Baywatch Page #10

you'd call me "driven."

No!

Let's go, boys.

You have to

listen to me!

Have a nice swim.

What the f***?

Damn it, brah!

F***!

Thank you.

Where's Leeds?

Leeds is gonna

escape in a helicopter

on that fireworks barge.

Not if we stop her first.

What?

Come on, buddy.

How?

Watch and learn.

Ronnie, come in.

Holy sh*t, Mitch,

you got him!

Yeah, listen, I got Brody.

He's alive and he's well.

Ronnie, I need you

to figure out a way

to launch those fireworks.

Listen to me.

I want you to

light up the sky.

Okay. Got it, Mitch.

Got it.

That's got to be

her boat up there!

There's the console.

Go.

Okay. Let's see

what we got here.

Oh, f***ing lifeguards!

What a nuisance!

Take care of them already!

What the f***? Holy sh*t!

God damn it, get down!

Miss Leeds,

I'm approaching the barge.

I'll meet you at the top.

Okay. Okay, okay.

Holy sh*t.

She's gonna get away!

Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t!

Ronnie, c.J., right now.

Let's do this.

Um, yeah, yeah, Mitch.

We're on it. F***!

I've never seen any

interface like this.

I don't know

what to f***ing do!

Hey! Look at me,

look at me,

look at me!

You are the tech guy.

You are the motherfucking

tech guy.

I'm the motherfucking

tech guy.

Mmm-hmm.

Come on, Ronnie.

All right, let's go.

I'm behind you, dude.

All right, watch your step.

There's urchins everywhere.

What, the ones

that kill you?

Let's go, partner.

I like the sound of that.

Sh*t!

What the f***!

Uh... god, oh...

Oh, my god, I got it!

And I'm in.

And... fire!

Holy sh*t!

It's working, he's turning!

It's go time.

Right.

What the hell is

taking you so long?

All right, miss Leeds.

Circling around.

Could you put

that dog down already?

Second level! Fire!

Take that,

motherf***er!

Whoo!

Mitch!

The fireworks are almost done.

And then you can land.

Holy sh*t!

And come to this side,

you imbecile!

Fire.

None of them are

working anymore.

I think it's over.

Oh, honey. As usual,

i have to do

everything myself.

Mitch!

Oh, don't bother.

He's dead.

Because of you.

Of course because of me.

You do realize I'm

holding a gun, right?

So impulsive.

That's why you walked

right into my plan.

Leeds!

For f***'s sake.

Why don't you

die already?

Let the little boy go.

That's not how

this story ends, Mitch.

You see,

you're not here

to save him.

After all,

he took your job.

So you shot him.

But not before he got

a shot off that killed you.

I don't know.

That seems

a little complicated.

Yeah,

that sounds cheesy.

You won't get away with this!

Oh, I already have,

Mitch.

You know the best

thing about winning

is that you get

to write the story

of what happened.

Isn't that right,

Mr. gold medal?

F*** you, lady.

Pass.

What's that?

What the hell?

It's a big red button.

The big red button.

Time to die, boys.

No!

I was born of the sea!

I eat fire coral

and I piss saltwater!

I scratch my back

with a whale's dick,

and I loofah my chest

with his ball sac.

What the f***?

I'll die when the tide stops

and the moon drowns!

Until then...

Oh.

Go, baby.

I'm oceanic, motherf***er.

How tacky.

Mitch, you just blew her up!

Yeah.

Plus I'm high

as a motherf***er right now

on devil's urchin.

You stabbed yourself

with one of those?

I thought that was

supposed to kill you.

It does.

And I'm in desperate need

of medical attention.

That wasn't so bad.

That's good luck.

Pick it up.

What? What?

Oh, god,

there's so much blood.

What?

God, why do i

keep looking?

What took you so

long with Leeds?

I didn't want

to make it seem like

it was too easy.

The adrenaline

kept you alive.

Thank god you

make us carry these.

Take it easy.

You saved your

own life this time.

Thank you.

Yes.

Hey, um...

So I hear you were, uh...

You were right

the whole time.

And, uh...

I owe you an apology.

Owe you an apology.

No apology needed.

I mean,

we saved the bay.

So you can hit us

on that shell phone anytime.

Come on, brother.

My man.

My man.

Hey!

What part of "you're fired"

do you not understand, Mitch?

Get the f*** off my beach

or I'll have you arrested.

Hey, thorpe.

Oh!

Oh, my god.

This is our beach, b*tch.

And you're under arrest.

Ow.

That was a badass

right cross, Brody.

You just said my real name.

Hey, killer.

Hey.

Morning.

Good morning.

Do you want breakfast?

Okay.

Okay, cool.

Pancakes?

Yeah.

Bacon?

Yeah.

Cinnabon?

I saw you do that.

Oh, you're still there.

Yup, just the...

Bacon sounds good too.

Good morning.

That was a hell

of a punch, mister.

Thank you.

I mean,

it's not exactly in

the lifeguard manual, but...

Well, I told you

i would learn better

if I had a study buddy.

Don't get ahead

of yourself.

Oh, my god.

Did you just...

Look at my dick?

Now we're even.

Oh, my god.

We're late.

We have to go.

Come on.

I found something.

How'd you get this?

Well, it washed up on shore.

You only threw it

eight feet, dude.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

You're very welcome.

Uh, guys,

after finding the drugs,

helping save chen

and helping me

blow up the bad girl

with a Roman candle,

it's a pleasure to say you are

officially no longer trainees.

Whoo!

Congratulations.

Yeah, guys.

Hey, guys,

one more important thing.

I want to introduce you

to our new captain

who has been running

our Hawaii division

very successfully

for years now.

The amazing

captain Casey Jean.

Is it just me,

or is she in...

In super-slow motion?

Yeah.

Wow. This is gonna

take a while.

That's how we roll.

Oh, f***!

All right, here we go.

I think we should roll

with it. Let's do it.

Yeah, we saw it in

the coroner's... coroner's...

Yeah, we saw it

in the corn...

Coroner's. We saw it

in the coroner's report.

It was in

the coroner's report.

I'm gonna get it.

"In the coroner's report."

Yes, we saw it in

the coronary's report.

Ronnie.

What?

Stop looking at

the donuts like that

and dump them.

Oh, boy, that was fun.

You're like

a dolphin on cocaine,

but not annoying at all.

You're like if a human

f***ed a jet ski...

Which is impossible,

but it'd be so cool.

What?

Okay, I got this.

Come on, dude. Hurry up.

F***, how'd you do that?

Because I'm f***ing strong.

Let's go.

What do your

balls say?

"Don't follow Mitch's balls.

"Mitch's balls be stupid."

Your hidden balls

want to go to the cartel?

Right now.

It's just a third testicle.

My balls are talking...

Ugh.

I need you to check

his taint for needle marks.

God damn it.

It's, uh... and hairy.

God, it's getting

really fro-y in here.

Smile.

Love your chest,

it is so...

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

I like your chest as well.

It doesn't work

when you say it

back to me like that.

Hey, c.J., why do our suits

ride so far up our asses?

It makes us faster

in the water.

Did you just...

Whoa. Please.

I hope that

doesn't make

the boob-lers...

All right.

I'd love it if you

wore tighter pants.

I really would.

Why do you get to play

Mitch buchannon?

You're joking.

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