Bamboozled Page #13

HONEYCUTT (CONT'D)

Oooooo-weeee!! Da Bomb makes me

wanna get my freak on.

TWO MO' HOOCHIES

Honeycutt, let's get our swerve on@

CUT TO COMMERCIAL #2

EXT. STREET CORNER - ANY GHETTO, U.S.A. - DAY

A middled-aged Caucasian male, TIMMI HILLNIGGER, is

surrounded by a mob deep of hard-looking PLAYAZ.

TIMMY HILLNIGGER

Yo, my name be Timmi Hillnigger. I

was born and raised up in Strong

Island so you know I know about my

peeps, my niggaz in the git-toe. I

design and own TIMMI HILLNIGGER

125% Authentic Git-Toe active wear.

DAWG #1 steps forward.

DAWG #1

Hillnigger keeps it real.

86.

DAWG #2 steps forward also.

DAWG #2

Timmi's gots all da latest gear.

TIMMY HILLNIGGER

If you want to keep it really real,

never get out of the git-toe, stay

broke and continue to add to my

multibillion dollar corporation,

keep buyin' all my gear. The Timmi

Hillnigger collection. We keep it

so real we give you the bullet holes.

Hoe #1 laying in a white thong on top of a white Rolls-Royce.

HOE #1

All my niggaz wear Hillnigger or

they don't wear a damn thing at all.

It's Git-toe Fabulous.

EXT. THE WHITE HOUSE - NIGHT

The lights are on in the White House.

DELACROIX (V.O.)

I was sunk, dead. My goose was

cooked. The cat was in the bag and

the bag was in the river.

INT. THE WHITE HOUSE

President Clinton is seen behind a TV set laughing his head

off.

INT. THE WHITE HOUSE - PRESS CONFERENCE - DAY

The President of the U.S. stands behind a podium and takes

questions from the press.

REPORTER:

Did you watch MANTAN - THE NEW

MILLENNIUM MINSTREL SHOW last night?

PRESIDENT CLINTON

Yes I did and I can honestly say I

feel it promotes racial healing.

INT. DUNWITTY'S OFFICE - MORNING

Dunwitty, Delacroix and Sloan are joined by a young Caucasian

woman, MYRNA GOLDFARB.

87.

DUNWITTY:

I know all of you have seen the

overnight ratings. Through the

roof. But in this game you gotta

be one, two, three steps ahead. I

introduce you to Myrna Goldfarb.

She's the best media consultant in

the biz.

MYRNA:

First, I would like to say I love

the show. It's very courageous.

My parents marched in Selma,

Alabama with Dr. King.

DELACROIX:

Why are you here?

MYRNA:

Good question, straight to the

point. I like your style. Because

of the content of the show we can

expect some spirited reactions.

DUNWITTY:

Myrna is here to help us plan our

strategy.

MYRNA:

The best defense is offense.

DELACROIX:

I thought it was the other way

around.

MYRNA:

You get my point. I've mapped out

some strategies to help bolster our

position.

SLOAN:

Which is?

MYRNA:

That this is fun. Nice wholesome

fun.

DUNWITTY:

Goldfarb, run it down for them.

88.

MYRNA:

The Mantan Manifesto. Catchy ain't

it? Number One. We gainfully

employ African Americans, in front

of and behind the cameras. Two.

Let the audience decide. Three.

Who put these critics in charge?

These so-called cultural police?

Four. Who determines what is black?

Five. Mantan is a satire. Six.

If they can't take a joke, "F" 'em.

DUNWITTY:

We all stick to this, it's smooth

sailing.

SLOAN:

It sounds kinda simplistic to me.

MYRNA:

I've done my research.

DELACROIX:

These are black folks we're talkin'

about, not some lab mice in a cage.

MYRNA:

Monsieur Delacroix, I got my PhD in

African-American studies from Yale,

so I do feel I'm qualified.

DUNWITTY:

Let Myrna finish.

MYRNA:

Thank you. And always smile.

DELACROIX:

Yeah, show dem pearly whites.

She ignores him.

MYRNA:

Wear Kente cloth, invoke the name

of Dr. Martin Luther King, use the

word "community" often when talking

about Mantan. And finally our

biggest plus is you, Pierre

Delacroix.

DELACROIX:

Me?

89.

DUNWITTY:

Yes you!

MYRNA:

This show was created, conceived by

you, a non-threatening African-

American male. Voila. End of

argument. It can't be racist

because you're black.

DELACROIX:

I'm not black. I'm a NEGRO!!!

INT. CNS HALLWAY - POST MEETING

Sloan and Delacroix are walking in the hallway. They keep

getting interrupted by people who congratulate Delacroix on

the success of the show.

SLOAN:

So you have your small victory, now

what?

DELACROIX:

A small victory isn't that small

when you've been use to losing.

INT. DELACROIX'S OFFICE - MORNING

Sloan hands Delacroix a wrapped gift.

DELACROIX:

What is this?

SLOAN:

A gift.

DELACROIX:

For what?

SLOAN:

No matter what you think, you did

come up with something unique.

Open it.

Delacroix opens his gift. It is one of those old cast iron

Black Collectibles. This one is called "THE JOLLY N*GGER

BANK," a head of a Negro, big lips, big nose, wide eyes.

SLOAN (CONT'D)

Put a coin in the hand.

He puts a quarter in the hand.

90.

SLOAN (CONT'D)

Watch this.

She pushes the lever and the mouth opens, the quarter flies

in and his eyes go to the top of his head.

SLOAN (CONT'D)

Read it on the back.

Delacroix reads.

DELACROIX:

The Jolly N*gger Bank.

SLOAN:

This is authentic, not a repro,

circa turn of the century.

DELACROIX:

Thanks.

SLOAN:

I thought it was appropiate.

DELACROIX:

Is that good or bad?

SLOAN:

It's all good. You got a hit show,

you're gonna need a bank. Plus, I

love these old black collectibles.

DELACROIX:

How so?

SLOAN:

To me, it shows part of our history

in this country, a time when we

were considered inferior, sub-human.

CLOSE ON JOLLY N*GGER BANK

Delacroix puts another quarter in the hand and flips the

lever. The quarter flies into his mouth as his eyes roll to

the top of his head.

INT. WLIB - DAY

Delacroix is a guest on the GARY BYRD show. WLIB is the

number one black talk radio station in the nation.

91.

GARY BYRD:

Our guest today is Pierre Delacroix.

He is the creator of the highly

controversial TV show MANTAN.

Let's get right into it. You have

been called by some in the community

a traitor, a sellout, an Uncle Tom.

Why does your show generate such

feelings?

DELACROIX:

Because race has always been a

sensitive issue in this country.

Gary, I have no problem with people

disagreeing with the show, it's

when folks start trying to mess

with my inherent right as an

artist, that's when I get mad. No

one, in any way, shape or form

should be censored.

GARY BYRD:

No matter how sexist or racist the

material may be?

DELACROIX:

Yes. And I say yes because who is

to judge? Who is to stand before

us and say this is righteous and

this is not? Who? Who can play God?

GARY BYRD:

But the line has to be drawn.

DELACROIX:

Don't you people get it? We're in

the 21st Century. Slavery was over

four hundred years ago. All that

stuff people talked in the old

days, it's over. Folks always

crying, white man this, white man

that. Let's all grow up.

GARY BYRD:

Are you trying to excuse our

Holocaust?

DELACROIX:

Can I finish? Thank you. I had a

great Aunt, we called her Sister.

She went to her grave not believing

man had walked on the Moon.

(MORE)

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