Bedrooms and Hallways Page #7

He won't kill me.

God! All right.

- I'll have to go and change.

- It's embarrassing.

OK, I'll wait here.

I can't go in. I can't face him.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Ang has got something to tell you.

Dan has something to tell you.

Leo...

- Who's that?

- Who, Adam?

He's sex on legs.

Leo, we have to talk.

Now, go easy on him. It could have happened to any of us.

What have you done?

What is it?

If I'd done something really, really, really bad...

I'm Angie. You must be... Adam.

At your service.

Has... something happened ?

Oh. Well, Dan has done something very bad

and he's worried Leo will throw him out.

Is that fish paste?

Yeah, it is, actually. It's all I've got, I'm afraid.

I adore fish paste.

You do?

That's it.

What do you mean, that's it?

- You'll see.

- What are you going to do?

- Sort my life out.

Can I come with you ?

Don't hate me, Leo. I was in love.

- I don't hate you.

- I'm not in love any more, though.

Why am I always the one waiting for everyone else to sort themselves out?

- I don't know.

- I sit at home, twiddling my thumbs,

while you're out there, getting your hands dirty, taking risks.

Gherkins, olives, sun-dried tomatoes...

Leo. Darren.

What are you doing here?

I can't do this any more.

I have to tell her.

Whoa. Don't you think we ought to discuss this first?

- Hi, Sally.

- Hi.

Darren, could you erm...

Sally, this thing that I've got to tell you.

Leo,

- this isn't a good time.

- You know each other?

- No.

- Yes, we do !

- Don't !

I think, if Leo has something to say, he should say it.

Thank you. Right. The other night, yeah?

You know, when we were...

- You know... on the floor.

- On the floor?

- Yeah ! On the floor.

- What were you doing on the floor ?

- We were snogging.

Don't look so shocked. We were just giving it a go.

- Leo, can we discuss this elsewhere?

- Yeah.

- Sorry, sorry.

- It's OK.

I know I'm a little bit daft...

Look, one thing at a time, OK?

Right. The reason I didn't sleep with you is...

- ..I've been having an affair with Brendan.

- Right.

Yeah. And... I felt guilty... You know ?

And I felt confused... and...

that's it.

I was wondering how long it was going to take you to tell me.

You knew?

How could you know?

Leo...

you were behaving extremely strangely and you were wearing Brendan's jacket.

I also wondered who would tell me. Thank you, Leo.

Sally, I'm sorry.

Brendon, I can't spend half my life trying to figure out what you're not telling me.

- I just need you to be honest with me.

- Yeah.

I know. I...

I'm so sorry.

Look,

Can you... Can you forgive me?

Yeah.

Thank you.

No, it doesn't mean I want you back.

Well... Maybe we could work on it.

We've worked on it. This is what we've come up with.

Let's look each other in the eye and just say, "It's over."

When you can do that come and see me.

Sally! Sally!

- Leo! Leo!

- What?

- What's Pecorino?

- A cheese.

No, no, it's ham.

It's on the house.

SMOOTH JAZZ:

It wasn't the handcuffs or the damage to the Calvins,

but the way he did it and the things he said. Made me feel very cheap.

We must rebirth this adorable individual right now.

- Is there a quiet room near here?

- What are we going to do?

Darren?

Yes?

- How would you like to be cleansed?

- Completely cleansed of all negativity.

Like a face pack?

A spiritual face pack.

Well, I don't want to be too cleansed.

These loft conversions, I mean, they look great, but impossible to heat.

A bit chilly in the bedroom, is it?

That's something you'll never know.

- This was all our idea, you know. It wasn't just Darren's.

- I know.

- So, when are you off to Thailand?

- I'm not.

Brendan's going on his own.

You are still back together?

He moved back in, yeah.

I didn't invite him.

He came back and... I'm still fond of him.

Is that why you haven't called me ?

Well, three's a crowd.

- Leo!

- What?

- Brendan and I had been seven years together.

- I know.

- He'll always be a part of my life, so you'll have to respect that.

- I do.

You helped me. I'm remembering who I want to be and it's fun.

I thank you for that.

Oh, Sal, I've missed you.

Oh! I've missed you, too.

I don't want to let you go.

You don't have to!

- What?

- Nothing.

- You do have to change your clothes and come out and enjoy the party.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

OK.

I'll be there.

- See you out there.

- Yeah.

INTERCOM BUZZES:

Hello? Oh.

No, stay there. I'll come down.

Voila.

You should have brought the women from your group along.

Add a little female energy.

Actually, they're all a bit volatile at the moment.

Jane's decided she's not a lesbian. She just happens to love a woman.

Wendy's decided she is a lesbian but she wants to be with a man.

And Penny doesn't feel sexual and says she feels left out.

What do you want?

I wanted to...

you know.

I brought you these.

And?

Well, I thought maybe we could...

spend the evening together. I've got Time Out.

Well, it's a bit difficult this evening. We're having a party.

Oh, I see.

Oh, well.

Will you please take these?

Jeremy?

Mmm?

There must be changes.

I can change.

There have to be trips to art galleries.

Absolutely. I've circled ideas.

I want lunches in Soho. Why not?

That is a rather splendid bunch of...keys.

Oh, yes.

I've got the keys to my mum's place

and the keys to my place

and...oh...

What? Keys to what?

We haven't much time. Ang's at the party.

- You're just jealous because I went out and did it.

- Oh, yeah?

- You were sat with your muscle mag.

- That's a quaint way of putting it.

- Oh, God.

OK. Now you've done the gay thing, so it's back to the wife and kids?

- Jesus, you are so...

- What is the point?

- Twisted...

- Why not just pay someone to do all the difficult stuff?

They could come home and give you little written reports.

You f***er.

Do you want to step outside, Paddy?

Yeah. Yeah, right, I do.

Good.

About time I gave you a smack.

Those two don't need to fight, they need to f***.

You know, I think you may be right. Good.

Come on, come on.

What?

You love it, huh?

Are you over him?

Erm, yeah. Yeah, I think so. You?

Er, me? Erm...

at least ninety five percent.

Good.

Are you over me, though?

Over you? I haven't even been under you yet.

Or not for very long!

That's true, but maybe this is all just foreplay for me.

Oh, right!

Ten years of foreplay.

Yeah. I'm a slow-burner. It takes me a while to get going. I thought women liked this.

- They love it. But what should I expect first, you or the menopause?

- Sally! You are so demanding.

Oi! Come here.

Will you excuse us? We're just going to nip across the hall, spend some quality time.

- I think she likes you.

- Get lost.

- I do think she likes you.

Mwah! Happy birthday, gorgeous. We're just going to go and... sand my floors.

Leo, whatever you do, I love you.

You take care of him.

- Right, bye!

- Bye.

I'm in one of those moods and I'm not even drunk.

That could easily be arranged.

What do you say, we check into some faceless hotel and raid the mini-bar?

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