Bedazzled Page #5

I must say, I, uh, admire the way...

you allow her such freedom.

I think most husbands would

object to their wives...

being alone in a room

with a handsome...

virile young man.

Well, it is the 20th

century, after all, old boy.

Can't expect to possess

anyone body and soul.

Huh.

Wonder why the...

music stopped.

They've probably come to the

end of their first movement.

Your shot, Stanley.

Yes. Yes.

Um... Ah-ta-ta-ta.

Uh, l-l-I'll just pop

along and, uh, uh...

see if they need

anything before, uh...

they start their, um, next...

movement.

Oh.

Uh, hello, Randolph.

Have you seen anything

of my wife at all?

Not recently.

I thought she was with you.

Yes. Probably is. Probably is, yes.

Yes.

Probably... with...

Probably with me.

Oh. Um, where's Peter got to?

H-H-He said s-s-s...

s-s-something had

c-c-c-c... come up.

Come up?

Something come up? Yes.

Y-Y-Your sh-shot.

My shot. Yes. Yes, my shot.

Yes, you're certainly right there.

Gosh. My shot. Yes.

Oh, blast!

Gosh.

Seem to have broken me cue.

Um... won't use any of those.

Rubbishy old things.

I'll just... just go and

get my special one.

Um, Margaret'll know where

to lay her hands on it!

Margaret, my darling! My precious!

My sweet? My love? Margaret!

Seed!

Sir?

Oh. Uh, have you seen

Lady Margaret, Seed?

Her Ladyship is in

the bathroom, sir.

In the bathroom, Seed.

Jolly good.

Oh. Hello, Peter. Hello, darling.

Uh, s...

sorry to butt in like this, Peter...

but, um, uh...

about this Venezuelan business...

I thought we ought to get it, uh,

tied up one way or the other.

Um, uh...

do you want me to come

in with you on it...

or, um, do you...

do you wish to pull out...

or shall we just call

the whole thing, um...

Aaah!

Hello, Stanley.

Just tap this for me, would you?

What are we doing up here?

Trapping a few wasps.

Wasps? Blimey!

Come on, my darlings.

Come on, my beastlies.

Out of the nest, into the jar. Come on.

How'd it go, Stanley?

You know perfectly well how it went.

That Bagshot bloke

looked exactly like you.

Well, there's a lot

of me in everyone.

It was even worse than the last time.

I've never been so miserable.

Wasn't she physical enough?

She was physical, all right.

She was too physical.

She was physical all over

the place, except with me.

Oh, don't be too hard on her.

Fornication's such a puny sin.

What she did to me

was unforgivable.

You're just like all my clients.

Absolutely typical.

If Margaret had come in and told

you she'd murdered the gardener...

you'd have forgiven her,

shielded her from the police.

Just because she has a bit of

harmless fun with some young man...

doesn't do anybody any damage...

you want to strangle her.

You're a complete hypocrite.

I thought you were

gonna make me happy.

I never promised you that.

That's up to you.

I just gave you seven wishes

for one measly little soul.

I'm only doing me job.

Your job?

Making people miserable?

No! Giving them the chance

to be happy. It's God's idea.

Don't confuse me with religion.

You see, his theory...

and I'm not knocking it...

is that in order for people

to be really good...

they have to make a free choice between

good and evil and choose good.

Look.

I'm a vital part of his plan.

I provide the evil.

Wasps!

Wasps! Wasps!

Oh, you rotten,

nasty-minded troublemaker.

Ohh!

Those nice, gentle flower people

grooving along quietly...

and you had to mess it up.

You could do something about it.

How?

Why don't you give them

one of your wishes?

Well, because they're mine, and

I've only got five of 'em left.

Not falling for any more of your

tricks, thank you very much.

Well, just as you like.

Let's go. More work to be done.

What a dreary thing to do.

I hope you're proud of yourself.

It was pride that got me into this.

I used to be an angel,

you know, up in heaven.

- Oh, yeah. You used to be

God's favorite, didn't you?

- That's right.

"I Love Lucifer" it was, in those days.

What was it like in heaven?

Very nice, really.

We used to sit around

all day and adore him.

Believe me, he was adorable.

Just about the most adorable

thing you ever did see.

Well, what went wrong then?

I'll show you.

Here we are.

Give me a leg up, would you?

Now, then...

I'm God.

This is my throne, see.

All around me are the

cherubim, seraphim...

continually crying,"Holy,

holy, holy"...

the angels, archangels,

that sort of thing.

Now you be me, Lucifer, the

loveliest angel of them all.

- What do I do?

- Well, sort of dance around

praising me, mainly.

- What sort of things do I say?

- Anything that comes into

your head that's nice.

How beautiful I am, how wise, how

handsome, that sort of thing.

Come on. Start dancing.

You're wise, you're

beautiful You're handsome

Thank you very much.

The universe

- What a wonderful idea.

Take my hat off to you.

- Thank you.

Trees, terrific.

Water, another good one.

That was a good one.

Yes! Sex... top marks.

Now make it more personal.

A bit more fulsome, please.

Come on.

Immortal, invisible.

You're handsome, you're,

uh, you're glorious.

Thank you. More!

You're the most beautiful

person in the world

Here, I'm getting a bit bored with this.

Can't we change places?

That's exactly how I felt.

I only wanted to be like him...

and have a few angels adoring me.

He didn't see it like that.

Pride, he called it. Sin of pride.

Flew into a monumental rage, chucked me

out of heaven, gave me this miserable job.

Just 'cause I wanted to be loved.

I had no idea.

It's a very sad story.

I suppose he had his reasons.

Oh, can't you stop?

It's a compulsion!

I'm compelled to. His orders.

Pathetic.

He moves in a very

mysterious way, you know.

Here, that's terrible!

But apart from the way he

moves, what's God really like?

I mean, what color is he?

He's all colors of the rainbow...

many-hued.

But he is English, isn't he?

Oh, yes. Very upper-class.

Course his son had a lot of problems,

having such a famous father.

I always felt sorry for Jesus having

his birthday on Christmas Day.

Just one lot of presents.

That's a bad day's work.

Oh, no. He's in here again.

Come on, Vanity, you

worthless old sin!

Stop preening! Get back and

tidy up your men's room!

How could he see where he's going?

He can't.

What rotten sins I've got working for me.

I suppose it's the wages.

Anyway, enough of my problems.

Sit down.

Thank you.

You must be exhausted after all

that business with Margaret.

Jealousy really takes it

out of you, doesn't it?

Think things over before you

decide on your next wish.

Don't rush into it.

Have a bit of kip.

Things'll seem clearer

in the morning.

You can use my bed if you like.

Slip into this.

Oh. Where will you sleep then?

Oh, don't worry about me.

I never do.

I had a fitful doze in the Middle Ages.

Since then, nothing.

- Go on. You can change through there.

- Thank you.

It's very kind of you to lend me

your room and your bed like this.

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