Barely Legal Page #6

---

- Ah, Cheryl, come on.

- No. Jake, please.

- Come on.

- Just go. Just go. I'm sorry.

A heartless b*tch!

- How can you do this to me?!

- Yeah. You did it.

I am so proud of you.

You got your revenge sex.

You've left him a mere shell of a man.

Revenge sex?

It's really not

what it sounds like at all.

Right.

It all makes sense now.

Wow. I feel really stupid.

Eric, I'm really so...

I'm really sorry.

Cheryl, I really liked you,

And you used me.

Eric, please don't go. Please. Eric.

Aren't you happy?

Well, no. That's not exactly

how it was supposed to feel like.

You mean the sex? Was it eh?

- No, we didn't quite do it.

- Oh.

You know,

I couldn't seem to do it either.

- Really?

- I just never found the right guy or guys.

Anyway, we better get downstairs.

People are starting to leave.

I wonder how Sue did.

- Have some more water balloons.

- Yes. Yes, yes.

I can't believe she dumped me, man.

This is bullshit!

God! What the...

- Oh! Oh!

- What's up, douche?!

- Suck it!

- What's up?

I'm outta here!

- Yeah!

- He has good hair, though.

Don't you puke on me.

And don't puke in my car either.

Oh, Sue, are you all right?

Was it from sex? Did you pop your cork?

I don't think so,

not with a guy, anyway.

Oh, don't ask.

Every possible object.

It's like every mechanical thing.

It was like transformers.

They just all became vibrators.

I told you. It's addicting.

So what about Chris?

Well, last time I saw him,

He was running away for dear life.

- Told you he was gay.

- Yeah, okay.

Well, I think I'm just... oh. Cramp.

- I think it's broken.

- So wait.

None of us cashed in our "V" card.

Oh, joanna, you're so sweet.

So I was gonna go grab some food.

You want to go?

No. Thank you.

I think I should finish up here.

Did you ever find that guy

you were looking for?

No.

I don't know. For some reason,

I just realized...

he needs to be my first...

Or something.

Why, Do you know him?

- Sort of.

- Oh.

Well, hey, if you happen

to run into him,

tell him I'd like to see him again.

- You love him.

- Shut it!

- You want to do it with him.

- I don't want to hear it from you.

You want to get married.

You want to do it with him

forever and ever and ever.

Um, no.

No way.

Oh, well.

Oh, well.

There's always next year.

It's you.

I've been waiting for you, JJ.

Joanna.

I want you. Now.

Wow.

So I guess this means I'm gay.

Oh. Hold on. I don't know.

I'm not sure about this whole thing.

Wait.

I mean, I'm sorry. I just...

I think we should do it again...

just to make sure.

Wow.

That's amazing.

Yeah, I didn't know I had it in me.

I guess something inspired me.

You really captured his expression

and his eyes.

Yeah, even that little cowlick

he has in his hair.

- Whose?

- Eric's.

It's him, right?

Oh.

Yeah.

I have to go see him.

Oh.

Well, I think you know

what we should do.

1... 800... Confess?

Sister therese?

Yeah, hon, um, there was a problem

with your credit card.

I just need the last three numbers

on the back.

Oh, sure

- Oh!

- It's 271.

Um, sister, I know

this isn't a confession,

But can I ask your opinion

on something?

Do you think if you do something bad,

that god will forgive you,

take you back?

Sure, hon. Wh... why not?

As long as you're on the right path.

Well, how do you know

if you're on that path?

I always look for some kind of sign...

from the universe,

something to let me know

that it's all gonna be okay.

Sister, can I get up now?

- I've really gotta pee.

- No! Hush your trap!

Okay, honey.

I really need to get back to work,

But call back anytime.

I will

Thanks.

Sister?

Shut up, or I'll punish you hard,

you sheep f***er!

Eric, wait.

Cheryl?

Eric, um, look,

I am so sorry about everything.

I was trying

to have revenge sex with you...

at the beginning,

but then at the end, I wasn't.

I just didn't want to do that with you,

The revenge part, not the sex part.

Um, I... I do want to go out with you.

And I didn't realize that

until this morning.

I mean, you're a completely

different guy than Jake is,

- And he's all over these pink...

- Hey, Eric,

come on. We gotta get going.

Oh. Okay. Wow.

Um, Cheryl, this is my sister Tina.

Tina, Cheryl.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

Uh, so, um...

Do you mind if I call you

In a few days when I get back?

Yeah. Sure.

Oh. Sorry. No kissing, right?

- No. Kissing.

- Oh.

Hey, did you ever, uh,

get those flowers I sent you?

I... I don't even care

that you hooked up with Lexi.

Wait. What? I never did that.

I mean, you don't have to lie about it.

She told me

all about your pierced tongue.

She must have me mixed up

with someone else.

I wonder who it was?

What's wrong? Is your tongue

ring stuck in my stud again?

Well, it's okay.

Take your time.

We're closing in on my record.

At least this birthday's over.

Dear lord, please forgive me.

I mean, if you could just...

I don't know, like, send me a sign.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Uh, do you know where the church is?

It's on Fountain street.

Uh, yeah. That's the church

I go to. Or used to go to.

Um, it's straight up that way

and then left.

Thank you.

You're more than welcome

to come with me if you like.

Oh. Uh, I don't know.

Whoa. That's pretty powerful.

Oh, 250 horsepower.

225 pounds of torque.

Like I said, you're more than

welcome to hop on.

I don't think so.

But thanks.

- What's your name?

- Sue. What's yours?

Jesus.

- Really?

- Si.

Maybe I could use a ride.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes