Bedtime Stories Page #6

because that's what they love.

I guess it's, uh, Bugsy

watching the TV then too?

Yeah, I flipped that on

and, look, he's glued to it.

[Makes giggling sounds]

[Screaming]

I'm innocent!

What was that?

Uh... that was the sleep

panic disorder, I believe.

Why don't we, uh, get out of

here before the next attack.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Give your uncle a kiss.

I'm a relative, I deserve it.

Right there.

Oh, that felt nice.

How about one more for the road?

- No.

- Come on, baby!

Don't worry, we'll be back tonight.

Yeah, no, I'm not worried.

You're coming back,

we got a big story tonight!

About some hotel theme ideas!

Yeah!

- Maybe we won't come back.

- What?

- Skeeter?

- Sir Butt-Kiss. Sir... Kendall.

I understand that you feel a need

to prepare for our little... showdown.

- Yeah.

- That does not excuse you

from maintenance responsibilities.

- Oh, no. Check.

- Lights are out in the spa.

- The south service elevator is slow.

- Check.

Let me try that cheesecake.

Oh, another thing.

I heard about your big hero act

with my girlfriend last night.

- This paparazzi was...

- I know what it is you're trying to do,

and it's not gonna work.

You have to find another way

to cozy up to the old man

because I'm here to tell you

Violet Nottingham is not gonna

date a gum-scraping handyman.

Hey, Kendall.

Two things. First off,

you got something right there.

Yeah, now, use your hands.

That's disturbing to see.

Good. Secondly, when I get

the job at the new hotel,

I was actually considering keeping

you on, so watch your tone with me.

Your brief little trip

to the land of make-believe

is just about over, my friend. OK?

We all know your failed father

ran this hotel into the ground,

and thankfully, you will not

get the chance to make

the same mistake all over again.

May want to pick that up.

[Phone rings]

- It's Duncan.

- [Aspen] Lover, hello.

I'm looking for the hotel site.

I gave you the address,

macho bunny.

The address you gave me is no good.

There's a school here.

- Oh, what school?

- Webster Elementary School.

- Oh, then you're in the right place.

- Is that so?

- This school is being shut down.

- Uh-huh.

The old man pulled a few strings

at the board of education.

- Really?

- We start demolition immediately.

That is very exciting news.

Oh, Pinky.

[Growls, barks]

- [Phone rings]

- [Skeeter] Hello!

Skeeter? Hey, it's Wendy.

- Hey, sissy.

- Hey. How's it going?

- Are the kids OK?

- Oh, yeah. We're having a blast.

That was impressive, Bobbi,

but Uncle Skeeter can jump

over the couch the long way.

- Skeeter, can I talk to them?

- No, I'm taking them camping.

- No.

- Have fun in Arizona. Bye!

Camping? No, Skeeter,

they could get poison ivy!

- [Skeeter] Let's go. Quietly.

- [Patrick] Where are we going?

- Someplace special, fools.

- [Bugsy] Whoo-hoo!

Now march, march,

march, march...

I don't know

but it's been said

Bugsy's eyes

pop out of his head

- March, march, march...

- [kids giggling]

- [Bugsy] Whoo-hoo!

- [Skeeter] March, let's go.

[Kids] Whoa! Cool!

We're going to have ourselves

a camp-out.

[Jill] You guys, look what he's done!

Isn't this cool?

- See? See how nice I am?

- Yeah.

Whoa, OK, just be careful

around the fire.

Hey, Jill. Shh.

Don't want everyone to hear we're here.

[All chattering]

I heard about marshmallows.

Saw them in magazines.

I never imagined they

would be this good.

Let's just hope your mother

doesn't find out I gave you any.

- I won't tell her.

- I'm not talking about you.

She's the weak link.

I think I can let this one slide.

Ahh! The mermaid's being cool.

Look at that.

- The what?

- The nothing.

You know, when we were younger

and your mom and I were out on the roof,

my dad would always tell us

to look at the stars

and see if you could make something

out of them. All right, like, uh...

Right over there.

Right over there. Look, look.

To me, that looks like a camel.

You see the humps? Huh?

The tongue hanging out?

Oh, yeah. I see that.

Hey, look over there!

It's a pyramid.

[Skeeter] Yeah!

Hey, good one, Patrick.

Look, right next to the moon.

Right, right beside it.

It looks exactly like Bugsy.

- [Skeeter] Oh, my God!

- [All laughing]

Don't worry, Bugsy.

Your eyes are still bigger.

- [Chitters]

- [Jill laughs]

Uncle Skeeter?

Yes, good-looking.

Do you think my father will come back?

Um...

Well, that's a tough one.

He must be going through some...

mental malfunction

to not want to be with you two guys

every second of the day.

But, uh, I do know this.

You're always going to have your mother.

You're always gonna have

this girl to hang out with.

And me, I ain't ever going anywhere.

OK?

I'm like the stink on your feet.

I'll always be around.

OK. You guys made me late.

I hope you're happy.

Well, thank you.

Have fun at night school.

See you tomorrow.

All right, we got rid of her,

so let's get to business.

Put the s'mores down.

Story time.

All right, guys. Tonight's story's

gonna be extra special.

All right, guys. Tonight's story's

gonna be extra special.

It's called...

... The Great Hotel Idea Story.

Yeah!

- What?

- Boring.

Come on, guys,

I really need you to do this.

It's gonna help

my life a lot. Please?

All right, you know what?

We still got one more night.

Let's have a fun story.

How about some Evel Knievel stuff?

Racing, jumping, flying...

Or maybe something like romantic?

[Kissing sounds, chitters]

I have a good idea.

Let's combine the action

and the romance

and make a romaction story.

- [Both] Yeah.

- [Skeeter] Let us begin.

The greatest of all the heroes

in ancient Greece

was, of course, Skeetacus.

He was truly amazing

yet totally underrated

and had been ignored for years.

Finally Skeetacus had his chance

to show his skills in the grand arena.

If he could impress the

daughter of the emperor,

he knew he would one day rule the land.

- [Horse whinnies]

- [Crowd cheering]

- Skeetacus, Skeetacus!

- Go on, Skeetacus!

That's pretty fancy chariot work.

For a peasant.

I see London, I see France

I see my golden underpants

Whoo!

Oh, wh... what is he doing?

Whoa!

[Whinnying]

[Skeeter] Bring on the elephants!

- Whoa.

- Ooh.

All right.

[Skeeter] You know how Hercules

supposedly founded the Olympics?

[Trumpeting]

[Twitters]

Well, Skeetacus invented the X Games.

He's never gonna make it!

- [Shouting]

- [Crowd gasping]

Now that's first class.

Hey!

- Bravo!

- Wow.

Can you dig it?

[Crowd chants] Skeetacus!

How we doing so far, huh?

- This is the best story yet.

- Can we get to the romance now?

[Skeeter] Well, shorty, you tell me?

Does Skeetacus get

the girl he was after?

[Bobbi] In these stories,

the hero always gets the fairest

maiden in the land.

Yes! You said it!

OK, so it's gonna happen!

Uh, right. So, what? They're thirsty?

They go off for drinks?

A little wine and cheese action? Yes?

[Bobbi] Yeah, they can go to an old

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