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Baywatch Page #7
Mcdreamy, get over here.
I need you to help me.
Oh, god, what?
Dude.
I need you
to check his taint
for needle marks.
You want me to check
his taint?
Don't be a baby.
Lift his scrotum.
Not touching
the man's scrotum.
Lift his ball sac
and check for
anything unusual.
There's... f***.
Oh, my god.
Dude, it's a taint,
man, it's a taint.
You didn't even look.
Ugh, my god.
Dude, there's been
gloves here literally
the entire time.
You didn't
even say anything.
Yeah... that...
Oh, I'm going in.
All right.
Tell me what you see.
Hair. Lots of hair.
Definitely not a groomer.
Get deeper.
Lift the balls up higher.
And get closer.
Oh, god, it stinks.
I don't know, man.
There's a big something.
There's something.
Oh, there is a hole.
That's just his butthole.
Smile.
Good job, doc.
I'm posting that.
Do not post that.
The Internet is forever.
It's just a handful
of ball sac.
It's disgusting.
Oh, god.
Dude,
i can't take you seriously
when the dick is out.
Can you please just
cover the dick?
You cover the dick.
I'm busy.
All right,
check this out.
Cervical fractures
of the fifth, sixth
and seventh vertebrae.
That's how
he was killed.
Broken neck.
So, what?
That could have
happened any time.
I mean, you jumped off
the boat with him, right?
You can literally swan dive
down a flight of stairs
and not break that
many vertebrae.
This was done on purpose.
Why has no one else
figured this out?
What are you talking about?
Figured what out?
Broken neck in
multiple places.
No smoke in his lungs,
before that boat
was even on fire.
The reason why
no one has figured
this out?
It's murder.
And someone's
covering it up.
Holy sh*t.
In which case,
I should go
interrogate
those girls.
No, those girls were too high.
They don't remember anything.
All the more reason
to investigate.
Oh, sh*t.
Someone's coming.
Hide. Hide!
Put him away.
What do we do now?
Now we hide.
Hide? Where?
I don't like
confined spaces.
This was a bad idea.
Stop being a baby.
Oh, my god!
Shut your mouth.
You're gonna get us caught.
I'm laying on
a dead old lady.
Well,
she's not going to bite you,
for Christ's sakes.
Will you shut up?
Our drawers are empty.
Why'd you pick
that drawer?
I'm the only one with
a body in my drawer?
Shh. Shut up!
She smells like
cheese toast and chowder.
Holy Christ.
You just tickled
another man's taint.
This was a bad...
Something just
dripped on me.
Shut your mouth.
What is it?
It's all right.
Oh, my god.
It did it again.
Nothing's dripping on me.
Listen to me.
Formaldehyde melts fat.
What?
That's what's
dripping on your face,
necrotic liquid fat.
Now will you
shut the f*** up?
What the f***
did you just say?
Just sit back and shut up.
Shh. Stop complaining.
Guys, someone's coming.
Be quiet.
It's him.
Rodriguez.
It is him.
You got the fake files?
Relax.
We're only here
'cause you broke
his f***ing neck.
It's all good.
God damn it.
Keep it together.
No!
Oh, sh*t.
That's it! I'm out!
No. God damn it!
Sh*t!
F***.
What do we do?
Hey, gentlemen.
Now that that's over,
Sh*t.
That must be my phone.
I probably left it
in the, uh, nap room.
Sh*t.
F***. Give me that phone.
Sh*t!
No, lifeguard.
That was
a cheap shot, man!
Damn it.
That guy's
got my phone.
I'll get the car.
All right, meet us
on the far side of
the park!
Give me the phone.
Mister, get off!
Hey, Mitch,
take this one.
Yeah. Thanks, Mikey.
Hey, man,
this is a wake-free zone!
Hey! Oh!
Hi, honey.
I'm going to go get
rid of the bad man
that's in your house.
Mmm. Eat your food.
Why is he here?
I'm gonna need that phone.
This phone?
Whoops.
F*** your phone.
Oh, you're going
night-night, b*tch.
I'm a pig.
Whoa, whoa, wait!
Hey, hey.
No baby pictures.
Have some class.
You're right.
It's bath time, shithead.
All right, ellerbee,
what did we learn
from the perps
after the interrogation?
The only perps
here are you three.
Okay, you turned the canals
into the goddamned x games.
Yeah, that's
'cause we were in
lifeguard pursuit.
Oh, okay. My bad.
Except for there's
no f***ing such thing
as "lifeguard pursuit"!
Police do pursuits!
When you do it, it's
just some guys chasing
some other guys.
No offense.
None taken.
Hey, what are you saying?
You're just gonna let
those guys walk?
Okay, um, how do
i explain this so that
you people understand?
"You people"?
"You people"?
Oh, you don't get
to say that.
You're just tan.
Right on.
Come on, brother.
Look, even if
you were police,
which you're not,
and even if this was
your jurisdiction,
which it isn't,
and even if you had
probable cause to pursue,
which you
definitely don't,
what you did would
still be totally illegal.
Okay, well, I mean,
it's a good thing
we're not police, then.
It's like you
purposely only hear
1% of what I say.
Mitch, did you pull
Brody off the beach
to break into
the medical examiner's
office earlier today?
Yeah, you bet I did.
Absolutely,
100% and here's why.
The councilman's
boating accident was
no accident at all.
He had no smoke
in his lungs,
his neck was broken
in multiple places.
Which means he was
probably dead before that
boat even caught on fire.
And our investigation
has found that all
of this shady sh*t
leads right back
to the Huntley.
You don't do investigations.
You're lifeguards.
Police do
investigations.
When you do it,
it's just a bunch of guys
investigating
another bunch of guys.
No offense,
you're included in that.
None taken.
Do you have any proof
of this conspiracy?
Yeah, absolutely. We read
the coroner's report.
It's all in there
before those other
guys switched it.
Yeah, and I recorded
the whole thing
on my cell phone.
Where's
the cell phone?
They destroyed it.
Oh. Okay.
So the only evidence that
you had was destroyed.
Exactly.
All the evidence... pfft!
Gone. Doesn't exist.
They're bad guys
and they don't
want us to have it.
Okay.
Let me try to explain
this to you
in a way that
you people
can understand.
"You people"?
There it is again.
Hey, hey. Be cool.
There it is again.
Just trying
to figure out
what the f*** was
with "you people."
All right, now, look.
Leave law enforcement
to the police. Okay?
And you guys just do the jobs
that I hired you to do.
You remember?
The lifeguarding stuff.
Splish, splash.
Otherwise, I'll fire you.
this mess that you made.
Boom.
Obviously,
be upset, and I apologize.
So,
do you always do the opposite
of what people ask you to do?
Because I don't know, man,
Nice and quiet.
No, man, you got
to look closer. I knew it.
Flynn's seafood company.
What about
Flynn's seafood company?
They're the ones who
supply all the fish to
the Huntley club, right?
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"Baywatch" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/baywatch_3723>.
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