Balls of Fury Page #5

I think he would

be very proud of you.

Yeah.

So proud of you

that he would probably bet

some money on you again.

I could use the cash. Ha-ha.

Tell your dead parents

I said, "What's up?"

(LAUGHING)

We're staying.

Win or lose,

I got to play him.

I can't keep running away

from that German fruit salad.

Now I am proud.

It is better to die

like a tiger

than to live like a p*ssy.

I'm gonna go tell Rodriguez.

Rodriguez?

Rodriguez?

Open! Eat it!

Eat it!

(MOANING IN PAIN)

How was I supposed to know

you were gonna

change your mind?

Silence. What's done is done.

Let's hope it works.

I hate you guys.

Mr. Feng,

there's been an accident.

Oh, no!

What have you...

I broke it.

Oh, my God!

Did that hurt?

Yes!

Oh, dear.

I have no choice.

I have to disqualify you.

I suppose

Karl is our champion.

Oh yeah! Oh yeah!

This is far from over,

Daytona!

AUDIENCE:

You suck!

Hey! Hey, come on.

That stings. Who said that?

Well, poop.

Randy, I was serious

about my offer, okay?

And e-mail me

when you make up your mind.

"Pradafan" is all one word.

I can't tell you

how disappointed I am.

(YELLING IN CHINESE)

I'm afraid your reputation

has preceded you,

Agent Rodriguez.

Are you still waiting

for your backup?

Bad guys have

homing beacons, too.

(SIGHING)

Competition will continue

as scheduled.

Hope you're a good southpaw.

MAHOGANY:

Three-point game.

To the death.

Come on.

(EXCLAIMING NERVOUSLY)

I'm cool, man. I'm cool.

Oops. Clumsy, clumsy hippos.

You should be more careful

with your racquet.

It's not like

I get these shoes for free.

Oh, wait. Yes, I do.

I do get them for free.

Time out.

Master, look.

It's your brother's paddle.

It's my winning paddle.

I mean, I don't know

what the hell

I'm gonna do now.

Gweilo!

Have I taught you nothing?

Game not in paddle.

Game in you.

You cannot change

what is past.

You must play for this man.

Here, use this paddle.

It belongs to the greatest

player I have ever known.

Thanks, Master.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Gunter, glieben,

glauchen, globen

All right

I got something to say

Yeah, it's better to burn out

Yeah, than fade away

All right

Gonna start a fire

Come on

Rise up, gather round

Rock this place to the ground

Burn it up, let's go for broke

Watch the night go up in smoke

Rock on, rock on

Drive me crazier

No serenade, no fire brigade

Just pyromania, come on

What do you want?

What do you want?

I want rock 'n' roll

Yes, I do

Long live rock 'n' roll

Oh, let's go,

let's strike a light

We're gonna blow like dynamite

(GUN FIRING)

There will be a slight change

in today's program

for the final match.

The part of Karl Wolfschtagg

will be played by...

Maggie!

Randy.

Maggie!

No, Randy, no.

You get to play her

to the death.

I thought this would be

much more interesting, huh?

You bastard.

What?

This is an outrage!

This is an outrage!

I demand retribution!

I did not come all this way...

Oh, great, blow dart, yeah?

Super.

(CROWD CLAPPING)

Master, you got to

help me out.

You got to give me

some advice, anything, please.

Sorry, gweilo, I'm out.

"Game not in paddle,

game in you,"

is usually my big finish.

I missed you.

I missed you, too.

Hey. Less talkie-talkie.

More Ping-Pong.

MAHOGANY:

Three-point game to the death.

Maggie, come on.

I'm not gonna play you, Randy.

It would be an honor for me

to give you my life.

MAHOGANY:

One-zero. Randy Daytona.

I don't know why

you couldn't just say

that you love me.

I...

MAHOGANY:

One-One.

That's not fair.

That wasn't fair.

Randy, I'm trying to sacrifice

my life for our love.

Stop being such a dick!

I'm not gonna let you lose,

Maggie.

Here we go.

This is not very honorable!

I love you, Maggie.

Boring. Kill them.

Kill them both.

We're missing

Antiques Roadshow.

No.

Oh, crap!

Get to cover! Come on!

You want to play rough?

Okay! Go! Go! Go!

Stop it! Are you insane?

These are not replicas!

Well, some of them are,

but they're

limited edition replicas.

Backup's right outside,

they just signaled.

I didn't sneak in

two of these for nothing.

This is the FBI.

Oh, my God!

What?

Wait a minute,

I forgot something, guys.

What?

Come here, baby.

Wish me luck.

Good luck.

Get to the dock!

He took my Uzi.

Get away from the door!

Sweet.

Well, that was awesome of me.

Dude, I totally knew

you'd rescue me!

Okay! All right! Okay!

All right! As a friend!

As a friend, I rescued you.

Oh, right. Yeah. Right.

Follow me!

This way. Up the stairs!

Oh, crap!

(SCREAMING)

So what? What?

What are you gonna do?

You gonna murder me

like you murdered my father?

You people sound

like a broken record.

"You killed my so-and-so

and you murdered

what's- his-face."

"I demand..."

Blah-blah-blah. Get over it.

Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!

Don't, don't, don't. Feng.

Listen, you kill me now,

we're never gonna know

who Wong's best pupil is.

WONG:
For the record,

I think we all assume

that it is Randy.

You win, Wong.

Let's settle this,

once and for all.

This rescue sucks, dude.

I know.

Huh?

Not you, you're doing great.

Guys. Guys. Guys!

You, take

the self-destruct doohickey.

Just show it to the FBI.

Explain the house

is rigged to blow.

That will buy us time.

Ready, gweilo?

(ELECTRICITY HUMMING)

Any last words?

Yeah.

ELECTRONIC VOICE :

Self-destruct sequence

activated.

(ELECTRONIC VOICE

SPEAKING JAPANESE)

ELECTRONIC VOICE :

Five minutes to detonation

and counting.

It's your point, Feng.

I know. My serve, I think.

What the hell are you doing?

It's over, Feng.

The Ping-Pong table

doesn't know that.

If we stop playing,

it will kill us both.

You mean,

you can't turn it off?

God, that's so stupid!

Randy.

Get to the boat!

Okay, let's get out of here.

I'm gonna save the panda!

The panda's dead!

All right, FBI!

You are all under arrest!

FBI!

FBI!

(SPEAKING CHINESE)

Oh, sh*t!

That's my point, Feng.

But you missed the table!

I changed the rules a little.

I should have told you.

The way I play,

you could hit it off

anything you want.

One bounce, it counts.

My bad.

Son of a b*tch!

Guys!

This guy looks really tough.

You take him.

ELECTRONIC VOICE :

Two minutes to detonation.

You should've taken my offer.

I would've given you anything.

Anything in the world!

I want my father back!

Lots of luck!

Come on, get up.

Come on, fast, fast, fast.

Heads down. Heads down.

Get your own boat, Pedro!

I call this one.

(SHRIEKING)

Guys! Guys!

Me, the money

and the Chinese broad

are taking off.

You see this pen?

This pen contains enough

cyanide to kill everyone

within 100-yard radius.

Do you think I'd come in here

without a backup plan?

I'm FBI, pendejo!

Now, here's

how it's gonna go down.

Hola. You like chorizo?

Let's get out of here.

He's gonna be really mad.

Randy!

Remember

what I told you, gweilo!

Feng only finished

one-half of his training.

Come on.

I believe it's my serve, Feng.

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