Bedtime Stories Page #8

What I'm going to do is

tell them a bedtime story tonight.

I'll have me win in the story.

Then I'll win for reals.

Do you dig?

Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, I understand.

So it's like, um,

positive visualization.

I read a book on that once.

Read the back cover, at least.

I can't read.

[Laughing]

Shut up, Bugsy!

I've got opposable thumbs.

How do you feel about that?

[Stops laughing]

[Skeeter] You children ready?

Because here comes our last story.

The fate of the entire universe

hung in the balance,

as the Supreme Galactic Council

met to determine who would control

the new planet in the vast

Nottinghamian star system.

[All cheering]

Most in attendance expected

Supreme Leader Barracto

to rule in favor of General Kendallo,

the evil governor of Hotelium.

But there was a wild card in the mix...

... Skeeto Bronsonnian

and his sidekick,

Mickey Doo Quicky Doo.

They all watched with excitement.

Lieutenant Jilli

and her two young cadets,

Aspenoff, and even

the great Captain Bugzoid.

[Patrick] Hey, since it's outer space,

Skeeto should talk like a goofy alien.

- [Skeeter] What?

- [Gibberish]

That's disgusting.

I'm not going to translate that.

Silence!

The leader of the new planet

shall be determined

the old-fashioned way:

A zero-gravity fight.

- [All gasp]

- [Continues gibberish]

[Skeeter] OK, now we get to the part

the crowd came to see.

Skeeto defeating Kendallo, right?

[Patrick] I think we need

to see them battle first.

[Laughs evilly]

[Gibberish]

[Yelling]

[Shouting]

[Grunts]

[Patrick] Kendallo makes the first move.

[Laughing]

- [Both] Skeeto!

- [Skeeter] But the kids

really want to see Skeeto

kick his butt, right?

- [Shouts]

- [Groans]

Wet willy.

[Laughs]

Boring!

Uh, bring out the booger monster!

[Skeeter] Oh, I think I'm gonna be sick.

[Crowd groaning]

[Shouting]

[Yelling]

[Skeeter] All right, have the booger

monster smack Kendallo around.

[Bobbi] No, I think he should kiss him.

- [Monster grunting]

- [Groaning]

[Skeeter] Would you get

to Skeeto winning already?

[Patrick] OK.

[Screams]

Whoa!

- [Monster cries]

- [Groaning]

Arise, Skeeto,

sharif of Nottinghamia.

[Screeching]

[Gibberish]

- Whoopee!

- Whoo!

[Whistling]

And that is the perfect ending

to our last story.

Thank you, children.

Oh, that's not the ending.

Yeah. That would be too obvious.

What do you mean?

Somebody threw a fireball at Skeeto

and Skeeto got incineratated.

- The end.

- "Incineratated"?

- [Crowd groans]

- [Skeeter] You mean "incinerated"?

No! No, no!

He can't catch on fire.

Yeah. I'm Captain Skeeto.

I'm on fire!

[Skeeter] No, no, no.

The story can't end like that.

What happened to a nice, happy ending?

You said happy endings

don't really happen.

We want our story to be real.

Oh, I was just saying that.

I was stupid.

- [Yawns]

- No, no, no, no, no.

So, what? We're really going

to have me on fire? Hey!

Don't fall asleep, or the story

will lock. Stop it! Wake up!

Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.

I can't believe

Skeeter didn't tell you.

And I'm sure it's just a

coincidence that the new hotel

is going up right here

where the, where the school is.

- Well, I'm pretty sure...

- [phone rings]

Excuse me. Yeah.

[Aspen] Everything's ready

for the presentation.

- Good.

- Ten-four, rubber duck.

Got it. Great.

[Ohio Players:
Fire]

Oh, uh

Fire

[radio clicks]

[Bruce Springsteen: I'm On Fire]

Oh, oh, oh

I'm on fire

[The Bangles:
Eternal Flame]

Is this burning

An et...

