Band Aid Page #7

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But it's great.

- It's just my cozies.

- Like...

- That's so interesting.

- They're like pajamas?

- Yeah.

- That's very interesting.

- Very interesting.

- Thanks.

Well, I'm ready to gig if you guys are.

- So are we.

- Let's do it.

- Okay.

Oh.

What is the order?

- It's just, I think

it's just a celebration.

- Okay, cool.

- All right.

One more thing.

- Yeah.

- If we're gonna be a real

band, we need a band name.

- A little of this.

- Hi, we're The Dirty Dishes.

One, two, three, four.

Please do not ask me

if you've gained weight

Especially when we're

goin' out on a date

I have no idea if you've

gained a pound of two

And even if I did I would not tell you

I:

- That's okay.

I hate my body

That's obvious 'cause I'm a woman

I'm also always hungry

Did I mention that I'm a woman

Eating is my only

source of true happiness

Pardon me if I wanna kill myself

When I don't fit in my dress

You want me to lie, lie, lie

You want me to lie, lie, lie

I want to eat pie, pie, pie

But just look at my

thighs, thighs, thighs

Love

Is love

Is love

Is love

Is lying

Oh love and lies

- Thank you.

Do you like my jacket?

- I love it.

- I got it at Party City.

- No, you didn't.

- Yes, I did.

- They don't have clothing.

- Hey.

So listen, I talked to

Crystal Vichycoisse.

- Yeah.

- And she had a pretty rough night.

- Oh.

- She acted out.

She ended up having compulsive

sex with this 37-year-old.

- Oh no.

Is his age the problem or is it,

no, it's the...

- It's this compulsion.

She can't help it.

- Right.

- She can't help it.

- Right, she relapsed.

- I mean, I don't even

know what they see in her.

You know, I mean, she's just

so unappealing, you know,

in the face, and the body, and everything.

It must be her sense of humor.

Anyway, this guy works for a record label.

- Mm-hmm.

- Uh-huh.

- And she brought him

to the show last night.

- Shut up.

- That's awesome.

- Are you being for real?

- Yeah, and he really liked it.

- Wow.

- Yeah, he was really into it.

- Dave, that's

insane.

- That's awesome.

- You look f***in' hot.

- What?

- Yeah.

- Whoa.

- Like, if I didn't know you,

I'd wanna get to know you.

- Who are you?

Like, how are we gonna

keep writing fight songs

if we never fight about anything anymore?

- Well, we could write love songs.

- Yeah, no.

Let's skip that part.

- It just seems weird.

Yeah.

As soon as I said it...

- Yeah.

- I was like, that is a bad idea.

- Yeah, can we just, I

feel like we gotta get,

just for our creative process, just,

can you be a little bit more

of a dick to me this morning?

- Okay, you want me to leave the room

and come back as a d*ckhead?

- Yeah.

- Yep, okay.

- Okay, you ready'?

You're gonna go

on your own action.

- Comin' in hot.

' Okay.

- Have you seen my sneakers?

- What do you think?

- About what, my sneakers?

I can't find 'em.

- Do you like my outfit?

- Is this the only option?

- Wow.

That's like Brando or somethin'.

- Was that good?

- That's f***in' insane

that you can go...

- We're in a fight now,

right?

- Yeah, oh yeah.

We're certainly in a fight.

- Right?

- Yeah, yeah.

I love you.

- I love you, too.

- Oh my god, how long has it been

since we've had a date night?

- I don't know, never?

- Also, I can't believe

that this label dude

is interested in us.

- Hold on, being interested in something

is different than being, you know,

committed to something.

- I know, it was just,

that's so exciting,

like things are finally happening for us.

- TO US.

- Hey, maybe let's

celebrate a different way.

I don't know,

I just feel like being

present for this right now.

- Yeah, no, I wanna be present, too.

I don't, we don't need...

- Yeah.

- To smoke to celebrate.

- Okay.

How's your day going?

- You know when you meet

people, and you're like, oh.

- I have never

seen you two like this.

- I know.

It's so awesome.

- I'm so happy for you.

- Thank you.

- It's amazing.

- Okay, I think that's everything.

- Oh, babe, could you just

grab the spoons for dessert?

- What?

- The dessert spoons, honey.

- Right, yeah.

- For dessert, yeah.

There you go.

- Okay, right, okay.

- All right, thank you.

All right.

Love you.

- So, what happens when

they go away like that?

- I'm not sure.

- Where do they go?

- I don't know,

but sometimes I wish he

would just stay there longer.

You know, it gives me a break, too.

Can you...

- I feel bad.

Tell me what else to do.

- No, no, no.

Just go sit down.

- Are you sure?

- Yes, please.

- Okay.

- Please, go sit down.

- Yes.

Take those off.

Come inside me.

- What?

- Don't pull out this time.

I'm ready.

I'm ready to try again.

- That's like a bigger,

that's like a bigger...

That's like, um.

- What?

What's wrong?

- Nothing, it's just, that's like a,

you know, a bigger conversation.

- Okay.

I mean, I just thought,

what are we...

- Yeah, I know, it's just...

- What are we waiting for at this point?

- You're the one that didn't wanna.

- I know, but that's what I'm saying.

I'm saying that now I feel ready, finally.

And, you know, I feel happy

for the first time in so long.

You feel happy.

Look what's happening for us.

Like, we could get a record deal.

You know?

It's awesome.

What?

- We're not

getting a record deal.

- You don't know that.

- Oh sh*t.

- What?

- What do you mean, what?

I knew it.

I knew exactly how this was gonna go.

Because I know the way

that you looked at everything.

- Jesus, Ben.

What is wrong with the way

that I looked at everything?

- Like it's some f***in' life raft.

- Well, what we're doing

is finally making us happy.

- I've been happy.

- Oh please, Ben.

- You've been in some dark depression.

- You've always been happy?

Give me a f***ing break.

You were so checked out for so long.

You are like, you lie.

F***ing, is that happy?

- You think you're like

a piece of f***in' cake?

- I don't wanna do this.

- Do you know what it's been like since,

I mean, since we lost the

baby, you've been a mess.

And I just keep putting up

with it because, I don't know,

I hope one day the old you will come back.

- The old me, Ben?

The old me was young and naive.

- The old you was happy.

- I am happy.

- You're weeping.

- I'm f***ing heartbroken.

Am I not allowed to have feelings?

- It's just, it's too, it's crazy.

- What is crazy?

F***.

Don't f***ing walk away from me

in the middle of a f***ing talk.

What is so crazy?

- How do you decide which

feeling you're gonna go with

when they're so close together,

all these feelings...

- So f***ing

passive-aggressive.

- That it must be

really difficult...

- You know what, Ben.

- To decide, no, this is...

- Maybe...

- What I'm feeling right now.

- I'm having feelings

for the both of us, since

you don't seem to have any!

Like, where are you?

You haven't cried once

since our miscarriage.

You haven't f***ing felt anything with me.

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