Bamboozled Page #12

HONEYCUTT (CONT'D)

Let's go N*ggers. Then clap five

times like this.

Honeycutt claps the cadence.

78.

HONEYCUTT (CONT'D)

C'mon. It's easy. It's the same

thing y'all do out at the Yankee

game, no different 'cept we changing

one word. Everybody go it?

ON AUDIENCE:

AUDIENCE:

YEAH!

CLOSER ON HONEYCUTT

HONEYCUTT:

Alright. Here we go. Let's go

N*GGERS! LET'S GO N*GGERS!

CLOSE ON AUDIENCE

AUDIENCE:

Let's go N*GGERS.

INT. MANTAN'S DRESSING ROOM

ON MIRROR:

Mantan is finishing the black.

AUDIENCE (O.S.)

Let's go n*ggers!

INT. SLEEP 'N EAT'S DRESSING ROOM

Sleep 'N Eat is finishing his Black.

AUDIENCE (O.S.)

Let's go n*ggers!

INT. STAGE - CONTINUOUS

HONEYCUTT:

Louder. They can't hear you.

CLOSE ON YOUNG BLACK WOMAN

YOUNG BLACK WOMAN

LET'S GO N*GGERS!

CLOSE ON YOUNG WHITE MALE

YOUNG WHITE MALE

LET'S GO N*GGERS!

79.

INT. MANTAN'S DRESSING ROOM

Mantan is applying his FIRETRUCK RED lipstick.

AUDIENCE (O.S.)

LET'S GO N*GGERS!

INT. SLEEP 'N EAT'S DRESSING ROOM

Sleep 'N Eat's also applying lipstick.

AUDIENCE (O.S.)

LET'S GO N*GGERS!

INT. STAGE - CONTINUOUS

Their CHANT is deafening. The audience's hyped.

HONEYCUTT:

You sound so good to me. Ladies

and gentlemen, boys and girls,

without further adieu, let's

welcome youknowwhoI'mtalkin'about,

your two favorite coons, Da Dusky

Duo, our stars Mantan and Sleep 'N

Eat.

The audience goes crazy as the curtain goes up and the house

band kicks in with the Mantan theme.

ON STAGE:

The setting is a chicken coop, live roosters and chickens

move freely about Mantan and Sleep 'N Eat. They start right

into their routine at a furious pace.

MANTAN:

Y'know my lady Lucindy?

SLEEP 'N EAT

The one with da big...

MANTAN:

Not her, the one with the little...

SLEEP 'N EAT

Oh her.

MANTAN:

Tomorrow is her birthday and I want

to get her something really nice,

like a...

80.

SLEEP 'N EAT

No, not that. How 'bout...

MANTAN:

She hates dem.

SLEEP 'N EAT

Too bad. How 'bout a dress?

MANTAN:

Sleep 'N Eat, one of dem slinky,

sexy, little foxy...

SLEEP 'N EAT

Mantan, way too short, too tight.

Get her one of dose...

MANTAN:

...to big. The in-between one, not

too tight, not too lose.

SLEEP 'N EAT

That'll work. I just bought one

for myself.

Mantan c*cks his limp wrist. The audience ROARS.

SLEEP 'N EAT (CONT'D)

Not for me, my woolly headed cotton

pickin' friend for...

MANTAN:

I thought you got rid of...

SLEEP 'N EAT

...that was Vicki, her best friend.

Dat dress will cast ya round...

MANTAN:

...dat's too much money. I can't

'ford it. I needs me a dress that

cost no mo' than...

SLEEP 'N EAT

...aconite get it dat cheap.

MANTAN:

I'll buy her a less expensive

dress, so I can have some money

left over to take her out to dinner.

SLEEP 'N EAT

We should go out on a double date.

81.

MANTAN:

I heard ya lady is wild.

SLEEP 'N EAT

No. That's her second cousin.

Who's married to Li'l Bit.

MANTAN:

Oh, because on our first date, she

let me...

SLEEP 'N EAT

...no, she didn't...

MANTAN:

...yes she did.

SLEEP 'N EAT

...I heard different, thought that

was...

MANTAN:

...not that time...

SLEEP 'N EAT

So when are you comin' to pick us up?

MANTAN:

Around...

SLEEP 'N EAT

...too early...

MANTAN:

...then what about...

SLEEP 'N EAT

...too late, maybe around...

MANTAN:

...perfect...

SLEEP 'N EAT

That's what I like about you and me.

We git along...

MANTAN:

...like macaroni and cheese...

SLEEP 'N EAT

...like grits and butter...

MANTAN:

...like fried and chicken...

82.

SLEEP 'N EAT

...like sleep and eat.

