Beautiful Page #3

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- No.

She's-- You can't be Miss Illinois

and have a child.

Oh, of course.

She looks just like you.

- I don't.

- She doesn't.

It's ridiculous. She's mine.

Amanda wants to be Miss American Miss

when she grows up.

Well...

get her teeth fixed and

the mole removed, then you never know.

Remember, Amanda,

it's what's inside that counts.

- Let's go.

- Thank you.

There you go. My pleasure.

Make her stop.

She's doing it again.

- Stop. Cut it out.

- Stop it!

I don't walk like that.

- I do not.

- You do too.

Rise and shine, Illinois.

I'm sitting here with Mona Hibbard...

who was crowned Miss Illinois

last Saturday.

Welcome, Mona,

and congratulations.

Thank you, Joyce.

It's nice to be here.

You looked like

you were having so much fun.

I was. Me and the gals,

we were just like sisters. Had a ball.

I bet you did.

Many people feel that pageants

are antiquated rituals...

that perpetuate

sexist perceptions of women.

What's your response?

Well, I-- I--

I would have to say that it's America's

largest scholarship program for women.

So you don't think

pageants exploit women.

But--

It's not as bad as that kind of

exploitation they make you do, right?

It must be so hard having

your face plastered...

on buses and billboards...

just to increase viewership

and advertisers' dollars.

Yes, yes, that's very true.

But thank goodness

I don't get judged...

while parading around

in a bathing suit and heels.

Yes, thank goodness.

As beautiful as you are--

and, oh, my goodness,

yes, yes, you are--

Thank you.

Controversy surrounds you.

I understand you were accused

of viciously sabotaging...

many innocent girls,

a behavior that went on for years.

It's not true.

- It's not?

- No.

According to this...

Candy Bartholomew

had a nervous breakdown...

after you stuffed

a sock down her saxophone.

Misty Waters had to go

into psychotherapy...

after you smeared Vaseline

on her toe shoes.

And a lovely young girl...

Jo Jo Oberschmidt's right hand

was scarred.

Excuse me.

I'd have preferred

to use this opportunity...

to discuss my platform...

empowering America's youth

for a brighter tomorrow...

which I feel

very, very strongly about...

instead of responding

to this mean-spirited--

Thank you so much.

We'll be right back with tips on how

to look young in your 20s and 30s...

and all the way into your 40s.

Don't go away.

You're clear.

We got 30 seconds till we're back.

Excuse me.

Thank you.

Oscar!

Are you in here?

- Where is he?

- I told you. No Oscar.

He'll be here. He's coming for me.

He won't forget.

Mrs. Walters, if you

just tell me who Oscar is...

then maybe I could

give him a call.

How about your son?

What's his name?

Bob.

- Not Oscar?

- Not Oscar.

I could call Bob and tell him

to come visit his mother.

Forget about Bob. He's--

He's my friend-- my son.

His name is Bob.

Forget about him.

- Where were you?

- At a convention in Schramsberg.

I believe I have asked you

to stay off my dance floor.

And this is not a toy.

It is a mike stand.

You were supposed to take me

to my soccer game.

I got tied up. I was signing autographs

and posing for pictures.

- I'll take you to your next practice.

- It was a game, not a practice!

Sorry!

My mom never forgets to take me

to my soccer games.

I did not forget.

Vanessa, these roach

and small rodent fumigators--

They came from

all over the country.

I could not let them down.

Miss Illinois.

What's this?

It's 6:
1 5.

I want to pick my mom up from work.

Why are they sending me a camera?

"Dear Contestant of the 2000

Miss American Miss Pageant--

This year we would like each contestant

to take photos of a day in your life."

I want to pick

my mother up from work.

"What kind of a girl are you?

What is your family like?"

Oh, my God, no.

I want to go pick up Ruby right now.

- We got to go now. Now, now, now, now!

- I just said that.

- Hey, Mom.

- What are you two doing here?

Why aren't you at your soccer game?

Clara, just wait

until we get into your room.

Ruby, wait. Vanessa, show her.

The pageant sent me a camera.

They want me to start taking pictures

of family outings...

you know, day-in-the-life stuff.

I thought we could get

some candid, fuzzy...

family-style pictures

with the old people here.

They want human-interest stuff.

What is human interest? I don't get it.

It's stuff that humans

find interesting.

- Like what?

- People. Take pictures of people.

What if there aren't that many people

you're interested in?

Can you take the wheelchair

and put it in the hallway?

People I find interesting.

Who do I find interesting?

John Tesh, Vanessa Williams.

I can't take their picture.

Up and over.

- My goodness.

- You got your hands-- Hold on.

I just need ideas.

Is there anybody--

- Hurry!

- I'm hurrying.

Could you go to that cabinet?

There's a white lace robe

in the back of that closet.

- Will you get it?

- Yeah.

There's a smell in here.

There you go. Into bed you go.

Well--

I've got to get Clara's medicines.

You two behave yourselves.

Get the camera out.

Hi. I'm just going to arrange this

so it's pretty.

All right.

- Mind if I brush your hair?

- Well, I don't know.

Just take the picture.

- How do I do it?

- I don't know.Just figure it out.

Just take the picture.

That's great.

Take the picture.

All right, you two,

that's enough.

Go wait for me outside.

I'll just be a few more minutes

here with Clara.

- The car's right out front.

- Okay, sweetie.

All right, let's take your pill.

You'll get

a good night's sleep tonight.

Thank you, honey.

Mom, Mona's making me take pictures

of her with the other old people.

Tell her to stop,

and go get in the car.

See you out there.

- Where is it, dear?

- It's in the cup.

It's not there.

I thought it was in there.

Ruby dear, would it be wrong

if I asked you for two tonight?

I have such a hard time sleeping.

Tomorrow's going

to be such a busy day.

All right, but just this once.

Here. Drink up.

I need to see you swallow them down,

and then I have to run off.

That's good. Drink, drink, drink.

That's good.

All right.

I'll see you tomorrow, okay?

No, dear.

Oscar's coming to get me.

He looked so handsome

in his uniform.

He said he would be back for me.

Good night, Clara.

Good-bye, Ruby dear.

Two, three, four--

I can't concentrate

with all the noise!

Sorry.

- Come on, Vanessa.

- No.

- What do I have to do to convince you?

- I don't want to.

Just do it.

I have to practice.

I don't have time.

Nessie, come on.

Just do it.

I don't want to.

It'll be fun.

Just take a bunch of pictures of her

wherever she goes.

- That's easy, right?

- No.

- Don't you want Mona to win?

- No.

You don't mean that.

Will you rub my back?

If she wins,

she'd be gone for a year.

- Right?

- Yep.

She'd be gone

for almost a whole year.

Okay, I'll do it.

Thank you. You're sweet.

You're very sweet.

You're made of sugar.

Like a big rock candy mountain.

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