Barefoot in the Park Page #2

I'd get that much out.

Oh.

But it didn't...

It didn't seem

like six flights

when I first

saw the apartment.

Why... why is that?

You didn't see

this apartment.

Don't you remember?

The woman wasn't home.

You saw the apartment

on the third floor.

That's why.

You don't like it.

I do like it, dear.

I'm just waiting

for my eyes to clear.

I thought

you'd say wow!

I will.

I will.

I'm just...

You...

Wow.

It's going

to be beautiful!

I promise you!

Do you know what?

What?

I missed you.

Really?

In the middle of the

Monday morning conference

I began to...

Let's go back

to the Plaza.

We have an hour

till checkout.

We can't.

Why?

We stole a towel

and three ashtrays. We're hot.

You know, for a lawyer,

you're some good kisser.

Heh-eh!

What?

For a kisser,

I'm some good lawyer.

Something's happened.

Something's happened.

Tell me!

It's not positive.

The office will call

and let me know.

They called.

I mean I called.

When?

Now.

Where?

Over there.

Right now.

You didn't tell me.

I forgot.

You kissed me

and got me all crazy.

Frank. Yes, Frank.

Tell me...

That's very funny,

Frank.

For a lawyer

I'm some good kisser.

I'd love to listen,

but I've got work to do.

You, too.

You've a got

a court case tomorrow.

Frank, are you kidding?

Do you mean this?

The whole thing?

Birnbaum v. Gump.

Marshall just

dumped the case

in our eager, inexperienced

little hands.

This is our chance for the key

to the executive washroom.

Well, we're a cinch.

I'll go over the briefs

here tonight.

I'll meet you at the office at 8:00

in the morning.

Frank, think I have time

to grow a mustache?

Did you hear?

Did you hear?

It's my first case!

I'm going to be

a lawyer!

That's great, Paul.

You going to have

to work tonight?

I'm going to go

over the affidavits.

This furrier's suing

a woman for nonpayment.

I've got the furrier.

I have a black

lace nightgown.

He made four coats

for a Park Avenue woman.

She doesn't want them.

She's 4 foot 8. He'd have to sell them

to a rich midget.

I'll put on a record

and do an original

Cambodian fertility dance.

There's no

signed contract.

What's happening?

What is this?

What are you doing?

I'm trying to get you

all hot and bothered,

and you're summing up

for the jury.

The whole marriage

is over.

Corie,

honey, I'm sorry.

I'm excited,

that's all.

You want me to be

rich and famous, don't you?

During the day.

At night I want you

here and sexy.

I will, I prom...

Tomorrow night...

your night.

We'll do whatever

you like, O.K.?

Something wild,

crazy, and insane?

Fine.

Like what?

I'll come home early.

We'll wallpaper

each other.

Tonight, dear,

I've got to work.

Please, O.K.? O.K.?

O.K.

So where

do I sit?

The furniture will be here

in a minute.

It probably got stuck

in traffic.

What about tonight?

I've got court

in the morning.

Maybe we ought

to check into a hotel.

We just checked out

of a hotel.

I want to sleep

in my own apartment.

Where, dear, where?

There's only room

for one in the bathtub.

Where's the bathtub?

There's no bathtub.

There's a shower.

How am I going

to take a bath?

You'll take a shower.

I don't like showers.

I like baths.

How will I

take a bath?

Lie down and hang your feet

over the sink.

Ha ha ha!

You know

it's freezing in here.

Isn't there any heat?

Of course.

There's a radiator.

The radiator's the coolest thing

in the room.

Does the building

have a janitor?

Only Monday, Wednesday,

and Friday.

Paul, it's going to warm up

a lot when the furniture gets here.

What about tonight?

I've got court in the morning.

Stop saying it like you have a case

every morning.

This is your first one.

Well, how...

What are you doing?

Seeing if these windows

are closed.

Why is it windy

in here?

I don't feel a draft.

I said wind.

There's a brisk northeasterly wind

blowing in here.

Don't get sarcastic.

I'm not getting sarcastic.

I'm getting chapped lips.

How can there be wind...

Aha!

How's this

for an answer?

There's a hole

in the skylight.

Paul,

don't get excited.

We'll plug it up

for tonight.

How?

That's 20 feet high.

Fly over in a plane

and drop something in.

It's only one night.

It's not that cold.

You know what it's like

in February at 3 A.M.?

It's ice-cold freezing.

It's not going

to be freezing.

It's going to be cloudy

with a light snow...

What? What? What?

Light what?

Snow.

Snow?

It's going to snow

tonight?

Hmm?

In here?

They're wrong as often

as they're right.

I'm going to be shoveling snow

in my living room.

First of all,

it's just a little hole.

Secondly,

what do you want me to do?

Go to pieces...

like me.

It's natural.

Paul...

I have a better idea.

I'm going to keep you warm.

And there's no charge

for electricity.

All right.

I can't do this.

Do you think

Corie would be upset

if I just popped up

and said hello?

Upset with

her own mother?

Why? I do it

all the time.

They're still practically

on their honeymoon.

She's probably dying

for your advice.

Not Corie.

She gives her own advice.

All right,

let's go home.

I'll just be 10 minutes.

No longer. I'll be circling

the block.

I see I haven't got

much of a law career ahead of me.

Good.

I hope we starve.

I hope they find us dead

in each other's arms.

"Frozen skinny lovers

found on 10th Street. "

Then we are in love again?

Yes,

we're in love again.

It's the bed.

It's the bed.

Yes.

I hope it's the bed.

Bloomingdale's?

Surprise!

Oh, no.

Your mother?

I invited her

for Tuesday.

I can't entertain her.

I've got court in the morning.

She's going to think

we're Gypsies

living in an empty store.

Five minutes ago,

this place was paradise.

Suddenly,

it's Cannery Row.

She doesn't

understand, Paul.

She has a different

set of values.

She's practical,

not young like us.

I'm 26

and cold as hell.

Sorry.

What?

Promise me one thing.

Don't tell her

about the rent.

If she asks you,

tell her you're not sure.

I have to know

what my rent is.

I'm a college graduate.

Can't you lie for me?

You don't have

to tell her it's 125.

How much is it,

then?

75, all right?

$75.63 a month, including gas

and electricity.

Paul, will she

believe that?

Anybody

would believe that.

It's the 125

that's hard to swallow.

Yes? Hello.

Yes, it is.

You what?

Thank you very much

for calling.

Furniture's not coming

till tomorrow.

They're sending up

a mattress

and some blankets

for tonight.

Won't that be cozy?

It'll be all right.

Don't let her stay here too long

because I've got...

A case in court in the morning.

I know.

Hello, Mother.

Hello, Mom.

I can't breathe.

Take it easy,

Mother.

I can't catch my breath.

You should

have rested.

I did, but there were always

more stairs.

Paul, help her.

Watch this step.

More stairs?

Mother, would you like

a glass of water?

No, thank you, dear.

I can't swallow yet.

Oh, my.

It's not that high,

Mother.

Rate this script:2.3 / 3 votes