[The Trammps:
Disco Inferno]

Burn, baby, burn

OK. The good news is,

you're going to win the competition.

The bad news is,

you're probably gonna catch on fire,

but not if you take a few precautions.

Oven mitts, smoke alarm.

Yeah.

"Flame-resistant

Christmas tree spray." Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah,

this will work.

Excuse me. Sir?

Those are actually for Christmas trees.

I know. 'Tis the season.

- Ow! God!

- I'm so sorry.

[Sobbing] It burns!

Here, let me make it up to you.

- [Screams] Ow!

- It's for trees!

It's for trees!

You're right! That hurts!

I'm sorry about that!

[Aspen] Antibacterial wipes, anybody?

Aloha. Aloha.

Thank you so much.

Whoa!

Steady. Steady.

[Shouts]

- Kona coffee ice cream.

- Yeah? What's the catch?

You're gonna light it on fire?

'Cause I'm on to you, honey.

No fire. It would melt.

Just take the ice cream

and a chill pill.

- Ah!

- [Crowd] Boo!

- [Mickey] Skeeter.

- Yes.

- That wasn't very nice.

- What wasn't?

- You pushed that man in the pool.

- No, he jumped in.

Hey, you see Jill around?

No, I ain't, I ain't

seen Jill tonight, mate.

Ooh! I am cold.

- I'll get you a towel.

- [Cups falling]

- I've got your towel.

- Oh, blimey.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I love you.

[Bee buzzing]

You brought me a grilled cheese

sandwich once.

Yeah. I did, yes.

It was Monterey Jack.

It's a good cheese.

[Buzzing]

Ow!

Skeeter, are you all right?

A bee stung my tongue!

[Gongs]

The meeting for the exciting new hotel

will take place in the living room.

So I don't think you're going

to want to miss this.

No, it's swelling up!

- Can I sit there, please, mate?

- Yes, of course.

- Don't touch me.

- Sorry.

Before we begin,

I would just like to say,

personally, happy birthday.

[All] Happy birthday.

Happy birthday, Daddy.

Thank you, Kendall.

Yes, now, as you can see,

I've invited some of the staff to sit in

to see how your ideas would

play with the "regular folk."

- No offense.

- None taken, Barry. None taken.

[Barry] So, gentlemen,

which of you would like to go first?

Fair enough.

Mr. Nottingham,

you were absolutely right

when you said the rock and roll

theme was old hat.

Gone. Your insight, sir,

has inspired me to,

to dig deeper,

to find the commonality

at the heart

of the American experience.

I speak, of course...

...of the musical theater.

And, more specifically...

...Broadway!

Hit it.

Oh, when you first pull up

To the grand front door

There isn't just a bellhop

There's an overture

At the Nottingham

Broadway Mega Resort

Oh there's a pool

for the Sharks

A pool for the Jets

And you can bring Cats

'cause we take pets

- At the Nottingham Broadway

- [yawns]

Mega Resort

[whines]

Original, impressive, well done.

Thank you, Kendall.

- Thank you, sir.

- [Applause]

[Screams]

Uh, sorry about that.

I was, uh,

just resting my eyes.

Skeeter. You're up.

[Clearing throat]

[Gibberish]

Are you all right, Skeeter?

A bee bit my tongue.

I'm sorry?

A bee... stung my tongue.

"A bee stung my tongue."

Oh, you understand him? Oh.

How did a bee sting your tongue?

Uh...

I was eating ice cream,

and suddenly a bee...

Uh, it was on an ice cream,

and he licked it.

Hmm. Can you translate

Skeeter's presentation for us?

- Mmm!

- Uh... Yes!

Yes, I can do that.

[Clapping]

Thank you. Ready?

- [Mickey] I'm ready. OK.

- [Skeeter] Ready?

[Gibberish]

"I spent the last week in the hotel,

the hotel where I live..."

With my niece and nephew.

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