Bandolera Page #2

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All I got to do is drive?

You don't have to decide now.

Think about it.

If you're up to it...

...meet us here tomorrow at 10 A. M.

You need cars customized or fixed?

You gonna need a driver?

Your father?

- She knows what she's doing.

- He's good.

But don't tell her I said that.

But don't tell him I said that.

If you convince my dad, I'll do it.

I trust his judgment.

But don't tell him I said that.

Done.

Closed.

The union strike will

make or break this heist.

For that we need a real con man,

not an immigrant.

I got the perfect guy.

His name is Miguelito.

He's a Cuban refugee.

A Cuban refugee?

Why do we need a Cuban refugee?

He's not just a refugee.

He's an actor.

He was doing counter-revolutionary

plays in Cuba.

American baseball players are the best.

Cuban baseball players are the best!

That's why they all end up in America.

Mommy!

And for all our heavy lifting,

we have Anbal.

The other 50%, who gets it?

- Can't say.

- It's my job.

I'm planning it. Financing it.

So I get a bigger cut.

It's customary.

Not really. I just deserved it

for all the years I've put in.

If you're interested,

we'll see ya tomorrow.

Okay. Before we start,

my partner Emilio and I want

to thank you all for coming.

Oh, sorry.

Before I forget...

I wanted to give you my headshot

and rsum. Maybe you can...

I'll take that.

All of you know me

and have an idea of what I do.

I've sold you pirated movies,

fake I.D. S, Social Security cards.

But really, I go for big jobs.

Jobs that make very good money.

And when I say very good money...

I mean...

That's a lot of zeros.

...very good money.

F***in' balls!

Balls.

Is that how a proper young lady speaks?

I don't know.

I ain't no proper lady.

What are you lookin' at?

Pansy-ass poser.

Nobody's looking at you.

Oh, so you're not checking me out?

- Is that what you're saying?

- Get over yourself.

Nobody here is checking you out.

Enough! Enough!

This is a serious job.

It requires serious planning,

serious conning.

Seriously big balls!

Big balls. Like these right here, Alex?

Okay.

Our mark is an Argentinean millionaire

who lives in this mansion.

Since the collapse of Argentina's banking

system, most don't believe in banks.

Some have resorted to keeping their

money in personal vaults.

Such is the case with our mark.

All his money is in a vault

on this property.

We have a floor plan of the mansion.

Except for one hallway downstairs

leading to the vault.

It's off-limits to everyone.

You need two key cards to open the vault.

Primitivo has one.

The other belongs to our pal, the mark.

The in-house accountant.

The accountant's name is Primitivo?

Primitivo? Primate? Like monkey?

The poor bastard

is more like a caveman.

He's flanked by two guards

the entire time he's there...

from the moment he steps

on the property until he leaves.

Wherever he goes, they go.

If he has to go to the bathroom,

they're there.

If one of the guards has to go...

Anyway.

Primitivo keeps his card

on him at all times.

But our mark isn't as cautious.

At the end of each day,

he places the card in a locked

drawer in his private office.

So to open the vault

at the mansion,

we have to get into that building

and get that card.

Which means...

we need to get his keys, too.

Where are they? In his pocket.

The problem will be getting

into the building itself.

As you can see, it's high-tech.

State of the art.

Cameras, guards, 24-hour surveillance.

Eight months ago, the cleaning crew

tried to unionize, but they failed.

We think it's time they try again.

They strike. We pose as scabs

and enter the building.

- Excuse me...

Let me get this straight.

Your plan depends on organizing a

strike in two weeks? Here?

Correct.

- That's impossible. Rafaela, let's go.

- Of course it's not.

Of course it is.

I'm out.

This record's already scratched.

Moctesuma Valdez.

The millionaire Alejandro is talking

about is Moctesuma Valdez.

The infomercial guru?

I didn't know he was Argentinean.

His real name is Claudio Silvestrini.

He changed it to Moctesuma

so he could pander to Latinos.

Especially Mexicans.

He's a phony, an opportunist,

and his products are all frauds.

Everything about him is a lie,

even his name.

He's amassed a fortune preying

on the hopes and dreams of people like us.

Regular people.

Immigrants. Like you. Like me.

He knows what he's doing.

He targets his customers

at the perfect time. You know when?

When they're most desperate.

How many people, relatives,

friends do we know

that have gone broke ordering these

so-called miracle cures?

Too many, right?

And then there's...

Water of God.

And rejuvenate the body's

natural immune system,

helping to prevent

coughs, fever, and diabetes.

The most despicable,

the most vile thing he sells.

Doctor, I have an important question.

Cancer? What about cancer?

And the most personal one.

In many cases,

cancer has been eradicated.

That means for a lot of our viewers

who don't have insurance

to pay for these expensive treatments

that are needed to cure cancer

have a much cheaper alternative

with Water of God, right?

Exactly. And as a doctor,

I recommend Water of God.

There you have it.

Buy Water of God right now.

Live longer.

Rejuvenate your immune system.

On principle,

we never steal from our own.

But this lowlife deserves it.

He's not a good man.

I know this is risky.

But life is full of risks.

None of you would even be in the U.S.

If you hadn't taken a risk.

So...

are you in?

Good.

In two weeks, Valdez will be

throwing himself a party

for being named Hispanic

Businessman of the Year.

It's a big deal for him.

Even the Mayor of Los Angeles

will be there,

which means the party

is the perfect opportunity

to create a diversion

and gain access to the mansion.

"TECHNOLOG Y FOR THE NEXT DAY"

Julio.

We're getting started.

If everything goes right,

we should be out by dusk.

Wait a minute.

We're going to rob him

in broad daylight?

Yes.

Rafaela.

You think you can build a secret

compartment like this

in the trunk of a limousine?

Frickin' A.

Do real women arm wrestle?

I'll take that as a... yes.

Remember, the deeper you make it,

the more money we can get out in it.

Cool.

What color do you want the dress?

Dress?

No one said anything about a dress!

It's not just a dress.

It's a formal gown...

black.

Why do I have to wear a dress?

Because none of us

would look good in one.

You might look acceptable if you did.

You want me to kick your ass?

Brother, I know this would be a problem.

It's just for one day.

You can kick his ass later.

Please stay out of it.

I'm here to work on cars,

not go to the frickin' Latin Grammys.

You know people

at the Latin Grammys?

I'll take that. Sit down.

This here?

What'd he say?

That a secret compartment in the trunk

of a limousine is too obvious.

Thanks for the tip.

How long a tunnel can you dig

and reinforce in two weeks?

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