Barbershop Page #5

Something about a monkey coming back.

But his ass has too much pressure.

You deserve more than this.

I'm trying to give you the world.

You know what? I don't need the world.

I don't need Oprah's house.

It's not Oprah's house.

It's Stedman's guesthouse...

...and it's a five-bedroom,

four-and-a-half bath...

-...with a Jacuzzi, pool--

- Listen.

This shop had very little debt until...

...you started spending all the money

on those get-rich-quick schemes.

It's my fault?

Let me hear you say it. It's my fault?

Well, yeah, it's your fault.

How is it my fault,

and I'm just trying to better myself?

Wait a minute, I see what this is about.

This is about you.

- Okay.

- No.

You know what? I mean, think about it.

How could you sell this place?

I met you here.

My father used to come here every Saturday.

He loved this place.

You used to love it, too. What happened?

You know what?

This is a little too much for me right now.

You gonna mess around

and send me into premature labor.

- I can't believe you sold your father's shop.

- Jennifer...

Still couldn't hear nothing.

Can you help me with this shoe?

From the heel, dog. Let the toe go.

- Pull this sock off for me, too.

- Are these socks clean?

They're my mama's socks, man.

You know we wear the same size shoe?

Damn. You need a Band-Aid, man.

I'm going to go get that for you.

Oh, no. Hey. I'll go get the Band-Aid.

'Cause you can't seem to do nothing right.

You just stay here, work on the ATM.

Damn. I mean, man, your foofs jacked up.

It isn't nothing but some dead skin.

All I need is some cocoa butter.

I can get that. Excuse me, player.

Excuse me, dog.

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, God!

Okay, man, are we straight or what?

- Next.

- Hold on, man.

-$20, man.

- All right.

Here's a little something extra

for Johnnie's shoe fund. Take care.

- Hold on, player.

- Wait!

Hey, hook me up, Cal.

- See, I was next.

- No, I was here earlier.

You got any money?

- Man, I got your money--

- See, I got money too.

I'll do you next.

Sit over there, fish. I'll do you next.

Either that or go see Eddie.

-L'm busy.

- I don't want to see Eddie.

That's right. Come on. Take care.

You know I got stuff to do, man.

Get these nose hairs for me.

Nose hairs?

You ain't got my money,

I'm going to get them ass hairs for you.

I hear that Evander Holyfield

gonna put a Red Lobster in a church.

How is he gonna call himself a man of God?

You know what? You're right.

When he down there in Georgia,

slinging his thing through half the state.

I bet that you all didn't even know

Jesus wasn't a Christian.

He was a Jew.

- Hey, Jimmy.

- Yo.

Why you always throwing out random trivia,

like you know everything?

I don't think I know everything,

I'm saying that being educated...

...guarantees I won't spend

my life behind bars.

That's what this is about?

Me being in the pen?

-L'm just saying--

- Who you talking about?

I'm just saying, being educated means

you have opportunities.

And the rest of us are doing what?

Biding our time?

Can you guys stop arguing for once?

You're like a bunch of little kids.

Back and forth. I'm getting a headache.

That's cool. I'm not gonna get worked up.

This isn't the end of the line

for Jimmy James.

Well, leave.

You could do a lot worse

than being a barber.

And a lot better.

And don't hate me 'cause I'm

trying to make something of myself.

- Black Picasso of the ghetto!

- Barber's a respectable occupation.

I'll have my own mural, my own shop.

I might even take over this shop

if Calvin don't give it to his son.

Let me tell you something.

You will never own a black barbershop.

- I will if I want to.

- If Tony Roma can make ribs better...

...than black people,

Isaac can own a black barbershop.

Ribs better than black people?

You want some good ribs?

You should go over to C&K on 75th.

Tony Roma boils his ribs.

That is not authentic.

No. Tony Roma's is delicious.

You know, I don't see white or black.

I just see red sauce on everything.

Well, you're new here.

- He don't boil his ribs.

- I like them.

Know what? Jimmy got a point.

Because nobody in here

want to be a barber...

...for the rest of their life.

Thank you. That's all I'm saying.

I like cutting hair.

Wait a minute. A barber is a craftsman.

I mean, it's respectable.

And I must admit I like it.

So I guess I agree with Terri.

You agree with everything Terri say.

- Watch it, Jimmy.

- You a hater.

- No, I'm not.

- Yes, you are.

Hey, Lamar.

Run, n*gger. Look at him go.

Be right back.

Hey, Lamar.

Don't bring your skinny ass back.

See that? That's why you can't have

no business in the ghetto.

You must not know me.

Well, I'm Chi-Town's finest.

I'll whup into you like that, boy.

Now, I'm gonna have to poke you.

Oh, I think I got it.

Just give us the money.

What's my mama's code?

Thank you, cutie.

You're welcome, my beautiful black sister.

What's up, little man?

I got an announcement to make.

I bought some more applejuice.

And I want nobody in here to drink it.

Have some respect and decency

for other people's stuff.

- What you looking at me for?

- Because I know you drank it.

- Did you see me drink it?

- I don't care.

I'm being real nice right now.

Don't touch my apple juice,

or there will be repercussions.

- You know what? Repercussion, my nuts.

- Grow some.

You hear that?

Barbershop.

Terri, it's Kevin.

I'm not here.

- What?

-I'm not here.

I know you heard that.

All right.

Let's kill all this applause, now,

because we all know...

...that she's gonna go right back to him

just like she always do.

Don't make me run these

clippers up your ass.

- Might need some help with that.

- She told you.

Terri, you all right?

I should thank you.

For what?

This morning,

I made such a spectacle of myself.

But your words were kind.

I believe they were, "Stay strong, brother."

Something like that.

How much I owe you for this?

For one brief, embarrassing moment,

I chose to give up.

But your words

were just the reminder I needed.

Perhaps insignificant to you...

...but sometimes I think...

...we are unaware of how the little

things for us can be so huge for others.

Hey, honeybun.

- Hey, boo.

- This is just too much. Hi.

It's okay. Take your time. Oh, my boo.

Anyway, I do find it amusing

that the people...

...who stole my ATM

will not get any money out of it.

Oh, yeah. You can't break into those things.

'Cause there is no money in it.

It is brand new.

It had not even been loaded yet.

There's no money in it?

- That's a trip.

- Yes.

- How much I owe you for this?

- No. Put your money away.

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