OFF-SCREEN we HEAR the VOICE of MASSA CHARLIE, he's the

overseer of this plantation.

MASSA CHARLIE (O.S.)

Who goes in there?

SLEEP 'N EAT

We'd better hide.

MANTAN:

It's dat mean, evil overseer Massa

Charlie.

They hide behind some boxes.

MASSA CHARLIE:

I say who goes in there?

BOTH:

There's nobody in here 'cept us

chickens.

Massa Charlie enters the chicken coops with a SHOTGUN

blazing. Sleep 'N Eat and Mantan do a jig as they try to

escape the buckshot.

ON AUDIENCE:

They're rolling down the aisles in hysterics.

INT. CONTROL BOOTH

Everyone in the booth is laughing uncontrollably. Except

Delacroix. Even Sloan is dying.

DELACROIX:

Who's side are you on?

SLOAN:

I'm sorry, I can't help it. It's

too funny.

Delacroix starts to crack a smile. He is definitely trying

to hold it in.

INT. DELACROIX'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

He sits in front of the television, which is off.

83.

DELACROIX (V.O.)

It was the Day of Reckoning. After

a massive advertising and publicity

campaign...

CLOSER:

Delacroix stares at the blank screen.

DELACROIX (V.O.) (CONT'D)

...the public would finally get a

chance to view Mantan. I was

feelin' a little bit like Dr.

Frankenstein.

INT. SLOAN'S STUDIO APARTMENT - NIGHT

Sloan, Jessica, Mantan and Cheeba are gathered around the

television in the small studio apartment, jabbering away.

DELACROIX (V.O.)

What would their reaction be? I

hadn't the foggiest.

SLOAN:

Everybody shut up.

ON TV SCREEN:

We see the OPENING of MANTAN - THE NEW MILLENNIUM MINSTREL

SHOW. It is in CLAYMATION. Mantan and Sleep 'N Eat are

doing a "jig." Their noses and lips are done in a grotesque

characterization, BIG WIDE BEGROIDAL NOSES and JUICY RED

SAUCER SOUP COOLING LIPS.

HONEYCUTT (V.O.)

Calling all my cousins, you're

about to take a trip down to Hang

'Em High Plantation, home of your

two favorite coons, Mantan and

Sleep 'N Eat.

ON SLOAN, JESSICA, MANTAN, AND CHEEBA

Mantan isn't happy.

MANTAN:

Why they gotta make my nose so big?

CHEEBA:

Look at my lips.

JESSICA:

I think it looks cute.

84.

ON SLOAN:

She can't believe her eyes.

HONEYCUTT (V.O.)

Mantan - The New Millennium Minstrel

Show is proudly sponsored by...

ON TV SCREEN:

DA BOMB PRODUCT SHOT AND LOGO

HONEYCUTT (V.O.) (CONT'D)

...Da Bomb. We'll take you there.

And...

CLOSER ON TV SCREEN

TIMMI HILLNIGGER PRODUCT SHOT AND LOGO

HONEYCUTT (V.O.) (CONT'D)

...Timmi Hillnigger. Keep it

really real.

ON HONEYCUTT:

HONEYCUTT (CONT'D)

We will be right back with the

start of our show, but first, a

word from our proud sponsors.

CUT TO COMMERCIAL #1

EXT. STREET CORNER - ANY GHETTO, U.S.A. - DAY

The TRACK is BOOMING. The fire hydrant is open on this

sizzling day and practically butt naked "Playaz" and "Hoes"

dance in the water. Each one is guzzling from 64 ounce

JUGULARS of DA BOMB which are in the shape of a bomb.

ON HONEYCUTT AND CROWD

He's in the spot, he's the spokesperson.

HONEYCUTT:

DA BOMB. Yo. It's 125% pure

pleasure MALT LIQUOR.

HOOCHIE #1

It's Da Bomb, Baby.

PLAYA #1

It's Da Bomb, Baby.

85.

ON CROWD:

Nothing but butts and breasts gyrating.

HONEYCUTT (V.O.)

Clinical testing has found that

Viagra doesn't work on black

"johnson's." That's why our

scientists developed Da Bomb for

you. It makes you feel like a MAN

and it makes dem b*tches feel like

Natural Women - I mean Ho's.

PLAYA #2

It makes my nature rise.

HOOCHIE #2

I want to get funked up.

HONEYCUTT:

DA BOMB - 125% pure pleasure malt

liquor.

Honeycutt takes a big swallow from his 64 oz. Jugular. Two

statuesque ladies sandwich him, grinding up on Honeycutt.

He takes the jugular from his lips. As he speaks, flames

come out of his mouth.

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