Bedtime Stories Page #5

- All right.

Screaming Rooster, bring out Ferrari.

Ferrari.

Oh, my.

Oh, my, oh, my!

Look at that.

- [Whinnies like a racing engine]

- Whoa!

I would get automatic respect

riding such a beautiful animal,

but I'm afraid that's just

a bit out of my price range.

- Tell you what, white bread.

- [Teeth click]

I'll give you Ferrari...

...for free!

Boo-yah!

The end. I love it.

Brilliant story.

So he got the Ferrari for free.

I love that. I love that.

A guy getting a free horse?

That's not a good story.

Where's the arc? There's no arc.

I've not learned anything.

Also, you've got

a moral obligation to them.

What are they gonna

walk away from that with?

I didn't know we were doing

an After School Special.

Why can't he do something

a real gentleman would do,

like save a damsel in distress?

Not a bad idea, munchkin.

OK. So, uh...

let's continue.

[Bobbi] Jeremiah was

out for a ride when...

- [gunshot]

- [Horse whinnies]

[Woman] Oh, please, don't!

- [Man] Give us that jewelry.

- You want my pearls? Help! Please!

- Yah! Yah! Yah! Whoo!

- [Horse whinnies]

Oh, my necklace? Here, take it.

- [Indistinct chatter]

- Come on, boy!

Here.

What else you got, sweetie?

Help! Help!

[Jeremiah] Leave the lady alone!

Care for a lift, ma'am?

- Yeah.

- Oh!

- Nice horse.

- Oh, what, this old thing?

Now, any of you gentlemen want to give

the nice lady her stuff back?

- [Men grumbling]

- Not a chance, huh?

- Because I beg to differ!

- [Men shouting]

- My hero.

- I like that.

[Skeeter] So Jeremiah spirited

Miss Davenport away to safety,

when she says...

Shall we go drink champagne

in a nearby hot tub?

[Squealing, giggles]

- Hot tub?

- Mmm.

Uh, yeah. No.

I was saying that because I wanted to

see if you two were paying attention.

What happened was Jeremiah

dropped Miss Davenport off

in the nearest town, safe and sound.

How ever can I thank you, sir?

Ah, no thanks necessary, ma'am.

But I do insist on expressing

my gratitude in some manner.

Fair enough. I'll take...

...$100 million.

- [Cash register dings]

The end. Let's hope it works.

Very well written,

brilliantly constructed.

Jeremiah wouldn't take money

for doing a good deed.

Uh... I know Jeremiah

a lot better than you guys.

And believe me, he'd be all over that.

He loves money.

Mmm!

I don't want that.

Go back, rewrite. Rewrite.

Gentlemen don't get paid.

Will you just...

Who's telling the story here?

It should really end more like this.

Well, I must give you

some token of my appreciation.

Oh, no.

Perhaps... a kiss?

Touchdown.

[Patrick] Then an angry dwarf kicks him.

Ow!

What the heck did you do that for?

Because I'm angry.

- [Laughing]

- Go! Let's go!

[Woman] All right! Yeah!

I didn't do nothing to you!

- The end.

- [Skeeter] You know what?

Laugh as much as you want.

I'll take a Ferrari

and a kiss any day of the week.

I'd just like to kiss a Ferrari.

- All right. Good night.

- Good night, Uncle Skeeter.

Good night, home slice.

Thanks for the stories.

You came up with

all the good parts, Bobbi.

Good night, y'all.

You too there, Bugsy.

[Twittering]

And them braids look fantastic.

They've taken years off you.

You mind sleeping over?

I'm gonna duck out a few hours.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Mmm. By the way, um,

I am, uh, legally obliged to tell you

that I suffer from...

sleep panic disorder.

OK, what's, uh, sleep panic disorder?

Believe me, you don't want to know.

What am I thinking? Why would

anyone give me a free Ferrari?

I must be losing my mind.

Much power of the horse

underneath that hood.

Hello.

Are you the guy I'm supposed to see?

I'm here, aren't I?

So... am I about to get

a cherry red Ferrari?

I don't see why not.

For... free?

Sounds good to... me!

What do I do now?

Eat a gumball or something?

Yes.

- Fell out of the sky, right?

- Yeah.

Shh!

Oh! Shh.

I won't tell nobody.

Now, close your eyes

and count to three.

- OK.

- Then it's all gonna happen.

- No.

- Yeah.

- One, two...

- Yeah.

...three.

Ferrari!

Hey! My wallet!

Not anymore!

[Loud music]

[Paparazzi shouting]

Excuse me.

Hi, boys.

OK, thank you.

Thanks, guys. Sorry.

I'm just trying to find my car.

[Eric Carmen:
All By Myself]

Good thing my wallet

only had three dollars in it.

And my Derek Jeter baseball card!

- [All shouting]

- Guys, guys, stop, please.

[Indistinct chatter]

[Violet] You've had enough, now.

Thank you.

Stop!

[Tires screech]

- [All shouting]

- Come on, man!

- Care for a lift, ma'am?

- Skeeter?

- Skeeter Bronson?

- Yes, ma'am.

What do you say you boys

give the pretty lady back

the pictures you took?

[All grumbling]

Sure about that, now?

Because I beg to differ.

Guy's got a gun!

I'm just happy they

didn't make me use this thing.

[Drill whirrs]

- My hero.

- Really?

[Violet] That was brilliant, Skeeter.

[Stammers] I don't know what happened.

Something came over me.

It felt good.

It felt really good.

How am I ever going to thank you?

Hmm.

No thanks is necessary, ma'am?

Oh, am I in the presence

of a gentleman?

At your service, ma'am.

Well, I must show

my appreciation in some form.

- [Grunts]

- Ow!

Consider yourself

big people-bashed, sucker.

I knew you were gonna show up.

Get in the Gremlin, Jimmy,

before Sasquatch calls the cops.

Yeah, 'cause that's

how we do what we do. Right?

That's what you get, buddy.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Let's go! Yeah!

Pull me in. Let's get

out of here. Pull me in!

- [All chattering]

- Big people stink!

OK, well, you don't see that every day.

Indeed. And on that strange note,

I bid you good night.

- Yes, yes.

- [Car alarm chirps]

Oh! Oh!

All right, so that's how I'm getting it.

- Getting what?

- This is just... I shouldn't.

I, I couldn't. You know what?

I can. I'm gonna take it.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about a very generous girl

who wants to give her rescuer

a cherry red Ferrari...

...for free!

This is sick!

Well, uh, good luck with that.

I'm just going to go.

What do you mean?

Do you have another one at your house?

Am I, am I supposed

to follow you or something?

So seriously, no, no Ferrari?

Where's the $100 million, at least?!

Boo!

[TV] Hey, hey, hey!

Get your own campaign vehicle.

- [Knocking]

- Yeah.

- Hi.

- [Both] Hey, Aunt Jill.

Hey, guys.

How did last night go?

An angry dwarf kicked me in the leg,

and I didn't get a free Ferrari.

So there you go.

Oh. How sad.

- He's talking about our bedtime story.

- Oh.

Uncle Skeeter said Jeremiah would get

a new horse and a kiss,

but I said the dwarf would kick him.

You said it.

Maybe that's how it works.

The kids control the stories.

[Chimes ring]

And there are the wind chimes.

You know what that means.

What what means?

Huh?

Nothing.

Don't worry about it.

I won't.

OK, guys. Um, what is Bugsy doing?

[Panting]

Working off the hamburgers

he ate last night.

Yes, I gave Bugsy some hamburgers,

but I gave the children

that wheat germ stuff

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