Bal-Can-Can Page #4

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be looking inside the

trailer, no one will look at

the carpet!

You know something?

- Huh?

You weren't like this before...

Now you're somehow...

more determined.

It's the war, honey. I saw this

program on TV once,

they said that when a man

faced death, something like

an instinct suddenly

woke up inside him...

Survival instinct, you mean.

- Yeah, yeah, that's it.

Well. Makes sense to me.

Bastards! Half of this stuff is

past its "use by" date...

So what. These

days everyone is afraid of

the mad cow disease.

And if you're carrying

bad food, no one will

ever ask about...

...the carpet!

- Oh, mama!

Damn Bulgarians!

They've stolen the carpet!

Ruza!

You murderer!

Bloodsucker!

You'll send us all

to our graves!

I'll listen to you once,

and this is what happens...

You monster!

Mother was right, we should

have turned you over to

Jango the Soap, to be

court-martialled, you animal!

Go ahead, cry, just keep on

crying! You'll do whatever

it takes to find mom!

If you want to kill me,

kill me on the spot...

Where could I find your

mother now?

Where?

Stolen things are where

the thieves are, that's where.

But you're such a schmuck,

they'll steal you, too!

You can't just do that on

your own.

Your late father, Seraphim...

- Don't even mention him!

...he used to tell stories about

his friend in Italy,

some rascal that could sell

his own mother...

Vitomir. But he's dead.

- Yes, but he had a son...

What was his name?

Santino.

Santino Genovese.

That's right!

If we want justice, we must

go to Don Genovese!

Hello?

- Good afternoon.

May I speak to...

- May I speak to.

May I speak to Santino

Genovese?

That very moment, I heard

the terrible voice of the past!

"Santino... Help your little

blood brother

if he's ever in trouble..."

I am Santino Genovese, the

son of the late Vitomir.

I came to pay off an old debt.

The essence of every suspense

action, bro', is to keep cool.

Like Jackie Chan in "Shanghai

Noon", or Dolph Lundgren

in "Red Scorpion"...More

salt! Or the blond chick

in "The Texas Chainsaw

Massacre", get it?

What's he saying?

- Just a moment...

Ah, here it is:
Chainsaw!

- What about Chainsaw?

Chainsaw, that's it, chainsaw,

bravo! So, no panic.

What are we looking for?

A granny inside a stolen

carpet? Okay, no problem!

Where do we look for stolen

carpets? In a supermarket?

Don't be ridiculous, bro'.

The stolen stuff is where the

stolen stuff dealers are.

And who works with the

stolen-stuff dealers?

Everybody knows:
The Pope!

Just a moment...

Hello, Pope? Ciao, Sonny

here, Vito's boy.

How are you? Celebrating?

Your brother is out on parole?

His bro' is a paedophile.

He traded on the internet

with stolen credit cards.

What a son of a b*tch!

That's great, give him

my congratulations!

Listen, Pope, I need some

information:
Who runs the

stolen furniture business

in Southeast Europe?

Wait a second...

Uh-huh... And what's

the address?

You sure? No, I'm not in

a mess, just helpin' out...

I'm just helpin'...

Papa, don't preach!

Thanks, Pope,

you're a dogma!

Dirty motherf***er...

Have you ever heard of

some Greek guy named...

...what the f*** is his name...

...Homer?

Can't have strong lights.

Because of eyes.

Live with blinds down.

Sleep during day,

do business night.

Like Batman, he, he...

So, you search carpet, eh?

And something in carpet.

And what in carpet?

Don't want say me, eh?

I have bathroom tiles.

Italian tiles. Very pretty.

Madam could put

tiles instead carpet.

Tiles, tiles, tiles...

So, you want carpet only?

Why, is that carpet fly?

Homer jokes.

Aha, fish tank!

Want to buy fish tank?

Very pretty. All glass.

Gold fish swim.

Ouch! Easy, bro'...

- Sorry, bro'...

Wait, wait, wait! I know

everything about carpet...

Carpet brought one

Romanian, lousy player,

steals cheep stuff

only...

And carpets no good,

don't sell...

Wait, wait, wait! In my

job technique is: Keep good

stuff, ship out bad stuff.

Carpet shipped out.

Where to? - To Belgrade,

the Serbia. Have business

partner there, powerful

man, great man,

holds territory from Danube

to Drina... Carpet there.

Enough!

Ruza!

You listen to me, Ruza,

and go back home.

This is a man's job. Blood

brother! - Oh, Bro'...

Do you know what

Chucky Chelmer says

in "The Last Cowboy"?

Let's ride!

Okay, you'll translate later!

Belgrade in Serbia.

Guys, I'm no innocent

Little Red Riding Hood,

but that city is stranger

that the strangest forest.

The misery and

glory of a former empire!

While two gorillas

were touching my balls,

I'd the feeling that perhaps

old Homer had set us up...

...but I was wrong!

Told you, man, I'm not lying

I don't carry guns,

it's not my style...

Where's your boss?

Mr. Veselin will

receive you later.

At the moment he's busy

with his afternoon jogging.

Tell them that they've

come to the wrong place...

Mr. Veselin says you've

come to the wrong place...

Tell them that this

is not a tavern,

but the honest home

of an honest man.

He says that this

isn't a tavern,

but the honest home

of an honest man...

It's true that I am

Veselin Kabadajich,

but it's not true that

I'm a carpet dealer.

It's true that his name

is Veselin Kabadajich,

but it's not true that

he deals with carpets!

Carpets.

- Carpets...

I'm a serious Serbian

businessman, I publish

one... No, two daily

newspapers and two

magazines, I own a

TV and a radio station,

I have two factories,

one for packaging,

the other for meat products...

He's a serious Serbian

businessman, he publishes

three daily newspapers

and two magazines,

he owns a TV and a

radio station, he has two...

C'mon, faster, faster!

- He has two factories, one

for packaging and the

other for meat products!

And what's this f***ing carpet?

What would I want a

carpet for, I could have

millions of carpets, f*** you

and your f***ing carpets!

Am I right?

- Right, right.

And you know what? Tell

him not to f*** with me,

'cause I could kill

him on the spot,

or I'll call the police! - And

he's warning you not to

f*** with him, he's an

emotional person and he'll

kill you on the spot,

or he'll call the police!

You can choose!

Well... better police, then.

- Get the f*** out of here!

Calm down.

Let's talk about it, eh?

Tell your boss that Santino

Genovese is not a d*ckhead.

I have friends who keep me

informed, so it's no use

trying to fool me. Tell him,

I know that he's hiding

from the new government

because of his involvement

in organized crime, I know

that he f***ed up in the

Balkan Wars, and I know

that an international

warrant for war crimes

has been issued on him.

Translate.

He says that he has friends

who keep him informed...

And he knows, errr... that

you were in Srebrenica...

Shut your trap!

That's what the times were

like. Hungry bums on one

side, and piles of

money on the other.

And then what? Leave

the money to the bums?

Do you think I'm crazy?

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