BASEketball Page #6

Wanna see a scary face?

What?

- Dude...

"There were four of them in the corral:

The once-proud beast, the broken girl,

her mother, and, finally, the man

they called The Whisperer.

The woman stared hopefully

into the ancient cowboy's weathered face.

'Can you help her? '

'I repair cows, not people. '

His disjointed voice seemed... "

The Beers win

their 10th consecutive game...

Who's this bimbo

Coop's got the hots for?

Jenna Reed, the director

of some kids' charity,

"Dream Come True Foundation. "

I know 6 men on their board.

Baxter Cain is not going quietly

into the good night. - Baxter?

Who is Ty Cobb?

Oh, my God!

- Did I just fart?

9th inning, the Beers are just one out away

from making the play-offs.

They'll have to get by Big Ed Tuttle

and the L.A. Riots.

That's him, Squeak. That's Tuttle.

- He's been talking sh*t about you.

He told everyone he caught you

jacking off before the game.

He saw that?

You oughta get this guy, Squeak.

Look at him, man... he's huge!

You want me to psych him out?

He'll never expect it.

- Here, say this...

I'm not gonna remember all that!

- This is for the play-offs.

If you get this guy, we're in.

Don't worry.

We've got your back.

Your mother's deaf. - My mother

is dead, you little twerp!

I guess that's why

she didn't move around a lot.

Unbelievable! The Beers win!

The Beers have done it.

The Beers win a spot in the play-offs

on a psych-out by Squeak Scolari.

Dude, he is pissed.

I didn't go over the line, did I?

- Not at all. - Don't worry!

Hey, you missed it! We won!

- We kicked ass! We're in the play-offs!

Yeah, let the tears come.

You're gonna make me start crying.

This is really emotional.

- Should we just cry?

We should. We won the game,

got friends, we've got everything!

Stop that! I'm not crying,

because I'm happy.

Our funding's been cut.

They're gonna close the foundation.

Can they do that?

Poor kids! We can't let this happen.

- We gotta do something.

Sorry. I didn't mean to come here

and ruin your big night...

Sorry.

Jenna, wait.

I couldn't help but overhear

your conversation with Miss Reed.

What are you doing here?

- I jet here, I jet there.

There's no reason

for your girlfriend's foundation

to go into Chapter 11...

I think I may have a solution

to her problem. There!

A time-tested moneymaker.

Every athlete does it.

You want me to have bigger titties?

- What?

No!

It's a clothing line.

A Beers clothing line.

That's against the baseketball bylaws.

Not if the proceeds go to charity.

Think about it.

Miss Reed's foundation

will never worry about funding again.

Awesome! We should do it!

Excuse us.

Let me do the talking. No way I'm doing

a deal with this piece of sh*t.

I thought it was "we".

It's not just up to you anymore.

Alright, we can come up with a better

way to get money for Jenna. - Like how?

See? Thought so.

Mr. Cain? As part owner of the Beers,

I'd like to say:
Where do I sign?

Congratulations, Don,

this is gonna change your life.

I look out for my "wimmins".

- Before we discuss fabric or color,

we decide where to make this stuff cheap.

We'll do a big media blitz.

Don't worry. Coop will come around.

Hi there. I'm Dan Patrick.

- And I'm Kenny Mayne.

With the first 7 months out of the way,

the play-off picture is now emerging:

With last night's victory over Boston

the Beers must beat Indianapolis

to advance to Charlotte,

then to the National Eastern

Division North to play Tampa.

If the Beers beat Detroit

and Denver beats Atlanta

in the S.W. Division East Northern,

then Milwaukee goes to the Denslow Cup,

unless Baltimore upsets Buffalo

and Charlotte ties Toronto.

Then Oakland would play L.A.

And Pittsburgh.

If no clear winner emerges,

a two-man sack race will be held

till a champion is crowned.

After the gruelling

regular BASEketball season,

we're now in month 9

of the play-offs.

No, Daddy, don't touch me there!

The Beers, vying for a slot

in the Denslow Cup. 9th inning.

Ferries up by one, Coop steps in.

Home run!

Coop ties it up.

That could mean extra innings.

Who's he? - My entertainment lawyer

for my movie contract.

Now you're a big shot you're gonna

act in a Hollywood movie?

Now shooting, number 17,

Doug "Sir Swish" Remer!

Beers win!

The Beers have done it.

They're on their way to the Denslow Cup.

Who is that?

- Who's it look like?

Victoria Silvsted,

Playmate of the Year.

Hello! Victoria Silvstedt,

Playmate of the Year.

What's that?

- It's a commitment ring.

For Jenna?

Yeah, I'm ready to consider

thinking about dating her exclusively.

I'm giving Jenna

a pre-commitment ring,

to promise to pledge we'll get engaged

as soon as we make a commitment.

What the hell are you talking about?

You don't care about Jenna!

You were in a hot tub with a Playmate.

- You know what?

That hurts, man. My clothing line

is saving Jenna's foundation.

Sorry, I forgot how much Doug Remer

cares about kids. - Gentlemen!

Hate to interrupt your celebration,

but this might interest you.

Go ahead, don't be shy. Open it.

I think you'll find it interesting.

What's that old saying? - "A penny saved

is a penny earned"? "Don't eat cheese... "

Shut up!

How about "One picture is worth

1,000 words"? - That's a good one!

What low life scum

would use children this way?

You would.

Me? Never.

Gentlemen, those are pictures

of the Beers clothing line

in Calcutta.

- Oh, just great.

If they ever get out, the Beers and

the foundation will be ruined.

But rest assured. No reason to panic.

Those pictures never have to see

the light of day, if...

If what?

If you two

miss the next Beers game.

The next game is the Denslow Cup.

- You've been reading the papers.

Do as I say. Play ball,

and you'll be just fine. - You said

you didn't want us to play ball.

I want you to play ball with me.

You want us to play for Dallas?

You don't want us to show up at all!

- Of course. It's called blackmail!

Good evening!

God dammit Remer, I told you

this was going to happen!

If you'd have agreed to Cain's changes

it never would have.

Because of you the foundation's screwed.

- Me? - Oh, there you are!

I saw the pictures.

This is awful! It means the end

of the foundation. It's not endowed

like...

- Jenna, I can explain.

Yes, it was his fault.

It's your mess, Remer. I should've kept

the team. - Dude... - Enough!

Look at yourselves! You're just typical

men with humongous egos!

You re like every other pro athlete.

I shoul've kept those kids away from you...

are ruined, and all you can do is argue

about who has the bigger penis.

I mean, child.

Long wanger...

Throbbing cock...

God! I don't even know what i mean anymore.

- Jenna, wait! - You've gotta believe us!

It was all Coop's fault!

Can we talk over there?

Pig f***er? Can I call you that?

No, only my friends call me pig f***er.

Know what? You're not my best friend

anymore. How do you like that?

I love it.

- Good. I'm glad.

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