Bandolera Page #3

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How many people are going

through it at one time?

- One.

- One?

With 2 X 4 reinforcements

every 6 feet...

If I start today, according

to my calculations,

It's 65. You'll have to dig fast.

enough to hold up the tunnel?

With all due respect,

I do this for a living. They'll hold.

Besides, it's not like you're

driving a truck over it.

Now, excuse my naivet,

but how are you planning

on getting me in there?

Oh... that's not a problem.

For two months, Alejandro's

been working on the nanny.

Working on the nanny?

No. She can't answer.

She's a little busy.

It's a good thing she can't hear you.

Son, stop. You're going

to wrinkle my shirt!

Yes, Mrs. Valdez?

This little animal is out of control.

Please.

Come help. I know it's your day off,

but I don't know what to do.

Is he running around in circles, yelling?

Yes, he's running, yelling. Please.

Claudito, freeze!

Claudito, say you're sorry.

Sorry, Mom.

Sorry, Dad.

- Thank you.

- Look at this.

You're welcome.

What were you doing?

It's hot. I checked your air conditioner.

It's broken.

I bet you know someone

who can fix it.

Yep.

It's hot as hell.

You seem nervous.

I said you seem nervous.

I'm not nervous.

Why would I be?

Let me tell you something.

Guards are like dogs.

If they smell fear,

they'll pounce on you.

Don't worry about that.

I'm ready to go.

I always get like this before a show.

Mild stage jitters.

But when the curtain goes up,

I'm the man!

I have over ten years' experience

as a professional actor.

If I screw this up,

I'll accept the consequences.

Ready?

Ready for anything.

Hope so.

Here you go.

- Thank you.

- For what?

For preparing my meals.

Like a good woman should.

What?

I didn't make the food for you, blondie.

I'm just doing my job!

I need a favor.

I need you to go with them.

What for?

Every good con needs a distraction.

How is it I'm the distraction?

It's just that all women...

are a distraction.

Turn the motor off, chief.

Turn the motor off.

It gives me a headache.

You here to fix the air conditioning?

Did you hear me?

Are you here to fix the air conditioning?

What's wrong with him?

The air conditioning...

is broken.

It's broken?

Ironic, isn't it?

What's that?

The air conditioner is broken...

and you guys fix air conditioners.

Get it?

What a sense of humor.

Open up the back for me.

Huh?

I have to check the van,

or you can't go in. Got it?

Ah, yes. Of course.

How nice of you. Thank you.

What a surprise.

Good afternoon, Miss.

I'll get down so you can check it out.

Yes, yes. Of course.

I need to check it all out.

All right, boys.

All good. Go ahead.

You're not gonna check out the van?

I checked out all I need to, babe.

You checked out my tits

and my ass, ya pig!

Daughter!

Your daughter? Charming girl.

Go ahead.

It's the nanny's quarters,

the AC unit, which is broken.

- Go on through.

- Thanks.

I can't believe

he didn't check the van.

We could be al Qaeda

for all he knows.

I'm only here to drive,

not act. Or talk. Just drive.

I just forgot to do

my relaxation exercises.

Your what?

My relaxation exercises.

Would you stop that

and give us a hand?

You done?

Ready.

Do you like the glasses?

I thought it'd be a nice touch.

Helps me get in character.

- Marlon Brando used to say...

- Please...

Try to avoid security at all costs.

Excuse me, sir. My name

is Andrs Jess de la Amistad.

- I'm a representative...

- Excuse me, sir. Sir!

I'm a representative from Local 23.

I wanted to talk to you about...

Sir! Excuse me!

I no came to talk to you,

Mr. Security Guard!

I came to talk to this gentleman

about unionizing.

As I was saying,

I wanted to talk about unionizing...

- Hey, want to be a tough guy.

- Son of...

I'm watching you!

I am watching you!

Your mama!

These people!

The United States aren't

as pro-union as I thought!

- Stop!

- You can't be in here.

Enough! Oh, God! I've had it with you!

Primitivo, I'm sorry.

He got away from me.

No problem.

Come on, let's go.

Gloria. Wait.

Do you mind?

I wanted to...

I wanted to know if you'd like

to come with me to the party.

I can't.

I meant to tell you that...

that I'm going with someone.

I'm sorry. I didn't know.

Don't hate me.

I could never hate you.

You're so sweet.

Look. I'll make a deal with you.

If things don't work out with this guy,

my first date will be with you.

Sorry to bother you again.

How do you get out of here?

Yes. Go left, right, then left again.

Thanks.

And then you were like

"Claudito, Claudito, get out of here!"

You know who dropped all those pictures?

It was so funny.

SUV loaded?

It's ready.

It's just that...

I have to use the bathroom.

Number 1 or 2?

It's just that...

I'd like to take a shower, too.

You can't go in the house. Go!

I've been in there a while.

I'm starting to reek.

You don't smell. You're fine.

Really? You don't smell that?

- You don't smell like anything.

- You sure?

For sure.

You ruined my surprise.

I'm going to wash your SUV.

Is it that dirty?

It's full of dirt.

After I jumped with...

If you can give...

Jos, enough

with the noise, please!

I'm trying to work.

I can't concentrate.

Buy Jose a new leaf blower.

Hi, Gloria!

What does she see in him?

What does who see in who?

What does Gloria see in that guy?

Her new boyfriend.

New boyfriend?

I didn't know she had an old one.

Good point, sir.

He's not to be trusted!

You're not going to be long, right?

Give me a minute. I'll be right back.

I didn't realize Gloria had a chauffer.

She doesn't.

What are you doing here?

I'm waiting for Gloria.

I'm a friend of hers.

A friend?

What kind of friend?

A best friend? A gay friend? Or...

A friend with rights?

Boyfriend.

Her boyfriend.

What does Gloria's

boyfriend do for a living?

My name is Alejandro.

I'm a freelance distributor.

A thief...

recognizes another thief.

I'm going to ask one last time.

What do you do?

I pirate Hollywood movies, sir,

and sell them on the street.

You're not planning

on robbing me, are you?

Because if you were,

we'd have a serious problem.

No, sir.

Honestly, the only thing

you have worth stealing is...

your nanny.

Did you hear him?

He wants to steal Gloria.

Mr. Valdez, what's going on?

Why didn't you tell me

you have such a charming boyfriend?

Yes. Yes, he is.

A pleasure, Alejandro.

The pleasure's all mine.

Hold onto this one. He's a keeper.

Of course, Mr. Valdez.

Good day.

Let's go.

He's up to something. Find out what.

Yes, sir.

We're here to pick up...

We're here to pick up the old unit.

Fine. I'll open up.

Yo, bro! You Cuban?

Big time. You?

Right off the raft. Whereabouts?

I'm from San German.

Sagua La Grande.

I have a cousin there...

I'll just open these up for you.

Go ahead.

Man, are these gates slow.

You sure he didn't see you?

I'm positive, boss.

Followed him all day.

He is what he says he is.

Sells pirated movies on the street.

Rumor is he's got

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