Barefoot in the Park Page #3

It's not bad, really.

What is it,

nine flights?

It's five. We don't count

the front stoop.

If I had known the people

on the third floor,

I'd have gone

to visit them.

Oh, gee, Mother,

what a pleasant surprise.

I'm not staying.

Aunt Harriet's honking the horn for me

in 10 minutes.

Just one good look

around.

I'm not sure

I'm coming back.

You can't

tell anything yet.

I wish you'd arrived

after the furniture had come.

I have a marvelous

imagination.

Hmm.

Well?

Corie, baby,

it's beautiful.

You hate it.

No, no, I love it.

It's a charming apartment.

I love it.

I knew you wouldn't

like it.

I love it.

Paul,

didn't I say that?

She said

she loved it.

I knew

I said it.

Are you absolutely

crazy in love with it?

Yes. It's very cute.

There's so much

you can do with it.

I told you

she'd hate it.

Corie, you don't give

a person a chance.

Let me see

the whole apartment.

This is it.

It's a nice large room.

There's a bedroom.

One flight up.

It's just two steps.

See, 1, 2... 3.

Oh, split level.

Where's the bedroom?

Through here?

No, in here.

This is the bedroom.

It's really

just a dressing room,

but I'm going to use it

as a bedroom.

You can just

put a bed in here.

That's right.

How?

It'll fit.

I measured the room.

A double bed?

No, a large single.

Very nice.

Where will

Paul sleep?

With me.

Large single?

But you won't be able

to get to the closet.

Yes, you will.

Without climbing

over the bed?

You have to climb

over the bed.

That's a good idea.

You can just hang your clothes

from the pipe.

That's right.

Everything

is just temporary.

What do they say

in Harper's Bazaar?

It won't take shape

until the bride's own

personality becomes clearly defined.

I think it's you

right now.

What's in here?

Oh... the bathroom.

No bathtub.

This is the kitchen.

It's very cozy.

It's chilly in here.

You feel a draft?

Stand over here.

It's warmer.

What you need

is a drink.

Would you run down

and get some Scotch?

You have

lots of wall space.

What color are you

going to paint it?

It's painted.

Very attractive.

I've got to go.

No, Mother. Not till you

have a drink.

Aren't you going

to get the Scotch?

I'll stay for

just one drink.

Button up. It's cold.

I've noticed.

Get some cheese.

Paul!

I just want to give

my fella a kiss

and wish him luck.

Your new home

is beautiful.

It's a perfect

little apartment.

And you do like it?

Where else can you get

anything like this

for 75.63 a month?

Are you sure,

Paul?

Six flights

of stairs again.

It's the only way

to travel.

Well...

Corie, baby,

I'm so excited for you.

Mother,

it's not exactly

what you pictured,

is it?

Well, it's unusual...

like you.

I remember when you were

a little girl.

You said you wanted

to live on the moon.

I thought

you were joking.

Well, drunk again, huh?

O.K., I'll take care

of him.

I know what let's do.

Let's open my presents

and see what you sent me.

Hey, what's in here?

That sounds expensive.

Now I think

it's a broken clock.

Aunt Harriet

helped me pick it out.

She thinks I should move

into New York City now.

That's an idea.

"Why, Harriet? Just because

I'm alone?" I said.

"I'm not afraid

to live alone.

In some ways, it's better

to live alone,"

I said.

Does this pot

come with directions?

If I had known

about this kitchen,

it would have come

with hot coffee.

Mother,

I love everything.

You've got to stop

sending me presents.

You should start

spending your money on yourself.

Myself?

What does a woman like me need

living all alone

way out

in New Jersey?

You could travel.

Travel.

Alone? At my age?

I read a story

in the Times.

Middle-aged woman

traveling alone

fell off the deck

of a ship.

They never discovered it

till they got to France.

Mother...

If you ever fell off

the deck of a ship,

somebody would know

about it.

Know what I think

you really need?

I don't want to hear it.

You're afraid

to hear the truth.

It's not the truth

I'm afraid to hear.

It's the word

you're going to use.

Love. Last week I didn't know

what it meant.

Then I checked in

to the Plaza Hotel.

Know what happened there?

I promised myself

I wouldn't ask.

I fell in love.

Spiritual, physical,

and emotional love.

No one should be

without it.

I have you.

I'm not talking

about that kind...

I know what you're

talking about.

You don't want

to discuss it?

Not with you

present.

That must be

Aunt Harriet.

I've got to go.

Some visit.

Just a sneak preview.

I'll see you Tuesday

for the world premiere.

You shouldn't have run

just for me.

Goodbye, love.

I love

your new apartment.

I'll see you both

on Tuesday.

Geronimo.

Paul, what's the matter?

I just had

an interesting talk

with the man

in the liquor store.

We have some of the greatest weirdos

in the country

living

in this building.

Like who?

In Apartment 1C

are the Boscos,

Mr. And Mrs.

J. Bosco.

Who are they?

A lovely young couple

of the same sex.

No one knows

which one that is.

In 3C are

Mr. And Mrs. Gonzales...

Mr. And Mrs. Armandariz,

and Mr. Calhoun,

who must be

the umpire.

Guess who lives in 4D.

I don't know.

Nobody else does either.

Nobody's been seen

in three years,

except every morning

there are nine empty tuna cans

outside the door.

Sounds like a big cat

with a can opener.

Victor Velasco

lives in 6A, the attic.

He's 58. He skis,

he climbs mountains,

he's been married

four times.

He's known as the Bluebeard

of 10th Street.

What does that mean?

Either he attacks girls

or he's got a blue beard.

Where are you going?

To stand in the bedroom

and work.

If the bed or the heat

comes up, let me know.

Paul...

Hmm?

Are you asleep?

Just my hands

and my feet.

Know what the trouble is?

We're wearing

too much clothing.

Know how the Eskimos

keep warm?

They check into a motel.

Paul, do you hate me?

Yes.

Say it.

I hate you.

I hate you.

There's somebody

at the door.

If it's the Red Cross,

let them in.

Aren't you

going to answer it?

You found the apartment.

You answer it.

Paul.

Who are you?

Who are you?

I live here.

So do I.

How delightful.

I hope I didn't

disturb you.

My name is Velasco,

Victor Velasco.

The Bluebeard...

from the attic?

I was wondering

if I could use your bedroom.

The bedroom? No.

I can't get

into my apartment.

I wanted to crawl out your window

along the ledge.

Did you

lose your key?

I have my key, but it no longer

fits the lock.

The penalty of being

four months behind on the rent.

So, you say

you live here?

Just moved in today.

Really? And what are you,

a folk singer?

No, a wife.

You know, of course,

you're very pretty.

All indications point

to my falling in love with you.

I see our ratfink landlord has left

a hole in the skylight.

He's going to fix it,

won't he?

I wouldn't

count on it.

My bathtub has been leaking

since 1949.

Tell me... does your husband, uh,

work during the day?

Yes.

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