Batman Returns Page #5

Crank the A.C.!

Where are my lists? Bring me the names!

It's time.

These are the names of the first-born sons

of Gotham City.

Just like I was.

And like me, a terrible fate waits for them.

Tonight, while their parents party...

...they'll be dreaming away...

...in their safe cribs...

...their soft beds...

...and we'll snatch them...

...carry them into the sewer...

...and toss them into a deep, dark,

watery grave.

Penguin?

Killing sleeping children...

...isn't that a little...

No, it's a lot.

A reminder.

Tonight is that loathsome party hosted

by the odious Mr. Shreck.

May we RSVP

in the resoundingly negative?

Not interested.

Although...

...Selina Kyle might be there.

Ingenious costume.

Let me guess.

Trust-fund goody-goody?

Feeling good?

You almost made a monster the mayor

of Gotham City.

I am the light of this city...

...and I am its mean, twisted soul.

Does it matter who's mayor?

It does to me.

Yawn.

I'm sorry about yesterday, but I had...

...a pretty big deal come through.

Fall through, actually.

It's okay. I had to go home

and feed my cat.

No hard feelings then?

Actually...

...semi-hard, I'd say.

There's a big, comfy California King

over in Bedding.

Why don't we...

Take off our costumes?

I'm tired of wearing masks.

Me too.

Let me ask you something.

Why'd you come tonight?

- You first.

- To see you.

Lovely.

I wish I could say the same,

but I came for Max.

Do you mean you...

Not you and Max?

Me and Max?

No. This and Max.

Don't tell me killing Max

won't solve anything, because it will.

Aren't you tired of this

sanctimonious robber baron...

...coming out on top when

he should be six feet under?

You may have problems with your boss,

but who do you think you are?

I don't know anymore, Bruce.

A kiss under the mistletoe.

"Mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it."

"But a kiss can be even deadlier...

"...if you mean it."

Oh, my God.

Does this mean we have to start fighting?

Let's go outside.

- Are you okay?

- I'm all right.

You didn't invite me...

...so I crashed!

What do you want?

Right now, my troops...

...are fanning out across town...

...for your children!

Yes!

For your first-born sons!

The ones you left defenseless at home...

...so you could dress up like jerks...

...get juiced and dance...

...badly!

I've personally come...

...for Gotham's favorite son...

...Mr. Chip Shreck.

You're coming with me,

you Great White Dope...

...to die, way down in the sewer!

Not Chip. If you have any human feeling,

take me instead.

I don't. So, no!

I'm the one you want.

Isn't it Max Shreck who manipulated

and betrayed you?

Isn't it Max, not Chip...

...you want to see immersed

to his eyeballs in raw sewage?

Okay, you got a point.

I'll let the little prince live, for now.

In the duck!

This is going to be good...

...to cut down a whole crop

of Gotham's most promising...

...before their prime.

You ask me... how do I lure them in?

A little "Pied Penguin" action.

And you get to watch them sink...

...into a deep puddle...

...of your industrial by-products.

Then...

...you join them.

Hurry up and get those kids loaded.

Right this way, kiddies.

Come with me.

So where are all the children?

"Dear Penguin:

"The children regret

they're unable to attend.

"Batman! "

My dear penguins...

...we stand on a great threshold!

It's okay to be scared!

Many of you won't be coming back.

Thanks to Batman...

...the time has come...

...to punish all God's children!

First-, second-, third- And fourth-born!

Why be biased?

Male and female!

Hell, the sexes are equal...

...with their erogenous zones...

...blown sky-high!

Forward...

...march!

The liberation of Gotham...

...has begun!

The penguins are moving above ground.

Penguin army...

...approaching launch destination

at Gotham Plaza.

One minute until ignition.

They wouldn't put me on a pedestal...

...so I'm laying them on a slab!

Penguins seem to be converging

on Gotham Plaza.

Thirty seconds until ignition.

Estimated casualties after launch:

The penguins have reached

Gotham Square.

Fifteen seconds to ignition.

Ready when you are, sir.

I've got the coordinates.

Let's turn them around.

Something is wrong.

Something has jammed the signal.

They seem to be turning around.

There is also something coming this way.

Very large. Very fast.

Who's there?

I'm homing in on the signal's origin.

You're jealous

because I'm a genuine freak...

...and you have to wear a mask!

You might be right.

But what it all comes down to is:

Who's holding the umbrella?

My babies!

I don't know what you want,

but I can get it with a minimum of fuss.

Money.

Jewels.

A very big ball of string.

Your blood, Max.

I gave at the office.

A half-pint. I'm talking gallons.

Let's make a deal!

Other than my blood, what can I do?

Sorry, Max. A die for a die.

You're not just saving a life...

Shut up. You're going to jail.

Don't be naive. The law doesn't

apply to people like him... or us.

Wrong on both counts.

Why do this?

Let's just take him to the police.

Then we can go home...

...together.

Selina...

...don't you see?

We're the same.

We're the same.

Split...

...down the center.

Please.

Bruce...

...I would love to live with you

in your castle...

...forever, just like in a fairy tale.

I just couldn't live with myself.

Don't pretend this is a happy ending.

Selina Kyle.

You're fired.

And Bruce Wayne...

...why are you dressed up like Batman?

Because he is Batman, you moron!

Was.

Don't.

You killed me, the Penguin killed me,

Batman killed me.

Three lives down.

Got enough to finish me off?

One way to find out.

Four.

Five.

Still alive!

Six.

Seven.

All good girls go to heaven.

Two lives left.

I'll save one for next Christmas.

But in the meantime...

...how about a kiss, Santie Claus?

Sh*t!

I picked a cute one.

The heat's getting to me.

I'll murder you momentarily.

But first...

...I need a cool drink...

...of ice water.

Stop the car.

Come what may...

...Merry Christmas, Mr. Wayne.

Merry Christmas, Alfred.

Goodwill toward men.

And women.

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