Barbershop Page #4

Samir is not Native American, okay?

He's not Arab, he's not Mexican,

he's not Eskimo. He is from Pakistan.

Pakistan, yakistan, you-back-istan.

I don't care where he's from.

He ain't from here, I know that.

He ain't gonna win in the South Side, either.

Damn, speaking of Pakistan...

That's all right!

Boy, what's wrong with you?

He cut a patch in the back of my head.

I'm sorry, ma'am, it wasn't my fault.

He kept moving, so--

I did not, I did not keep moving.

Bless her.

- You know you kept moving.

- What're you talking about?

-It don't look that bad.

- Yes, it does.

Think of it as a new style.

Before you know it, everybody'll be

walking around with a patch in their head.

Why would people walk around

with a patch in their head?

So, that makes it free, right?

Ain't that right?

Right?

Okay.

Come on.

Jimmy will never touch your head again,

I promise.

Thank you.

Damn!

Hey, babe, me and her, mostly me, I tell you!

Come on, man, this thing heavy, dog.

I'll take it.

Damn, my phone's ringing.

- J.D.

- What?

Would you please back up?

My bad.

- Thank you. I couldn't breathe.

- Come on, man, get in there.

Open the door.

Is that that punk Jay?

-Mymm!

- Jay! You all right?

Jay! Come here, you punk!

I'm gonna get your black ass.

Billy!

Get up!

Come here!

Billy!

What the hell are you doing, man?

Man, you just let him get away.

He owes me $5 from a crap game.

I ain't paying your ass nothing!

- What?

- Billy!

- Bring your ass back over here!

- Lucky I ain't got my Jordans on!

Come on, Billy,

bring your ass back over here.

$5!

You gonna cause a scene in public for $5?

Man, he owes me money.

We've got $50,000 back at the motel.

You're gonna cause a scene for $5?

$5?

It ain't even about the money.

It's the principle.

- What?

- That's right, the principle.

He's supposed to pay.

This is Chi-Town's finest,

and I ain't going out like no sucker.

- You ain't going out like no sucker?

- No.

You know what, player?

We're gonna get caught.

- And you wanna know why?

- Why?

There's a stupid n*gger in every bunch,

who messes up everybody.

You know what?

You that dumb n*gger.

You know what? I tell you this.

If he owed you money,

you'd be chasing him, too.

- I would've whupped him last week.

- Why you think I was chasing him? What...

Sh*t!

What? Keep it moving.

Ain't nothing to see here.

Come on, man. I lost my head.

- But you understand, it wasn't just money.

-$5, player?

I'm telling you, they got about

$15,000 or $20,000 in that ATM.

$15,000?

Those machines are worth

more than the money in them.

- There may be a reward.

- For an ATM machine?

I wish the money in it was mine.

I'd use that money, I'd take my girl out

to a real nice dinner, like Red Lobster.

See, now that's upscale.

Red Lobster is the IHOP of shellfish.

That is not upscale.

I don't hate cheese toast

just 'cause I'm eating...

...scampis and shrimps

and scallops and sh*t.

You are truly ignorant.

You don't know what a scallop is.

It ain't even a shellfish.

Did you know you get on my nerves?

Condoms.

- Pampers if you're too late.

- What's with the dogs?

- Get them dogs out of here.

- You like dogs.

- Don't make me smack you.

- I told you once.

Y'all need some dogs

I got this one, if you buy this one...

-...you get this one half off.

- Don't come back, man.

Going home. I'm never coming

in this shop again. I work for me.

Calvin, what that boy name?

I've told you four times, that's Ricky.

Hold still.

- What?

- What do you think you doing?

I'm just trying to get him clean

like them Gillette commercials.

That's the problem with y'all today.

Y'all don't know nothing.

Sit up there, just watch too much TV

and listen to that Jigga Ray...

...and all them folk up in there,

hippity-hoppity nonsense...

...and don't know nothing.

Let me. Sir, you mind?

Rick, get that off there, and lean him back.

Roots, get me a hot towel.

Dinka, Eddie. Dinka.

These young boys don't know nothing.

Let me get you lathered up here.

Put that towel on his face.

Get your foam nice and lathery.

Y'all come over here and learn something.

You finish that up. Put that on there.

Put that on the side over there.

See, in my day,

a barber was more than just somebody...

...who sit around in a FUBU shirt

with his drawers hanging all out.

In my day, a barber was a counselor.

He was a fashion expert.

A style coach. Pimp.

Just general, all-around hustler.

But the problem with y'all cats today...

...is that...

...you got no skill.

No sense of history.

And then, with a straight face...

...got the nerve to want to be somebody.

Want somebody to respect you.

But it takes respect to get respect.

Understand?

See, I'm old.

But, Lord willing...

...I'd be spared the sight

of seeing everything that we worked for...

...flushed down the drain...

...by someone who don't know no better...

...OI' care.

- Calvin.

- Hey, baby.

Can we talk in the back?

That's coming right on off there.

See, that's smooth.

When he get through, his face gonna

be real smooth, like Gary Coleman.

Calvin, baby, what's going on?

What you mean?

Janelle called me and said that

she saw Lester Wallace in here.

Why Janelle won't stay out

my business? God.

When did you start doing business

with a loan shark like him?

- Lester Wallace is not a loan shark.

- Really?

He's just a businessman from the street.

Okay, but wait. Why was he here?

To get a haircut.

Calvin, Lester Wallace wears a hairpiece.

He had to get that faded a little bit.

So, I just...

No? All right. Come here.

Let me show you something.

I'll show you something

that's gonna make you much happier.

Check it out.

What did you do?

I sold the barbershop.

You sold your father's barbershop

to Lester Wallace?

Don't, "shh" me.

We're trying to get

our recording studio started.

Recording studio? Have you forgotten?

You almost

electrocuted yourself this morning.

What matters is, I made this move for us.

This is for us.

- Us?

- Yes.

Tell me something.

Why is it you make all these

spontaneous decisions...

...and then we got to get us out of it?

Baby

I had to do something to get the monkey

off our back. That's what I did.

But, listen.

Your grandfather opened this shop.

He handed it down to your father,

who left it to you.

And all he did was give away free haircuts.

Now they want freebies.

He let all those barbers in there

use their station whenever they wanted to...

...pay rent whenever they wanted to,

and we're in debt because of that.

It's because of him.

I'm not gonna work my ass off for that.

Dinka. What're they saying?

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