BASEketball Page #4

- Why it's fine the way it is.

Until we allow teams to move cities

and players to change teams

and take advantage

of lucrative corporate tie-ins,

you and your colleagues are going

to have to continue working for...

Chicken poo?

Feed. Chicken feed.

Coop, the ball is in your court.

For those rules to change,

every owner has to vote yes.

Denslow was already filthy rich.

He didn't need the changes.

But you do.

You're asking me to go against

every reason we created this game.

Before you make

any hasty decisions,

discuss it with your teammate.

- I don't have to. We think alike.

Sorry, but if you want unanimous consent,

get it from one of the other owners.

Are we gonna kick their ass?

We're gonna take these mooks out or what?

- Let me handle this one!

In the river, baby!

- Come on! - No doubt about it!

Your mother's

a terrible cook!

I'm gonna kick your ass.

- Easy.

Can't gross me out.

- Well, check out Coop!

I wanna feel you.

Deep inside me.

That's not fair!

Come on, Zane. That was...

That was fair. Let's play ball.

Hey, Watson,

have you seen those beer commercials?

How to speak San Franciscan.

"Vajoina"!

That wasn't a gay joke.

That was an Australian joke.

"Beers Still Winning

More and More Games"

Come on, let's do it!

- What do we always say?

One, two, three,

f*** the Mexicans!

I'll take my shot! Sure hope I make it,

so I can get home quick

and smack my wife in the eye.

- Shut up, Remer.

Shut your mouth!

Take that!

Aw sh*t!

My eye!

"If a woman wants a mate to respond,

she will reveal to him the secret

of a woman's duality.

She will tell him

about the interior woman,

that one who added to herself

makes two. "

I didn't expect you'd come.

I thought I'd say hi to little friend Joey.

He's sleeping, and

I really wanted to finish this book.

Well, maybe

it'll make him feel better. Joey!

Look who's here.

- My biological father?

No, Joe Cooper.

Is it really you?

- Yeah, it's me.

Your psych-outs

were the best.

Thanks, dude.

What's a "vajoina"?

What seems to be the problem, guy?

I'm going to die.

We're all gonna die.

- Yeah, but not this week.

What about staying positive?

Your donor liver's arriving today.

Look what I brought you.

Wow, A LA-Z-BOY!

- Yeah, I made it myself.

If I had a nickel for every time

this ball pulled me out,

I'd have a shitload of nickels.

I wanna be just like you

when I grow up.

Here's your decaf mocha, Jenna.

Just like you take it: Non-fat milk, low-whipped

cream and a sprinkle of cinnamon.

Thank you, Doug.

- I baked you fresh poppyseed muffins, too.

Poppyseed muffins! I thought you had

your electrolysis appointment today.

I did. Here.

Listen, partner.

I talked to the foundation.

They want to make your last wish...

They want to make your dream come true

as long as it doesn't

involve a miracle cure or something.

The guys on death row

only get a meal, right?

So, what's your dream?

I've always dreamed

of big-game hunting,

killing an endangered species,

like a bald eagle

or a giant panda. - That's not

in the spirit of the foundation.

How about poisoning the reservoir?

Or throwing flesh-eating fish

into a public swimming pool?

I don't think you're getting the point.

Come on, Joey.

Search your heart. What's the one thing

you want more than anything else?

Chelsea Clinton?

That's a pretty tall order.

- You'd have a better shot at Bill.

Any backup dreams?

There is one other thing.

Could I just once

hang out with the team?

Just spend a day with the Beers?

Could I, Coop?

I don't know...

- And Miss Reed, too.

This has been so fun. I feel like

I'm gonna puke all over the bar.

Look, Jerry Springer!

Here is your daughter-in-law...

- She's my son's wife.

Nicole! Let's say hi to Nicole.

We'll drink every time

a fight breaks out.

Fight!

Fight!

You see, Joey,

dreams really do come true.

You're the best, Coop!

Man, it's late. We've got a game tonight

and you've got that big liver operation.

Yeah, but...

What, dude?

You're gonna be fine.

I know I could pull through, if...

If what, dude?

- Just say it and Coop will do it.

Do you think you could hit

a home run for me tonight? - Well...

It's not like he's asking you

to hit 2 home runs!

Can you hit 2 homeruns?

- Of course.

This is Coop Cooper. He could hit

3 home runs if you wanted. Huh, Coop?

3? Alright. - Remer, can I talk to you

over there real quick?

You know, Joey, I've hit my fair share

of homeruns, too.

Nice, but Coop's gonna hit 3 home runs

for me. - Great, Joey.

Coop's the greatest guy

in the whole world!

Yeah, he's a major dude.

I feel much better now.

Mr. Squeak? - What?

- What grade are you in?

Anybody call a taxi?

I called a taxi! - We gotta get going

if I'm gonna hit those 3 home runs.

Don't worry.

From now, everything's gonna be A-OK.

This is the best day

of my entire life.

What a story this is!

Little Joey Thomas undergoing

a lifesaving operation tonight.

The fans here all wearing yellow ribbons

in support of this brave little boy.

And his hero, Joe Cooper,

promising to hit 3 home runs,

a promise that could decide between

life and death for this brave boy.

Hey, Pete!

What's the matter with Coop tonight?

I don't know,

but he smells like Christian Slater.

Coop getting ready

to take his shot.

It's good! Coop sinks his 2nd home run.

His blood sugar's way up since yesterday.

Has his fluid intake been changed?

His sodium level's through the roof!

It's strange. He's 8 years old

and smells like Robert Downey, Jr.

9th inning.

Everyone's stomach in knots here,

as Coop steps up. One more chance

for that 3rd home run.

She's here, that girl from the bar.

- That's a guy.

A guy?

- A dude.

You're just saying that,

'cause you want her yourself.

I'm saying that, because she's a guy.

- It's impossible! Just look at her!

The cutest little upturned nose,

the softest lips,

the sweetest Adam's apple...

I can smell her perfume from here.

Coop calls for quiet.

One more chance for that 3rd home run.

He's in deep focus.

This obviously means a lot to him.

He shoots! It's going, going...

Coop has made a dream

come true for that brave little...

Wow! The Lord must really have it in

for that little boy.

Why?

Come on, Coop. It's over.

Poor Joey!

Why? - Sorry, dude.

- If you're looking for Joey Thomas,

he's been moved next door.

Oh, my God!

Why? Why?

- Gentlemen,

in this room!

Joey! I'm here for you, dude!

The operation went fine. Just after

the game, he seemed to be suffocating.

He kept screaming, "Choke!" and lost

consciousness. He'll be fine tomorrow.

Don't stay too long.

Sorry

I missed that 3rd homerun.

Remember I said dreams come true.

Well, they don't.

He's trying to tell you something!

What is it, Joey?

He's turning blue!

- He's freezing. He needs a blanket.

Sir, can I borrow your blanket?

- I'm here for you, Joey.

This should keep you warm.

He's flatlining!

You killed him!

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