Beavis and Butt-Head Do America Page #13
- PG-13
- Year:
- 1996
- 81 min
- 812 Views
As the tour moves on, Beavis stays behind. He goes over to a
coffee-serving cart sitting outside a meeting room. He starts
The tour is led by a smiling guide, SANDY.
SANDY:
Welcome to the White House. My name is
Sandy, and I'll be your tour guide. In
case you don't know it, you've come on a
very special day. Today...
She points to the camera crews outside the window.
ON A NEWS REPORTER, facing camera. Behind her, a large gathering
before a stage.
REPORTER:
Today, representatives from around the
world are gathered at the White House for
an historic global conference called: Give
Peace A Chance - or G-PAC.
EXT. WHITE HOUSE ENTRANCE - DAY
A.T.F., Police and F.B.I. cars arrive.
The tour stands in the East Room.
SANDY:
This is the East Room. Many of the
portraits you see were saved from the fire
set by the British in 1814...
Beavis is shaking, babbling, staring at his fist, etc.
BEAVIS:
Heh heh. Fire. Heh heh Aaaaeeehhhhg!!!
BUTT-HEAD
What's your problem Beavis?
SANDY:
...The site for the White House was chosen
by President Washington and Pierre
L'Enfant...
Beavis now has his T-shirt pulled over his head and is pacing
around and babbling. He's too loud now for Sandy to ignore.
BEAVIS:
L'enfentatta tiitatta for my bunghole!
SANDY:
Sir, are you okay?
BEAVIS:
Are you threatening me?! I am Cornholio!
SANDY:
Sir, maybe you should wait out in the
lobby.
Beavis/Cornholio wanders off, muttering.
BEAVIS/CORNHOLIO
In thees lobby, wheel there be T.P.?
ON FLEMMING AND THE HEAD SECRET SERVICE GUY - arguing.
FLEMMING:
You don't understand. National security is
at stake here. We must evacuate.
SECRET SERVICE GUY
Not without proper authorization.
A group of foreign dignitaries is being led through the hallway on
a tour. Two of them chat in Spanish.
We see Beavis coming down the hall in the opposite direction.
DIGNITARY #1
El Presidente es un gringo muy gordo, no?
DIGNITARY #2
Si.
They pass Beavis babbling - riffing off their Spanish.
BEAVIS/CORNHOLIO
Gr-r-ringo! Burrito! R-r-anddatattta!!
Beavis turns around and stops.
BEAVIS/CORNHOLIO (CONT.)
I am Cornholio! I need T.P. for my
bunghole! Heh heh heh.
The group continues down the hall, ignoring Beavis.
BEAVIS/CORNHOLIO (CONT.)
(humble)
Would you like to see my bunghole?
Beavis leaves.
INT. WHITE HOUSE/CORRIDOR OF PRESIDENTS - DAY
Tom and Marcy Anderson gaze at a portrait of Eisenhower.
TOM:
(sotto)
Where are ya when we need ya Ike... (to
Marcy) I tell ya what, Honey, with all we
been through, it don't change a thing. I
said it before and I'll say it again. This
is the greatest country on earth...
Beavis/Cornholio wanders by behind them. Tom turns to look.
TOM'S BLURRY P.O.V.: We see Beavis/Cornholio wander down the hall
BABBLING.
TOM:
(adjusting his glasses)
Say, that looks like... Nah, it couldn't
be.
INT. WHITE HOUSE/ANOTHER PART OF THE HALLWAY - DAY
Beavis comes around a corner and stops at a portrait of Nixon.
ANGLE ON PORTRAIT. Nixon doing classic victory pose - peace signs
with both hands up.
ANGLE ON BEAVIS. His hands also up in the Cornholio pose. He
stares for a beat, then:
BEAVIS/CORNHOLIO
Are you threatening me?!... I am
Cornholio!
Beavis wanders off.
The press secretary is giving a conference. The room is packed
with reporters.
PRESS SECRETARY:
Yes, the president does plan to speak
today at the G-PAC conference.
REPORTERS:
(raising hands)
Mr. Secretary! Mr. Secretary! What about
the rumors that a biological weapon has
been stolen and smuggled out of the
country at this conference. Mr. Secretary!
SECRETARY:
Those rumors are entirely unfounded...
While this goes on: Through a doorway in the back of the room, we
see Beavis wander out of frame and then come back in.
He starts WOLFING DOWN MORE SUGAR CUBES from a coffee serving
cart.
BEAVIS:
I am the great Cornholio. I am a gringo...
IN MONTAGE SHOTS:
A.T.F. and Secret Service agents argue.
Several S.W.A.T. trucks pull up.
S.W.A.T. team guys jump out of trucks and load guns.
The tour stands in a giant, elegant dining room.
SANDY:
This is the State Dining Room where the
most powerful world leaders are
entertained.
BUTT-HEAD
Uh, where's the TV? Huh huh huh. Hey
Beavis,... Beavis?
Butt-Head wanders off.
BUTT-HEAD (CONT.)
This house sucks.
INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF OVAL OFFICE - DAY
A Secret Service guard is talking on radio/phone.
GUARD:
Evacuation?... Probably just another bomb
threat or something... OK.
The guard walks off down the hallway, leaving his post.
From the other end of the hallway we see Beavis/Cornholio enter,
still babbling.
INT. WHITE HOUSE/OVAL OFFICE - DAY
Beavis wanders in and finds no one around. He shouts in
frustration.
BEAVIS/CORNHOLIO
I am the great Cornholio! Heh heh. You
will cooperate with my bunghole!
He picks up the red phone and presses the button again and again.
INT. STRATEGIC AIR COMMAND - DAY
The war room. A LIEUTENANT picks up the red phone.
A TITLE COMES UP: STRATEGIC AIR COMMAND.
LIEUTENANT:
Yes, Mr. President.
BEAVIS/CORNHOLIO
(on phone)
I am Meester President! I have no
bunghole! I am Cornholio!
LIEUTENANT:
Mr. President, I can't make out what
you're saying.
BEAVIS/CORNHOLIO
(on phone)
Bungholio! Presidente! I need teepee!
LIEUTENANT:
(to general)
Sir, the President sounds strange.
Something's going on. I don't think it's a
drill.
GENERAL:
Washington may be under attack. Go to
Defcon 4.
ANGLE ON LIEUTENANT'S HAND, moving to push a button. Alarms sound.
ANGLE ON BIG MAP. A sign flashes: DEFCON 4. Soldiers run through
frame.
The seniors, along with other tourists and dignitaries are
escorted out of the building.
INT. WHITE HOUSE CORRIDOR - DAY
A.T.F. agents rush by. We HOLD here after they go. Butt-Head walks
by, unaware.
Butt-Head walks around and opens a door. The door to CHELSEA
CLINTON'S room.
Inside, she's folding clothes. (NOTE: If Clinton is not reelected,
the shot will be wider, revealing she's packing a suitcase)
BUTT-HEAD
(excited)
Whoa! Huh huh uh,... (suave) Hey, baby.
Huh huh, I noticed you have braces. So do
I, huh huh.
We HOLD ON A WIDE SHOT of the back of the White House for a beat.
Then:
We see Butt-Head come CRASHING out of a second-story window -
thrown by Chelsea. He lands deep in the bushes below.
ANGLE ON the bushes.
BUTT-HEAD
Huh huh huh. That was cool.
We see Butt-Head slowly emerge from the bushes. He looks up,
suddenly seeing:
DOZENS OF A.T.F. AGENTS surround him, rifles trained.
BUTT-HEAD
(awestruck)
This is the coolest thing I have ever
seen.
Flemming steps up.
FLEMMING:
Alright, where's the unit?
BUTT-HEAD
Uh, in my pants?
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