Baked in Brooklyn Page #3

Hi.

- Hey.

- How much would that scale be?

- That is 40, but for you, 35.

- Oh, wow, that's so nice.

Thank you.

Yeah, I'll take that, please.

- Anything else?

- Could I also get some

of those baggies, please?

- You got a lot

of jewelry, right?

- Why do you think that?

- That is what you put

in the baggies, right?

- Oh.

- Jewelry, yeah.

- Jewelry, yeah, no, yeah, for--

that's why I need

the baggies, is for my jewelry.

- Right, for jewelry.

- Yeah, also the scale

is for weighing jewelry.

It's all jewelry purchases.

- Total, $40.

- Okay.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

- Good luck, huh?

- Thanks, with my jewelry.

Okay.

Oh, God, sorry.

Sorry.

- It's all right.

- Okay, sorry, bye.

Thank you.

[rock music]

"Hey, this is David Shapiro.

"I lost my job,

so I sell weed now.

"This is my weed number.

"Text me if you need, please.

"I deliver.

Also feel free

to pass this number around."

How am I gonna sell all this?

I texted everyone

I know who smokes,

like, two hours ago,

and I got one response.

I feel like that might not

add up to a full-time job.

- Could you just not sell it

and then say that you did?

- I don't think that

would be super profitable,

but it's a good idea.

- You know, I was actually

thinking about this,

and do you realize that

if you get caught

selling weed,

it doesn't matter

where you went to college

or how cute you are?

Because nobody

who pays over minimum wage

is ever going to hire you ever.

I just really want

the best for you.

I mean, I really care about you.

I know that sounds

really corny, but I do.

Do you want to see something?

- Yeah.

- Okay, hand me my laptop.

- Oh, on your laptop.

- Yes, on my laptop.

What more do you want to see?

- I don't know.

- You're gonna like it.

I promise.

- All right, laptop.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome. Uh-oh.

- Okay, get ready.

Ta-da.

- What is this?

- This is a replacement

for that ugly, hideous couch

in your living room.

- Whoa, pump the brakes.

You just moved in here,

like, 45 seconds ago,

and you're already redecorating.

Yo, this my bach pad, B.

It's not our starter home.

- Oh, give me a break.

I just thought it might, like,

make the room

less hideous, you know?

And it'll make

it more comfortable,

and it's, like,

a perfect replacement

because it probably

doesn't smell as bad.

And that's a huge problem

that I'm having with the one

that you have now.

What are you doing?

Are you trying to,

like, figure out a way

to sell weed on the Internet?

- No, I'm just trying something.

I probably won't even

go through with it.

- This is completely

f***ing insane.

Please do not use your one phone

call from jail on me.

I am not going to help you.

[soft music]

[phone chimes]

[upbeat music]

- Hey.

Are--are you MJ?

- Yeah.

- Okay, and you are a cop,

because you have to tell me

if you're a cop.

Please just tell me

if you're a cop.

- I'm definitely not a cop.

- Promise?

- Yeah.

But I might be a psychopath

who wants to lure

into our apartment

to murder you.

- Honestly that would be, like,

a huge relief to me

versus you being a cop.

Okay, where do we do this?

- My apartment's right there.

- And you're not gonna, like,

rob me or something, right?

'Cause I don't have any

cash on me.

It would be a total waste

of your time,

so don't rob me, please.

Maybe I should get one

of those stickers that says,

"Carries less

than $30 cash," and,

like, put it on my bike,

you know, 'cause then people

would know not to rob me.

It wouldn't be worthwhile.

Yeah, no, this isn't

where I would take somebody

and then rob them

or murder them.

In a darkened staircase.

That's 20.

Have you ordered online

before or...

- No, I just did it 'cause

I just moved here

and I don't know anybody.

So do you have, like,

regular hours,

or can you deliver whenever?

- I deliver whenever.

Just email me when you need.

- I'm gonna need, like,

every day, so

maybe we should just

set up a time

and do that.

- Okay, do you want

to say here every day at noon?

- Yeah, sounds good.

- Cool, I will see you

tomorrow then.

- See you tomorrow.

- See you tomorrow.

[playful rock music]

[phone chiming]

- I never knew sea horses

are hermaphrodites.

- Yeah,

that's pretty incredible.

- Yeah.

- I made my first sale.

Bye.

John, what's up, man?

- What's up?

- 20.

- Whoa.

Hey, mom, no,

I'm on my lunch break,

but I just wanted to call

and tell you

that work is going

much better than it was,

and I don't want you to worry

about me not liking my job,

because, you know, I do.

- I never grow up

in my head

Oh, my heart and soul

are dead

- Sorry.

- In my mind

I'm alone

In my mind

- That's awesome.

- I'm alone

New York City

New York City

New York City

New York City

New York

- Breaking news,

the U.S. stock market

witnessed one of its worst

trading days in history

when the Dow dropped

nearly 20% today.

- Hello?

- Panicked brokers are trying

to encourage investors

to keep them selling,

but it doesn't look

like it's doing much good.

Let's go to our financial

expert James Douglas,

who's live on Wall Street

and witnessing the chaos--

- What's up, dude?

- Hey, are you Jeff?

You're Jeff.

What did you need?

- Do you have eighth?

- Yeah.

So it's, um, 80.

Sweet apartment.

- Thanks, it was a birthday gift

from my father.

- My dad once got me a LSA prep book for my birthday.

- Hey, do you want to smoke?

- No, I actually have

some deliveries

right now to do, but thanks,

and maybe next time.

[dramatic music]

- You Green Jacket?

We have to go for a ride.

- How far are we going?

- Around the block.

- Do you think we could go

into a store or something?

I was told to, you know, like,

not get into cars

with strangers.

- Kid, don't waste

my f***ing time.

Can you roll me one?

- Yeah.

No, thanks.

- No, thanks?

- It makes me uncomfortable.

Get paranoid, very prone

to panic attacks, anxiety,

et cetera.

- [laughs]

You don't seem like

a regular pot dealer.

- You're not really

a regular pot buyer.

- How'd you get into this?

- I want to be a writer,

but that doesn't really

seem realistic,

so I'm doing this until

something better occurs to me.

Before this, I had

a conventional job,

but I lost it.

- I know how you feel.

The board of directors

at my firm

is meeting--well...

they're gonna remove me.

- You want to deal weed?

I could put you in touch

with my supplier.

- [laughs]

No, thank you.

Appreciate it.

Is that your bike?

I used to have an old Schwinn

when I was in college.

That thing weighs, like,

half a f***ing ton, right?

- It's heavy,

but I think maybe only,

like, 30 or 40 pounds.

- Why don't you get yourself

something decent?

- Are you serious?

- I'm investing

in your operation.

When you're a kingpin,

you'll bring me some free bags.

[playful rock music]

- Good luck with the Board.

[upbeat rock music]

- Take your pride and stick

it in your pocket

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