Bald Page #7

---

# And I wonder #

# Wonder #

# Can she read between the lines #

# And I wonder #

# Wonder #

# Can she ever be mine #

Has it started yet?

- Not yet.

- Good.

It's right this way.

Nice tits, girly.

That's a nice piece of ass too.

# Draped across her shoulders #

# And I wonder #

# Wonder #

# Would she stay with me tonight #

# And I wonder #

# Wonder #

# What I'd give to make her mine #

F*** me.

[Sobbing]

[All laughing]

[Cheers and applause]

That's my story.

It might not be the best

life lesson one can learn,

but it sure was a good time.

If you're wondering

about my hair transplant,

the answer is, yes.

I cancelled my appointment

with Matthew McConaughey's

hair transplant doctor

and no longer wish to cut open my head

in the name of confidence and security.

A wise man once said,

"the less hair I have,

the more head I get."

Thanks for listening,

and stay strong, my balding brothers.

We always have each other,

even if it's just to compare hairlines.

# I don't want to talk about it #

# Leave well enough alone #

# This subject causes me pain #

# Don't act like you don't notice #

Don't be embarrassed.

What the f***?

Come on, Woodsy, it's the big time.

[Making siren noises]

Oh, I forgot about you.

Here you go, baby.

[Laughing]

Hello.

This'll be a celebration

of the human body.

How can I help?

[Retches]

This sh*t is disgusting.

[Laughter]

I'll suck the roof off your dick.

I hate it when you

make me say this, man.

All right, let's hear it. This is it.

Go, "Jack Latner rules."

Okay.

And go.

Jack Latner rules.

Jack Latner rules.

Now, one time, the B rules.

The B rules.

Say, "Hell, I rule."

Hell, I rule.

Now, just go, "Whoo."

I love the B.

I'll suck the roof off your dick.

If I was Macaulay Culkin right now,

where would I be?

Where's Michael Jackson's dick?

- Bong, bong.

- Squishy, squishy.

Okay now, D, D, look

not happy, like, yeah.

What is it?

I'll suck your dixies?

No, your dickses,

as if it were D-I-C-K-S

and then have an apostrophe and an S.

Aren't b*obs great?

I love 'em.

[Giggles]

Oh, I bet he loves milk.

F*** yeah, nigga.

Motherf***er!

F***in' dawg, nigga.

Yeah.

Come on, Rachel, sit

down now, very slowly.

Onto Andrew.

What do you mean?

Sit down now.

Lean back.

- I can't really lean...

- Put your bum on his chest.

It is.

Oh, can you go any lower?

I mean...

Four seconds, then sit

all the way down, okay?

And we won't have to do it again.

Wait till... I'll tell you when.

Are your eyes clean?

Yes.

Back up.

Look here, you got to start here.

No, you take him.

Oh.

I said I'd share.

Don't you want me to share?

No, he's all yours.

I don't want him.

I think he's lactose intolerant.

[Growling]

Your wish...

is my command.

# Ooh ooh #

# Ooh ooh ooh ooh #

I'll suck the roof off your dick.

Oh, God.

All right, cut,

that's good, we got it.

# Sisters #

# Doin' it for themselves #

Mike, stop looking at my ass.

[Shrieking]

Those are some big ass titties!

Yo.

My function.

Cha, cha, cha.

Yo.

We was only yelling 'cause

you was laughing, dawg.

Come on, G money, just want

to learn in peace, word.

Yo, f*** that.

This is the B class.

Whatever the B says, goes.

This is speech class, motherf***er.

That means it's all

right to make a statement.

Suck this dick,

f*** your brother in the ass,

and eat your grandma's greasy goochie.

This is Psychology, yo.

Whatever, white

boy, shut the f*** up.

You are so beautiful.

Those are the biggest

bikity tits I've ever seen.

Cut.

Cut, cut.

# And the rest will follow #

Did you just ash my ass?

I am so abused, I can't stand it.

What?

Keep going.

Be sexual.

Wha... ah?

Am I...

going to...

[laughs]

Chris, zoom in on that.

Pretend gay.

Two minutes isn't enough, though.

Doot, doot.

Oh, that's perfect, cut.

Whoo!

Good, now, look, 'cause

it's starting to go bad.

Cut.

Oh.

Oh, pillow fight.

They got... they're trying

to take my pants off, B.

[Laughter]

Come on, ladies, you

know I'm packin', come on.

- We got it, man.

- Cut.

I need a sandwich

for that, but all right.

Pooh!

# I want to put a dick in my mouth #

# Joey be the inspiration #

# He slams his balls to

the back of my throat #

# I think I need a tonsil operation #

# When you love somebody #

# Just like Joey Powers #

# When you love somebody #

# Just like Joey Powers #

Okay, now lower the mic.

Lower the mic, open your mouth.

# When you lo... #

I am so abused, I can't stand it.

Bob it in there.

- Wha...

- Keep going.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes