Becks Page #5

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you know, gay.

Wow. That's...

[phone beeping]

Sorry.

I should get going.

- Was it the ball fondling?

- No, no.

Mitch is at home,

and he works a lot.

Oh, yeah. I'll settle up.

Have a good night.

Bye.

Bye.

What do I owe you?

Drinks are on the house.

Thanks, man.

You know that she's the wife

of my good friend?

You're not one of those people

who think that all lesbians

want to just f***

every woman in sight?

No, I'm not.

I just think that you want

to f*** her specifically.

Come on, she's my student,

and she's married,

and I don't live here,

and she's really WASPY.

Well, it's good to know

you haven't thought about it.

Dude...

Look, just know that your

powers are a lot stronger

than you realize.

Thank you, Yoda,

but you've nothing

to worry about, okay?

All right?

BECKS:
A-one, a-two, a-three.

[plays guitar]

Will you wear rose,

oh, my dear, oh, my dear

Oh, will you wear a rose,

Jenny Jenkins

No, I won't wear a rose

It's the color of my nose

I'll buy me a foldy-roldy,

tildy-toldy

Seek-a-double,

use-a-cozza to find a roll

Roll, Jenny Jenkins, roll

Ah, hey!

Someone's been practicing.

Oh, God, I'm tone deaf.

You are the singer.

Oh, you just need something

to get it out of you, hmm?

You are gonna play with me

at Perfecto's.

And you are going to get

your head checked.

Come on, one song.

It's good to have deadlines

and goals and sh*t,

so I've been told.

I would die.

I would die on the stage.

You will be singing,

and I will be dead.

Well, you don't have a choice.

It's now a mandatory part

of the lesson plan.

Okay, fine, one song.

As long as no one I know

is there.

Deal.

We have like 15 minutes left,

so we're gonna do this

a couple times more, ready?

- Okay.

- All right, here we go.

A-one, a-two,

a-one, two, three, four.

Will you wear a rose,

oh, my dear, oh, my dear

Oh, will you wear rose,

Jenny Jenkins

[line ringing]

Hey, it's Pete.

Leave a message.

- I'll try to get back to you.

- [beep]

Hey, it's me.

I am home.

[laughs]

And I thought...

I know you're out doing

your thing that you do,

but I thought maybe

you could give me a call,

and we could catch up.

Okay.

[engine starts]

[guitar]

Stand up straight

with a crooked spine

Butterflies

as far as I can tell

Hands too numb to grip,

walk the straight line

There's something

I don't get

No, nobody knows

The way I know

Nobody knows

The way I know

There's a sweetness

in the chase

I felt my heart beating

the ceiling

But the light changed

on your face

There's something

I don't get

No, nobody knows

The way I know

Nobody knows

The way I know

Nobody knows

The way I

Nobody knows

The way I know

[applause, cheers]

TV ANNOUNCER:

KTVI, St. Louis.

Live, local, late-breaking.

LUCY:
Are you kidding me?

I am not wearing this.

What is it, like 1994?

KIMMY:
The 90's are back,

you dumb b*tch.

ANNOUNCER:
Will Lucy be forced

to get jiggy

with Kimmy's fashion choices,

or will she get

saved by the bell?

Let's hope these two

can get their act together

before they get

their "act" together.

You have to go on!

The room is packed!

I have a visual processing

disorder, okay?

ANNOUNCER:
Will Kimmy put

the brakes on Lucy's big break?

Find out on the series premiere

of Rock or Walk,

only on the Rainbow Network.

[click]

[piano]

And you fool me once

And you fool me twice

And then I fall down

the rabbit hole again

[cheers, applause]

Thank you, thank you.

So tonight I'm gonna

switch it up a bit

and bring on some new energy.

Elyse, come on up.

- Give her a round of applause.

- [applause]

So I used to do duets

all the time with my ex,

but I don't anymore

on the count of that she sucks.

But I made an exception here,

of course.

I just wrote this song,

it's a new song,

and if you like what you hear,

maybe you'll sign up

for some guitar lessons,

and if you don't like

what you hear,

well, someone hasn't

been practicing.

She's a great teacher.

- I'll slip you the 20 later.

- [laughs]

Yeah. Are you ready?

Yeah.

One, two, three, four.

[slow]

It should've been easy

When I put it before me

But so many ways

For you to lose

A song I've forgotten

And the memory is broken

But time just stops

When I hear the tune

In the dead of night

I don't have to breathe

It's easy

The moment it holds me

Speck on the ocean

What is a fool

supposed to do

In the dead of night

I don't have to breathe

It's easy

It's easy

[cheers, applause]

[laughing]

- That was awesome.

- Yeah.

Oh, that was so awesome.

- You're incredible.

- Yeah? Was I okay?

Yeah! You destroyed it.

Did you hear that crowd?

I'm gonna have to find

another bar to play at.

Dude, gimme five.

Amazing.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

[Elyse moans]

[laughs]

[guitar]

[horn honks]

Oh, my f***ing God!

Hey, sis!

Mom, Mom, get out here!

You piece of sh*t.

You can't return a phone call,

but you just show up.

Oh, my gosh.

What are you doing here?

I was in the neighborhood

and, you know.

Ohh!

Why did you stop shaving?

I missed you too.

Well, how long are you staying?

Can you stay?

- It depends.

- Depends on what?

You're not gonna make me

bring a jello salad

to a potluck or something,

right?

- Dude, you made Mom crazy.

- Excuse me.

For once, I actually have the

two of you under the same roof.

- Yeah.

- Ohh! I can't believe it.

Yeah, I was crashing with

this chick in Venice Beach

until she finally

kicked me out,

so I figured I'd head

to Lauderdale for the fall,

bartend near the beach.

You're killing it at life.

I guarantee you,

every dude with a mortgage

and a moderately hot wife

in yoga pants

wishes he was me.

God, this room is like

a time capsule.

I don't know what

that says about Mom.

No, there's something

kinda comforting about it.

Yeah, 'cause you get to revert.

So should we rock out

some Backstreet Boys

- and pretend you're straight?

- F*** off.

Don't talk sh*t

about Backstreet.

And Mom hasn't touched a thing.

There's probably still

a bunch of Dad's bottles

hidden everywhere.

Speaking of...

Aha! Nice.

Dad never got the good stuff,

so you are stepping it up.

I swiped it from Dave's bar.

Uh-huh, yup.

Oh, Hagstrom Super Swede.

How very Zappa of you.

You still play?

Only when I'm trying

to score p*ssy.

Oh, God, that is

so straight of you.

Why? If it weren't for p*ssy,

no guy would ever

pick up a guitar.

Guitars are hard.

You do it for the same reason.

No. I do it because

the world needs music,

and it is a universal language

that brings everyone together.

And the p*ssy.

Ooh, Mom's not gonna like that.

Oh, she's mellowing out.

Hey, what's with that?

New look, new clothes.

I've taken her on

as my project.

Can a former uptight nun

be Joan Jett?

It's like backwards

My Fair Lady.

I did that with a girl once.

[laughs]

So how long you planning

on sticking around for?

[sighs]

I don't know.

I thought it would just be

a couple of weeks,

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