Barely Legal Page #5

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- My chips.

- Dude.

- My chips.

- Dude, give me a chip.

My chips.

Guys, why are you

making such a mess?

Sorry.

It was just a case of accidental

masturbation. That's all.

Go away.

- I got it. No. I got it.

- No, really, please. I want to help.

Please.

Okay, everybody out.

Leave. I have to vacuum.

You're not even getting the chips.

They're... they're over here.

I just...

I see some dust over here, so...

It's just there's so much dust

on this floor.

Ah, it's a dirty floor.

Such a dirty...

Dirty floor.

Okay. Okay. Oh all right.

Think I got all of that.

I'm just gonna... I'll see you.

We gotta find a room, dude.

We gotta... oh, here's one.

Oh, frankie.

- Oh. Oh, my...

- What was that?

What?!

- Oh, f*** you sh*t.

- Sh*t. Aw, man, we gotta...

Oh, we can smoke in here.

Stop. Frank, stop teasing, Frank.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Ah, I'm trapped in a box.

Oh, sorry, man.

We were just looking for.

A place to finish this roach.

- Oh. I heard something, so...

- You want to join us?

- No. I'm, like, kind of in the middle of...

- Come on, you gotta do it. Come on.

- Seriously, guys, I need to go back...

- Where's your dog, man?

Dude, what's it like being blind?

I bet it's trippy.

Frank?

Frank, are we gonna do

something soon?

Come here, Frank.

Frank, come here.

Come. Frank, come on.

Come on, Frank.

Yep. Lick it.

Lick it up, Frank.

Lick it up, Frank.

Yeah. Come on.

Ah... Oh.

It's tickling me.

Oh, Frank.

Oh. Oh, yeah. Lick it, Frank.

Bro, you are too funny.

Thanks, man.

Oh, this is some good stuff.

I haven't smoked since junior high.

Dude, I didn't stop smoking

since junior high.

Wait. Wait. Feel like I was supposed

to be doing something.

Damn, I really can't remember.

This is some good sh*t.

Oh. I can't even handle it anymore.

Oh, my god. You're so silly.

You're so silly, frankie.

Oh. Okay.

No way.

Buster. Buster, come here.

No way.

- Take a video of this.

- Holy sh*t.

Holy sh*t,

That's some funny, funny sh*t.

Doggie style.

I'll be your dog.

Yes!

Doggie style.

Oh, my god.

Doggie style.

Oh, my god.

Get the f*** out!

Get the f*** out! Get the f*** out!

- Get the f*** out!

- I'm so putting this online.

Holy sh*t.

Oh, no.

You're the devil.

No more.

This is all just a horrible mistake.

You're a good person,

Not some sinful, self...

Stimulating slut.

You're not.

You're better than that.

No.

Never again.

Oh, no.

Oh, please no more.

Ah, damn it, I can't stop.

Oh, I'm so bad.

Oh, 12 different speeds.

No. You disgust me.

But, JJ, I... Jeremy, you have to

remember that amazing time...

We had together, don't you?

Please.

Lex, I can't.

I mean, I got a girlfriend.

I really like This girl.

Fine!

It's just so sad,

because I'm wearing this cupless bra,

and I also have on crotchless panties...

With just a little string of pearl

in front for extra stimulation.

Oh.

Ah. We've got, like, 30 minutes...

- before she gets here.

- Perfect.

Oh, yes.

Mmm, do it. Oh, let's do it.

F*** me. F*** me now.

- What? What's wrong?

- I can't.

I can't get it in.

It's too dry down there.

It's like dessert down there.

It's sandpaper.

- I just... sorry.

- Okay, I get the picture.

Just try again.

No. Why is this happening?

We've fooled around before.

I... I was dripping wet.

I came, like, four times, remember?

Just do what you did then.

Go on.

I already did my thing.

I already tried.

What? What is different this time?

I don't know.

Last time...

I honestly don't even know

what you're talking about.

What?

You're not JJ?

But your name is Jeremy jones.

How can you not be JJ?

Who the hell is this JJ?

Where are you going?

We're not done here.

I can still do this. I just need

A little bit of foreplay.

I can do this.

I don't need JJ.

I don't need anyone else.

We can do this.

Oh! Go team.

- Uh, you're... You're...

- What? Just keep going.

- Jeremy, are you...

- Sh*t!

Hold on a second!

Jeremy!

Get...

- Where's Jeremy?

- Hi.

Uh, we were just,

you know, working out.

Hey, babe. Just working out.

How could you, you bastard!

- You might want to...

- What?

What?

Mariella!

- Mariella!

- You know, those aren't mine!

At least not all of them.

What is wrong with you?

What is wrong with you?

You used to be so pure.

Well, no more. That's it.

Really, that's the last one.

Ah, yes.

Cheryl.

What is it?

What are you doing down here?

Waiting for everyone to leave...

So I can sneak out and get far,

far way from here.

What? Why?

Nothing. Just this blind guy

and his dog and... ecch.

Honey, it's gonna be okay.

No, it's not okay.

God. And you know whose fault it is?

- I'm sorry.

- It's Jake's!

Jake's fault!

That lying, cheating bastard.

Yes. He is such a dickwad.

You need to confront him.

Yeah. Yeah, I need to confront him!

I mean, it's my birthday.

And where is he, anyway?

Like why isn't he hanging out with me?

You know, you just call him here

and give him a big piece of your mind.

Yeah, a big piece.

A big old chunk Of my mind,

- A big piece of it.

- Yeah.

You know, you might want to just...

you need to look hot

when you break up with him.

Yeah, you're right.

- I won't wear a sheet.

- No.

I'm sorry. I'm so...

I get shy around beautiful

women like you.

I got no game.

It's not important.

Hey. Um...

Eric, I... I can't talk right now.

No, no. I really need to talk to you.

- Really, Eric, I... I can't right now, so...

- No, no, no, no.

I just wanted to say

I'm sorry about earlier,

And I'm just embarrassed,

- And I want to make it up to you.

- Eric, really,

- I don't care. It's fine...

- No, but I do.

I mean, I do. I care.

I haven't known how to tell you,

Maybe 'cause...

I don't know... I'm a little shy.

But I was wondering or hoping...

that we could go out sometime...

Soon.

Because I'm gonna be leaving

for a little while,

And it would be nice to go out...

- before I...

- Really?

Eric, you're shy?

You have no game?

Well, no, not really.

Yeah, no.

I can't do this. Sorry.

Okay. All right.

I, uh...

Happy birthday, then.

I... I'm sorry.

I was trying to kiss your...

Wow. Wow.

Here I come, baby.

Get ready for your big birthday surprise.

Now you can make a glow...

In... The... Dark replica of my penis,

As seen on TV.

Man, she's gonna love this.

Oh. Eric, stop.

Um, we can't do this.

Oh, goddamn it. Not again.

- Oh, no. Um...

- Cheryl, honey, happy...

What the f*** is this?

Who the hell are you, dude?

Okay, guys, don't.

Cheryl, baby,

What is this?

Aw, jeez, Cher. Here?

I been looking for you all night,

And you've been...

Oh, man.

No wonder I couldn't find you.

You couldn't find me?

What about all those girls'

vaginas you were in.

- Or your penis getting sucked?

- Cheryl, honey...

- No. No.

- We can work this out.

- Baby, I love you.

- Jake, no. You have to go.

- Baby, I'll be faithful from now on.

- No.

Please. I promise.

No, Jake.

I can't do this. I'm sorry.

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