Bananas Page #6

Enough to have his phone tapped.

Hello?

Hello? Who is this?

Who is this?

Hello? Who is this? Can you hold on

one second? Walter, it's foryou.

All right, l did it! l did it! l'm guilty!

But l couldn't take it any more.

She kept tormenting me.

Egging me on.

Making a fool of me!

lsn't this Epstein vs Epstein?

l'm sorry, l...

Sorry.

Sorry to disappoint you,

but l've known Fielding for years

and he's a warm,

wonderful human being.

Would the clerk

read that statement back, please?

''l've known Fielding for years

and he is a conniving, dishonest little rat.''

Ok, l just wanted to make sure

you were getting it.

You're out of order.

- Name?

- Sharon Craig.

- And you are?

- Miss America.

O mio babbino caro

Mi piace ?bello, bello

Vo'andare in Porta Rossa

A comperarl'anello

Si, si, ci voglio andare

E se l'amassi indarno

Tell the court why you think

he is a traitor to this country.

l think Mr Mellish is a traitor

to this country because his views

are different from the views of

the president and others of his kind.

Differences of opinion

should be tolerated,

but not when they're too different.

Then he becomes a subversive mother.

Call Fielding Mellish.

Mr Mellish... what is your nationality?

Well, you might say

l have two nationalities.

Are you being coy?

Well, l am an American citizen

and also the President of San Marcos.

l would not joke with this court

if l were you.

- Wouldn't you or couldn't you?

- That's enough.

Does the codename Sapphire

mean anything to you?

lt doesn't. l swear to God.

You swear to God and yet you have no

compunction about teaching evolution.

Where were you

on the night of June 23rd?

lf you cannot resist disrupting the court,

l order the marshal to bind and gag you.

So you followed Fielding Mellish

and overheard him make treasonous

remarks about this country?

- l did.

- Your witness.

Yes, l did.

No. l don't remember.

No.

Don't put words in my mouth!

Yes.

Yes, it's true. l lied!

Ladies and gentlemen,

you will retire for your verdict.

Good evening. l'm Roger Grimsby

with the news at six.

A verdict has been reached

in the Mellish case.

l'll have details in one moment.

- Stick in your throat, son?

- These cigarettes, Father.

- What brand are you smoking?

- These.

Well, those are for sinners.

- Try these New Testament cigarettes.

- New Testament?

- They've got the incense filter.

- l'll try one.

What do you think?

Good flavour. Smooth, too.

Stick to New Testament cigarettes

and all is forgiven.

Thank you, Father.

New Testament cigarettes.

l smoke 'em.

He smokes 'em.

Fielding Mellish was found guilty

today on 12 counts of treason

and was sentenced to 15 years in prison.

The judge suspended it

in return for their promise

that Mellish will not

move into his neighbourhood.

Now this is all over,

is there any possibility

that maybe we could get married?

- l'd love to.

- Would you?

l mean, being in women's lib,

you'll need somebody to support you.

- Fielding, do you love me?

- Of course l love you.

No, but do you love me?

You know what l mean?

Yes, l love you. l love you.

Can you, like, define the meaning of love?

What do you mean? lt's love. l love you.

l want you in a way of cherishing

your totality and your otherness

and in the sense of a presence and

a being and a whole coming and going

in a room with grapefruit

and a love of a thing, of nature

and a sense of not wanting or being

jealous of the thing a person possesses.

Do you have any gum?

Good evening. Wide World ofSports

is here in the Royal Manhattan Hotel

for a live, on-the-spot telecast

of the Fielding Mellish honeymoon.

Mellish and his new bride were married

in a civil ceremony

in downtown Manhattan.

The bride wore the traditional

virginal white, as did Mellish.

They had dinner and are both now ready

for the consummation of their marriage.

The turnout has been gigantic,

and here for a play-by-play

description is Howard Cosell.

Take it away, Howard.

You join us with the action

just about to start.

Yes, indeed. Here comes the bride

and she's got a lot of fans here.

They are tense, but they swell

to a tremendous cheer.

And, as l think is apparent,

she is in very good physical condition.

And here comes Mellish.

Listen to that crowd roar.

He is wearing a green corduroy suit,

jogging and bobbing down the aisle,

buttressed by his trainer and his handlers.

The action has started.

They approach one another cautiously.

Nothing unique about that.

Now... Mellish begins to make

his moves and so does Nancy.

The two are working together closely,

the action growing more rigorous.

lt is swift, rhythmic, coordinated.

What's that?

A cut over Mellish's right eye.

The doctor comes in to examine the cut.

No, it will not be stopped. lt continues.

l tell you, ladies and gentlemen,

l've never seen action like this.

That's it. lt's over.

lt's all over.

The marriage has been consummated.

Nancy and Fielding Mellish, in the most

real sense, are now man and wife.

lf it's humanly possible, l'll break through

these fans to talk to the two.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Nancy, l know that this is very personal,

but was it everything you expected?

Well, Howard, it all went by so fast.

l had no idea that it'd be so quick.

l was expecting a longer bout.

No difficulties of any kind?

Well, as you know, l'm extraordinarily

ticklish so l had a rough time there.

l couldn't stop laughing.

l thought it'd really get in my way.

But l really trained well for this

and l think it held me

so there really wasn't any time

that l didn't feel in control.

How about you, Fielding?

l was concerned about that cut.

l thought they might stop the action.

Did you feel that?

Yes. l thought that l'd have

to finish it up quick.

l thought the referee

might come in and stop it.

l knew l was leading at that point

and l was just hoping that they'd

let me go all the way and l did.

- No disappointments at all?

- l had heard he'd be in great shape.

And l felt that he... he wasn't,

that he could use a little seasoning.

The timing was a little off,

but l think he'll be fine.

He's not the worst l've had.

Not the best, but not the worst.

Are you offended

by what Nancy just said, Fielding?

l'm not offended, but l don't agree.

l was in great shape.

l thought l had her in real trouble

with the right hand. l was in good form.

My breathing was good.

l've been training very hard for this.

l just gave a hundred per cent.

When do you anticipate your next bout?

l think we could probably

do this again in the late spring.

- Are you...

- ln the late spring?

Well, l think l'll be ready

by the late spring...

As long as the late spring?

l think we should leave

the happy couple on that note.

lt's hard to tell

what may happen in the future.

They may live happily ever after.

Again, they may not.

Be assured of this, though.

Wherever the action is, we will be there

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