Bamboozled Page #8

DAVID:

"Good Times" was better. Kid Dy-no

mite!!!

49.

AARON:

You pole are going to far back for

me. I think we have to go after a

hipper feel. Like the stuff Eddie

Murphy used to do on "Saturday

Night Live."

PETER:

Or Martin. You go girl.

JEFF:

What about the black exploitation

films? No one has ever tried

making that work on TV.

DAVID:

And for reason. Have you ever seen

"Scream Blacula, Scream?"

MONA:

I think, and Delacroix will agree

with me, the politics of this show

have to be right. We should always

be laughing with our characters,

not at them.

CLOSE ON:

Delacroix, as the writers continue to ramble on, he lets

them jerk off.

DELACROIX (V.O.)

The mission was accomplished. All

of these people left the room

thinking they would have real input.

I was writing this pilot alone,

myself, me.

EXT. STREET - DAY

A long line reaches down the block and around the corner.

It's a "cattle call," open auditions for "Mantan."

DELACROIX (V.O.)

Now came the fun part, finding the

talented performers to cast in the

show.

WE DOLLY past the hundreds and hundreds of unemployed

African American actors, many of them dressed in various

costumes.

50.

DELACROIX (V.O.) (CONT'D)

Everybody and their mother was

trying to get in, trying to be seen.

Trying to get their piece of the

rock.

INT. REHEARSAL SPACE - DAY

Delacroix sits in the first row with Sloan, RUTH, an African

American casting director. LEVI, the musical director, also

black, is on the stage at the piano.

AUDITION MONTAGE

WE SEE singers, magicians, dancers, acrobats, comedians,

rappers. Some good, most are terrible. Many come out on

stage dressed like mammies, Stepin' Fetchit, slaves, pimps,

ho's, hustlers, and basketball players. It is a cavalcade

of all the stereotypical roles one has seen.

ANGLE ON:

Space. LULU, a spoken word artist, goes her rendition of

"WAY DOWN ON THE SWANEE RIVER."

DELACROIX (V.O.)

This was amazing. Who had told

these Negroes that this was what we

were looking for? The same old

image, it damn for sure wasn't me.

CLOSE ON:

Lulu.

DELACROIX (V.O.) (CONT'D)

Were people this desperate to get

work?

CLOSE ON:

Delacroix. He interrupts Lulu.

DELACROIX (CONT'D)

Thanks, Ms. Lulu.

LULU:

But I had several more poems.

DELACROIX:

That's good. We've seen enough.

We'll get back to you.

Lulu scurries off stage.

51.

RUTH (O.S.)

Next.

The Mau-Mau's run onto the stage, yelling and screaming.

They are all fired up, in fact several fire their 9mm's into

the ceiling.

ANGLE - TWO SHOT

Delacroix and Sloan.

SLOAN:

This is the group I was telling you

about.

DELACROIX:

Which one is your brother?

SLOAN:

The big one.

CLOSE ON:

Ruth.

RUTH:

Let's get started here.

ANGLE ON:

STAGE:

Big Black preens around on the stage.

BIG BLACK:

The Mau-Mau's are up in dis place.

That's right, the Mau-Mau's.

DELACROIX (O.S.)

What's your name?

BIG BLACK:

My righteous name is BIG BLACK.

DELACROIX (O.S.)

And what are the Mau-Mau's going to

do for us today?

BIG BLACK:

We gonna drop some knowledge,

wisdom and understanding. The Mau-

Mau's, we be scientists. We drop

science.

52.

CLOSE ON:

Sloan, who's trying to disappear. If she sits any lower

she'll be under her seat.

ON DELACROIX:

DELACROIX:

We're ready when you are.

ON STAGE:

BIG BLACK:

Microphone check. One. Two. One.

Two. One. Two. Hold up. I gots

to give my peeps some props.

Brothers introduce yourself.

DOUBLE BLACK:

Yo, I'm Double Black.

BLACK BLACK:

Check it, Black Black.

SMOOTH BLACK:

I'm Smooth Black, the lover in dis'

piece.

