BASEketball Page #5

I didn't kill him! - You missed

the 3rd home run, and you killed him.

No! I'm not gonna give up on this kid!

- Calm down, man!

Come on!

Get a hold of yourself!

- Leave me alone!

Live, damn it!

What are you doing? - Where are those

paddle things George Clooney uses?

Give me those things!

- You're gonna kill him! - Clear!

No pulse!

- More power! - 10,000 volts!

- Clear!

- Clear!

15,000!

- No!

- Clear!

You know what you're doing?

- What's it look like? - An execution?

I'm trying to save a life.

I'm giving it all I've got, Captain!

I love ya, always have.

Clear!

We gotta try

open heart massage.

Scalpel! Where do I cut?

Code blue, nurse! 70 cc's

of sodium pentothal, stat!

I didn't kill him.

- Get outta here!

Cardiac syringe coming through!

Jackson having an incredible night.

And he's already hit

2 home runs tonight.

You have to wonder what

Charlie Hough is thinking, as Reggie...

...when man and beast

collide.

Death on the back roads

and byways of America!

I can't believe those a**holes

taped over the game.

Hi, I hope I'm not interrupting anything.

I was just

fixing clam chowder.

Come in. - When you weren't

at the hospital, I came right over.

There was some terrorist attack

on the post-op ward. - Terrorists?

Yeah, they were disguised as baseketball

players. I was so worried...

about Joey.

- Was he...? Is he...?

Oh, he's fine. He came through

the operation with flying colors.

With that new liver he should be peeing

like a champ in no time.

That's kidneys, Coop.

Have a seat.

Thank you for all you've done for Joey.

- Oh, it's nothing.

He's going to remember this day

for the rest of his life.

I don't doubt that.

What a great picture!

Look at you guys. You seem so happy.

- I guess we were.

Best friends playing ball on the driveway.

Next thing I know,

I'm on ESPN and Wheaties boxes.

It's all pretty sweet,

but since Denslow's been gone,

I'm in charge of the team,

and the whole league now.

Sometimes I forget

why I play the game.

Why do you play it, Coop?

- Mr. October.

The guy in the Chippendales calendar?

- No, that was Dwayne Zackemore.

I mean,

whoever it was that month.

I'm talking about Reggie Jackson.

He hit 3 home runs in one game.

I caught the 3rd one

in the stands.

It meant so much to me.

All I ever dreamed of was

to be that guy,

have that one shining moment.

Be a hero.

- You already are a hero, Coop.

You've won

these kids' hearts, but...

What?

I'm just worried about getting attached.

I mean, the kids getting attached.

I don't want them to be hurt.

- Jenna,

I would never do anything to hurt...

these kids.

What Joey really needs to know is:

Where will you be next year?

Right here.

And the next year,

and the year after that.

Until Joey grows up,

and gets his driver's license

and starts going out with girls

and meets the right one and

forgets about baseketball altogether...

...goes home,

does some push-ups,

fucks the sleeve

of his favorite jacket. - What?

I'm just saying, we'll be here

for Joey. I promise.

Oh, Coop,

I want to believe you...

Coop, check out

this cool sh*t we got at the hospital...

Hey, Jenna.

- Hey, Doug.

You're a little flushed. You have a temperature?

- No, I'm fine.

Open your blouse

and say "Ahh".

I gotta go. - No...

- Yeah, I'm sorry.

Thanks a lot, Dr. D*ckhead. You totally

f***ed me there. - It was a joke.

Give it up! She doesn't like you.

- She has the hots for you?

Sh*t. Squeak has a better chance.

You think?

- That's low. - Why is that low?

Right now you're jealous, but don't

blame me for my sweet ass.

I'm doing the Happy Dance...

Doing the Happy Dance.

Does this thing work?

Can you hear me on this?

- Yeah, check it out.

A**hole!

Wanna get a sandwich?

- Yeah, let's get a sandwich.

Goddam!

Mr. Cain, Doug Remer is here to see you.

- Remer? I asked him to come tomorrow.

Yes, sir, but he's here now

in the trophy room. - The trophy room?

Sweet.

I see you've been admiring

my museum. - Is that really...?

Yes. When I see something I want,

I get it.

Remind me to show you

the prize in the collection:

My autographed Ty Cobb bat.

I'm planning to expand the museum.

Killer set-up, Mr. Cain. What do you pay

in rent? - Nothing. I own it.

Can you break a 20?

- What? Dollars? - I didn't think so!

Let me get straight to the point, Don.

May I call you Don? - Yeah.

When I see one of baseketball's stars

with less than $20 in his pocket,

driving an American car,

sharing a house with 2 other guys,

you know what that says to me?

- Homos?

No! It says you're underappreciated

and underpaid!

Yeah, I guess we are underpaid.

- I want to change all that.

Players of your caliber should be making

the big bucks. Don't you agree?

Try to stay with me, alright?

I tried to get Coop to agree to changes

that would make you millions.

Me? Millions?

- Now listen carefully.

Do you think Shaq got rich

playing in Orlando?

Hardly. He did it by moving to L.A.

Know how much he makes now?

As much as at college?

- What? A lot more! Big money.

And you can, too.

- Would I have quit baseketball?

What? No! I need you

to get Coop to go along.

He'd have to quit baseketball, too?

Did I just fart?

Top of the 7th.

Those cheers you're hearing

are from the nearly 15,000 on hand

for "Anal Probe Night".

2 outs. Remer heading for the

triple square. He's 0 for 12 tonight.

With the exception of Coop,

the Beers are ice-cold.

Oh, man! That doesn't even

qualify as an air ball!

The Beers are gone

in the 7th.

The Aliens coming up with the top

of their order, the same 3 guys

who came up last inning.

What the hell's going on?

You guys are lying down out there!

I get it. You guys are pissed off.

Why?

You turned down Cain's offer

without talking to us.

What do you want, dude?

- What do you think?

We invented this game together,

but you get to control everything.

Denslow gave me the team.

I already told Cain no.

Denslow's happy in his worm farm...

- Dude, I'm not gonna do it.

Do you think Shaq got rich

playing in Orlando?

No, in college. Everybody knows that.

It's not about the money.

It's about tradition.

Think about the greats

who have played this game.

It's because of them and us that I can't

bow down to a guy like Cain.

It's easy for you. You got the team.

We got jack sh*t! Even Squeak's pissed!

I never really minded...

- Shut up, b*tch!

Dude, quit thinking about yourself!

- Dude, I'm not gonna cave in. End of story, dude!

- Dude?

- Dude!

- Dude?!

- Dude!

- Dude?! - Dude.

- Dude!

Dude.

I guess you've got a point there.

Alright, maybe I was wrong.

From now on, we're full partners.

- Really?

You all own part of the team, too.

- Really? You do that for us?

And that's not all:

Prime equity stock options,

comprehensive health care,

full dental, traveling H.M.O.

And 20 weeks of psychiatric care

free of charge. Like it should be.

- Yes!

- Yes!

Go Beers!

Hey, Smits!

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote