Because I Said So Page #2

who wasn't exactly

a great male role model.

And stop being a helicopter,

Mom, you're hovering.

You're right, you're right.

I'm gonna back off,

I'm gonna give her some space

to sort things out for herself.

Good.

Yeah.

If only I could choose

for her.

No.

No. That is so...

That is so

Fiddler on the Roof.

Your parents

didn't choose for you.

Yeah, but maybe

they should have.

You know what I think?

I think you're fixating on her

to avoid dealing with this very

big birthday you have coming up.

I am not fixating on her.

Is it crazy for me

to want her to have

one healthy relationship

in her life?

I mean, come on,

if she keeps up this pattern

of wrong choice

after wrong choice...

I mean, okay, one thing

when you're in your 20s,

but 20 years later,

it's not so pretty.

Maggie?

I don't...

I don't want her to end up

alone.

You know what I realize?

I give up the search. I don't

need anybody. I mean, look at Mom.

She's been single most of her adult

life and she's lived a great life.

So you know what? I'm going

to be just like you, Mom.

Just like you.

Milly, you are gonna

thank me for this later.

Okay.

"Adult Friend Finder. "

"Over 14 million members. "

Well, that's a very good sign.

I like how they use

the word "friend. "

Friendship is the cornerstone

of any good relationship.

Oh, my God. Oh, sorry, Coop. I'm

sorry, honey. Wait, okay. Wait. Shoot.

Eat my dick.

No, no, no. Be quiet, okay? Gone,

gone. All goney, right? Gone.

Cooper, quiet.

Gateway customer support.

May I help you?

Mr. Online Support?

Yeah, no. What's happened is my

computer has apparently frozen.

No, I was just doing a little bit

of pre-Christmas online shopping.

Why do you need to know

what site I'm on?

Oh, my God.

God darn.

Hello, is this We Match 4 You?

"Let me preface this ad by saying if you

are a nut job, pervert or fruitcake, move on.

"Nudists, mama's boys, the

sexually confused need not apply. "

"Anarchists, xenophobes, philistines,

masochists, sexists, bigots not welcome. "

I know it's $5 a word.

No, well, don't worry.

I'm not that talky.

So let's just take it from

page two. "Chronically itchy. "

"I'm looking for someone with a

steady job who knows the value of work.

"That does not exclude

the independently wealthy. "

Okay, hope that goes out...

Polka dots. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I like it.

I like it, I like it.

Oh.

Hi. You must be Daphne Wilder.

It's so nice to meet you.

Let's date your daughter.

I'll just dig in real quick,

'cause I'm hypoglycemic,

'cause otherwise my blood sugar hits

the ground and... You know? Okay.

I was just wondering what you think the

cornerstone of any good relationship is?

What is in there?

So why don't you just free associate,

okay? I say marriage, you say...

I say marriage.

No, no, I say marriage and...

I say marriage.

Right, but that's not what

I meant. I meant that...

I...

I...

Me.

Me.

I have a slight allergy

to dander and nut meats.

Okay, done,

thank you very much.

It's been wonderful meeting you. Thank you.

Appreciate it, yeah. Right.

Thank you very much. Okay, yeah.

If I say marriage,

then what do you say?

Vera Wang.

Your name is?

Louie.

Huey.

I've already got a woody.

Uh!

How old did you say you were?

My name is Dr. Iris McDunna.

I'm sorry, I'm right in the

middle here, Iris. I know.

I read your ad, "You'll

know me by my polka dots. "

I'm a licensed psychologist and

I wanted to offer you my services.

I wanted to suggest

that as a mother,

you attend, free of charge,

one of my Letting Go seminars.

Hi. I think we were

supposed to meet now.

Yeah. Oh, that's...

Right.

Right. That is so...

Iris, I'm so sorry.

I can't afford to be rude.

I'll leave you my card.

Thank you so terribly much.

God. Thank you, whoever you

are. I'll have another. Another.

I really don't think I can't

get through another one of these

without being

heavily medicated.

That bad, huh?

Bad?

Yeah. Like...

Wow.

And I like that you're going

for a younger guy.

Me?

No, no, no.

That ship's docked.

No. No, this is

for my daughter.

Let me get this straight. So

you're meeting these guys for her?

Uh-huh.

So she's cool with you

doing this for her, then.

Maybe you should just

go play your guitar.

She doesn't know, does she?

Look.

I wouldn't be here if it weren't

for the fact that Milly is...

She's at a crossroads

in her life.

Another hard left

and I really...

She's like this person who's too

sensitive. You know what I mean?

She's an innocent.

She's a pushover.

I'm usually not this

in-the-muck-of-it.

I mean, actually, I consider

myself a reasonably sane mother.

Well, yeah,

it is a crazy love, though.

I mean, who's to say I wouldn't

do the same for my own kid?

Mmm.

Excuse me. I'm Jason Grant.

I don't mean to interrupt.

I've been waiting

over by the bar,

but I only have so much time

before I have to get back to work.

I just wanted to

ask you about your family.

Yeah, well, my dad is an engineer

who was always a closet architect.

And I grew up with a love of old

buildings. I know what you mean.

So I suppose I became the architect

that he always dreamed of being.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.

Oh, thank you, dear Lord.

Can I order you something?

You know, actually it turns

out I'm so not hungry at all.

Let me get you the funghi chitarrina misto.

It's the best-kept secret in the city.

Can we have two orders

of that, please?

And a bottle of the

Castellare Chianti Poggiale.

If you insist, huh?

No, I do, I do.

Do you mind my asking why a man like

you hasn't found a woman already?

Well, I'll admit

I'm a bit of a workaholic.

It's a very important time

in my career right now.

I've found women

but just not the right one.

A lot of great "almosts"

out there.

Oh, yeah, a lot of "almosts. "

Yeah.

You speak Italian, huh?

No, I fake Italian.

I'd really love to learn it.

You know, Milly happens to be

a phenomenal cook.

She's always wanted to take

a cooking tour of Italy.

Oh, wow, I was gonna go

there this fall. Really?

But it's a crazy time

for me right now.

My company is celebrating

their tenth anniversary.

Oh.

You're gonna need

a caterer then.

I mean, those kinds of occasions

should be marked, don't you think?

You are good. So James Bond.

Yes.

Well, it was a pleasure

to meet you, Daphne Wilder.

Well, Jason, my pleasure.

Gotta love a woman

in polka dots.

Not everyone can pull it off.

Thank you.

Bye.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Oh, my God.

Oh, yes.

And the winner is?

Duh. Hands down,

bachelor number 17.

Him?

Yes.

Oh, I don't trust that guy.

That guy was playing you

like a slide guitar.

He was not.

He's a very stable,

responsible, mature young man.

He has empty eyes.

They were not empty. And who am

I supposed to choose anyway, huh?

Who do you think is better?

Me.

What?

I like you.

And I have an odd instinct that I'd

like her too. Maybe I should meet her.

Let me be perfectly honest

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