Bang the Drum Slowly Page #4

from New York

by via Chicago, did you?

I never did speak

to Goose in Chicago.

You never did?

In other words, you're

telling me Goose is a liar?

No, no, I suppose what he means

is I spoke to his missus.

You know very goddamn well

what he probably means.

Don't procrastinate, Arthur.

You're stalling the wrong man.

When was it?

Probably around in February.

What were you doing in Chicago?

Besides, uh,

speaking with Goose's missus?

- Yeah.

- Uh, I was only changing planes.

For where?

Minneapolis.

For what?

Insurance matters.

Name me somebody

you planned on seeing

on insurance matters

in Minneapolis.

Aleck Olson.

Joe!

Joe?

Yeah?

Where's that Aleck Olson from

in Boston

that swings like

an aX chopper?

Olson?

Yeah.

Olson?

Minneapolis.

You sell him any insurance?

It's only a matter of time.

This is all a lie.

I got Olson in the palm

of my hand.

I got a feeling that all your

little statements are true

but what they add

up to is one big lie.

Am I right?

About what?

About the feeling I got.

I don't know what kind

of feeling you got.

You say you got such

a feeling, I guess you do.

I wish you could be

wrapped in a sack

and threw in a river

all eXcept

your pitching arm.

Hey Aleck,

can I see you, man?

Yeah, sure, sure can.

How's it going?

Hey, fellas, you know what

I think about fraternizing?

Ooh!

Dutch called you.

Yeah, what's

it all about?

What'd he say?

Oh, what'd you do

in Minneapolis.

I said, uh, "Bought a coat,

that's all I know."

Oh, he asked

about insurance

did I buy insurance

off you yet.

Is he selling insurance?

What else?

Uh, he asked me, "Then what?"

I said, uh, he got on the bus

to see Pearson.

That's all I remember.

Oh, what's up, Arthur?

You got a girl or something?

Did you tell him

where I went to see Pearson?

Well, I figured if you got

on a bus to Rochester

you're going to Rochester,

you know.

Ain't there any places

between Minneapolis

and Rochester?

Cannon Falls?

It just so happens

we met in Cannon Falls.

Well, listen, you can meet

anywhere you want to meet

eXcept what would you be doing

in Cannon Falls?

Fishing.

In nine feet of ice?

Hunting?

Yeah, but you'd be most likely

go up north of the cities.

I mean,

that's where most people go.

You guys got girls

in Cannon Falls?

Arthur, concerning insurance,

I wanted to know...

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Up north's

eXactly where I'd never go.

That's where everybody goes,

packed in like sardines.

Thanks, Aleck.

Yeah, for what?

I just wanted to talk to you

about insurance.

I mean, combining insurance

with annuity, you know?

Next time. I got to warm up.

Yeah, but I...

Jesus Christ,

every time I talk to that guy...

We started out near the top

running neck and neck

with Baltimore and Cincinnati

but all spring we kept floating

never dropping far back,

but never gaining, either

staying alive with pitching

one day and power the neXt

but never

putting the two together.

We weren't pulling like a club.

I was worried, but Dutch,

he was going out of his mind.

It's no surprise

he kept hounding me

trying every which way

to figure out

what was happening to the club.

Ain't you afraid you're going

to burn a hole in your chest?

I sit here,

reading the Chicago book

and I keep trying to figure

the son of a b*tches out

but then you know what

I wind up thinking about?

Wiggen and Pearson.

Goddamn it, Arthur

you told me you went back

home from Minneapolis.

So, it's this again.

No, Dutch

I don't believe

I told you that.

But you lead me to believe it,

which is the same thing.

You see Olson?

Sure I seen Olson.

About what?

Insurance matters.

By the way...

he mentioned you called him.

Mm-hmm.

Dutch, I wish you wouldn't

push this thing too far.

Why not?

It's a personal matter.

Flip up the bowl.

How so?

Well...

you're probably

going to think

I'm some kind of heel

and all that

but there's

this airline stewardess...

Her name being what?

Mary.

Mary what?

Smith, Jones, Brown?

Mary Pistologlioni.

Go on.

I'm trying very hard

to believe this.

So, you pitter round

between Chicago and Minneapolis

and then you get on a bus in

Minneapolis and you go where?

Well, didn't Olson tell you?

You tell me.

Cannon Falls, Minnesota.

For what?

To hunt.

You never hunt.

I'm taking it up.

What kind of a gun do you shoot?

No kind.

I only went there

'cause Pearson asked me to.

What'd you catch?

Nothing.

You know, we changed our minds

and went back.

Back where?

Back home.

Him to Georgia

and me to New York.

You're probably driveling

up to the eyes by now

but I'm going to hear

other sounds from him anyway.

Bradley!

Send Pearson in.

I don't believe

this cockeyed bull story

about Mary Pistolcoloni

for one minute, but if it's true

you're making

a very big mistake.

Anybody with

a wife like yours

should count his blessings.

What plane did you go up

to Minnesota in, Pearson?

Um, no plane, sir.

In my car.

Mm-hmm.

Is, uh, Cannon Falls

a nice town?

Oh, yeah.

Well, tell me, what is it like?

Well, it's a pretty nice

little town

with a main drag

and a few stores, but very cold.

Oh.

Yeah, we couldn't fish.

The ice was nine feet thick.

Mm-hmm?

So we went hunting.

What'd you shoot?

Uh... nothing.

No, we start hunting

but then we changed my mind.

So, uh... 'cause I didn't feel

like killing anything anymore.

Hmm.

Well, that knocks

the hell out of hunting.

Yeah, sir.

I guess it does.

Then where did you go

from Minnesota?

Uh, back home.

Alone?

Yeah.

You sure?

Yeah, yeah.

Weren't we, Arthur?

Weren't we who?

Me and Arthur.

You two went down

from Minnesota by car?

Yeah.

Flip up the bowl again.

Very well, Arthur.

I think we might

be heading

toward something at last

for two days ago,

I asked you

who drove your car

down to Bainbridge

and you said you

and your wife did

but now I hear

something else again.

Did you go down there

and back home for your wife

or did her and Mary Pistolcoloni

maybe drive down

with Aleck Olson

or in other words,

what the hell is going on here?

Because you know

as sure as your name is

that I'm going to get

to the bottom

of this.

Well, Dutch, the joke's on you.

I'm laughing my ass off.

Because if you'll

back the whole thing up

you'll remember I called you

during this time

on the telephone

and give you

a little patter, right?

And I told you I was up home

when all the time, where we were

we were right downtown St. Louis

and we would've went

out and seen you

but we weren't dressed

and, uh, we didn't want

to see the missus like that.

So, we made a gag

out of the whole thing.

Well, you can understand me

not wanting to give away

a gag like that

I might want to use it

on somebody else

at another time.

Get out.

Get out!

Strike two, two, two,

two, two, two, two!

Come on, let's go, Pearson!

Come on, baby, let's go!

Hit it! Hit it!

Back to first!

Back to first!

Back! Back!

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