more I

thought about the win.

C-H-O-A-T-E. inchoate.

That is correct.

PETE:
And once again, Chaitanya

Chopra approaches the microphone.

He was here last year,

and he hopes to

bring it all the way to

the finish line this year.

Well, he has company

on that hope.

PROCTOR:
Tmesis.

Tmesis.

Definition?

"In grammar and rhetoric,"

"the separation of the

parts of a compound word"

"now generally done

for humorous effect."

"For example,

'abso-bloody-lutely."

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Is the origin from

the Greek "a cutting"?

Yes.

Tmesis. T-

M-E-S-I-S.

Tmesis.

PROCTOR:
That is correct.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

(AUDIENCE BOOING)

PROCTOR:
Quiet in

the audience, please.

PETE:
Mr. Trilby has

certainly received

his fair share of booing

at this year's tournament.

DR. BOWMAN:
Yes,

another of this year's firsts.

PROCTOR:
Thank you.

(BOOING DIES DOWN)

Continuing.

Slubberdegullion.

Slubberdegullion?

PROCTOR:
Slubberdegullion.

WOMAN:
Perfect.

S...

I know the definition of that.

"A dirty, wretched slob."

Just like you, sir.

Was I supposed to hear that?

Yes, you were. Because

that's what you are.

Madam, please. Or I'm going

to have to ask you to leave.

You're gonna have

to ask me to leave?

I think you should

ask him to leave, huh!

GUY:
Take it easy.

PROCTOR:
Gentlemen' please.

You're telling me

to take it easy?

GUY:
We're trying to

have a spelling bee!

You're bringing the cops.

Ma'am, please...

No! No, no! He called my

baby boy a cocksucker,

and I will not repeat what he

said to me about my vagina.

SECURITY GUARD:
Okay, ma'am,

that's it, we're going.

Nope. I'm not going.

You have to carry me out.

No, I'm gonna sit here,

I'm gonna stay here,

and you're gonna have to work

for it, you cocksuckers!

Because I have a beautiful,

young, fully-elasticized vagina.

(CONTINUES SHOUTING

INDISTINCTLY)

Don't take me out!

Take him out!

Well, here's hoping

that the guys in the truck

found the

seven-second button...

CROWD:
(CHANTING)

Take him out! Take him out!

Before you were all exposed

to a category of words

we're not accustomed to dealing

with here at the Quill.

That's enough! That is enough!

(BLOWING RASPBERRY)

This is the Golden

Quill Spelling Bee.

We're on television

in millions of homes.

Show some respect

for the tournament.

And for me.

I believe the word

was slubberdegullion.

PROCTOR:
That's correct.

Slubberdegullion.

S-L-U-B-B-E-R-

D-E-G-U-L-L-I-O-N.

That is correct.

(CROWD GROANING)

GUY:
With the humiliation

part taken care of

and the favored

child all but killed,

maybe I already had my win.

Eric Tai.

Kopophobia.

Kopophobia.

Can I have the

definition, please?

"Fear of exhaustion."

"Otherwise known as

'Lexicographes Curse!"

Is it derived from the Greek

kopos meaning "fatigue"?

PROCTOR:
Yes.

K-O-P-O-P-O-B-I-A.

No!

(DINGS)

(CROWD MURMURING)

PETE:
Oh, my. Eric knew

that he left out the

it's been a long, long day, and

it's clearly taken its toll on him.

Well, well. I think

you're gonna like this.

We're on the verge

of history here,

with 40-year-old Guy

Trilby in the final two.

PROCTOR:
Parisology.

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