HARD BLACK:

Hard Black.

MO BLACK:

He's Jo Black.

JO BLACK:

And he's Mo Black.

1/16TH BLACK

I'm last but not least, you can

call me 1/16th Black.

ON DELACROIX:

DELACROIX:

Good. We're really blacked-oops,

backed up, so shall we begin?

ON STAGE:

BIG BLACK:

Microphone check. One. Two. One.

Two. Yo, the name of this joint is

BLAK IZ BLAK. Hit it.

53.

The booming track starts and the Mau-Mau's do their thing,

bouncing all over the stage. The lyrics about everything

that is BLAK!!!

ON DELACROIX:

A look of disbelief is on his face.

DELACROIX (V.O.)

Needless to say, the Mau-Mau's did

not fit into our plans.

ON SLOAN:

She's in shock, horrified.

DELACROIX (V.O.) (CONT'D)

As I told Sloan, there's a black

sheep in every family.

BACKSTAGE - LATER THAT DAY

Delacroix is screaming at the top of his lungs.

DELACROIX (CONT'D)

Finland. This is a travesty. A

debacle. A mockery.

INT. LOBBY

Dunwitty approaches Delacroix in the lobby of the rehearsal

space. He is with JUKKA, a young, very young blonde kid.

DUNWITTY:

Delacroix. This is the director I

was telling you about. Jukka Laks.

JUKKA:

So nice to meet you.

DELACROIX:

Nice to meet you. If you don't

mind me asking you - how old are you?

JUKKA:

I just turned twenty.

DUNWITTY:

I'm gonna leave you two creative

geniuses alone.

DELACROIX:

Dunwitty, don't leave.

54.

Dunwitty is out.

DELACROIX (CONT'D)

Where are you from?

JUKKA:

Helsinki, which is the capital of

Finland.

DELACROIX:

Finland.

JUKKA:

You know, Finlandia vodka? Yes?

DELACROIX:

Yes, I know. Jukka, have you ever

seen a Negro person before? Even

had a real conversation with a real

Negro before?

JUKKA:

What's a Negro.

INT. BACKSTAGE

Delacroix continues to rant and rave. Sloan is unsuccessful

in attempting to make him be quiet.

DELACROIX:

A fiasco. A disaster. A boondoggle.

An abomination.

INT. LOBBY

DELACROIX:

Did you just ask me what's a Negro?

I'M A NEGRO!!!

JUKKA:

Ahhh!!! I never heard of that term

before. I thought you were BLACK

of African-American. No?

DELACROIX:

Well before there was BLACK or

AFRICAN AMERICAN, there were

NEGROES. I'M A NEGRO.

JUKKA:

Thank you for correcting my

ignorance. I'm looking forward to

working side by side with you. I

feel we make a good team.

55.

DELACROIX:

How did you get this gig?

JUKKA:

My visual style is very erotic,

sexy, how do you say - hot?

DELACROIX:

This is a TV show, not a music video.

JUKKA:

Then will you teach me what I need

to know. Maybe we learn from each

other, if that's possible, no?

INT. BACKSTAGE - MOMENTS LATER

DELACROIX:

This is a travesty. A debacle.

SLOAN:

You've said that already.

DELACROIX:

I'm gonna slit my wrists. Cut my

throat. For the love of Joseph.

INT. DELACROIX'S OFFICE - NEW DAY

He's sitting behind his desk, reading new "pink" revisions

of the "MANTAN" pilot. He screams.

DELACROIX:

For the love of Joseph and Mary.

Delacroix bolts out from his office.

INT. DUNWITTY'S OFFICE - DAY

Delacroix charges in as Dunwitty and Jukka go over the same

"pink" revisions.

DELACROIX:

I will not be held responsible for

these revisions. These changes are

not the way I want to go. This is

an outrage. This is a sham. A

violation!

DUNWITTY:

Calm down, please.

JUKKA:

In Finland, when we get upset...

56.

DELACROIX:

I don't give a good goddamn about

Finland, Norway, Sweden or wherever

ya blond ass came from.

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