Behaving Badly Page #8

It's my favourite song.

I liked you because I thought

that you were different.

And clearly I was wrong.

No, Nina, I am different. When

I'm with you, I'm different.

It's just everyone around me

keeps messing me up, you know?

And I'm in this... Like the

bet, that wasn't even my idea.

Will you grow up?

Take responsibility

for your actions

and accept that some things

are 100% your fault.

Like the fact that I never

want to see you again.

Nina...

- Nina, I'm sorry.

- Will you go?

OK. Look, I...

Never mind.

Looking from the window above

It's like a story of love

Can you hear me?

Listen to the words that you say

It's getting harder to stay

When I see you...

Put that...

All I needed was

the love you gave

All I needed for another day

- And all I ever knew

- All I ever knew

Only you...

The cops arrested Dad

because you told them that he

was a Lithuanian mob kingpin.

Mom's on her way back from

rehab and she is pissed.

Ugh! It's my turn.

This is Kristen Stevens.

No, I'm the Godfather's daughter.

I'll sell you my exclusive story,

but not for a cent under 1,500.

OK, thank you.

You just sold your

story for $1,500?

This time. I've already sold

it for 1,000 and 1,200.

- You don't even have a story.

- You don't know that.

Ugh! It's my turn, twat!

If it wasn't for me, Dad

wouldn't have been arrested.

Stevens Crime Syndicate.

Why are you answering

the phone like that?

- Hey, Dad.

- Don't you "Hey, Dad" me.

Do you have any idea

what I've been through?

I lost my job. I spent the

night in a Lithuanian jail.

I woke up to someone

masturbating in my face!

And I have crabs!

- Did you break omerta?

- Cut the crap, you shithead.

I think I know where all

these mafia rumours started

and you are in serious

trouble, young man.

Psshhht! You're breaking up.

You're breaking up. Psshhht!

- I'm at a payphone, you f***!

- Going through a tunnel. Psht!

Don't you dare...

Dad says hi, by the way.

What the hell...?

What the hell...?!

Crabs. Great.

Buenos tardes.

Jesus Christ!

Can you use the front

door for once?

You're back.

I have no clue what you're saying.

I have a message for you from God.

Stop being such a screw-up.

Oh, and don't lose faith.

That's it? That's

all God has to say?

What did you want, the

winning lotto numbers?

It's Arbor Day.

Game's over, big boy.

Time to pay your debts.

What am I supposed to do?

How can I set things right?

Stop thinking with

your little head.

You were given two.

She always does that.

Which brings us back

to the beginning.

Not there. We already saw all that.

Stop! Now that we're back

to where we started,

your guess is as good as mine

as to how this f***er ends.

Forgive me, Father,

for I have sinned.

It's been, like, two months

since my last confession.

- It's been three years, Rick.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Whoa.

Tell me about you sins, child.

I've lied a few times.

Why did you lie?

I was trying to win the

heart of Nina Pennington,

but it didn't work.

Well, it's not a mortal sin.

Anything else?

I had sex a few times.

I'm gonna need names.

Well, first I almost got a blow job

from a stripper down at

the club named Cherysh.

That's a venial sin.

Serious nonetheless,

but not mortal.

And I've been having

sex kind of regularly

with... Mrs Bender.

- Pamela Bender?

- Yep.

Keith Bender's wife?

Your best friend Billy

Bender's mother?

- That one.

- You son of a b*tch!

You're the dirty little

cocksucker that gave me crabs!

You're excommunicated.

Ex-f***ing-communicated!

Well, that didn't go as

well as I had hoped.

I didn't get the chance

to tell Father Krumins

that the source of his crabs

was more likely a crack

whore from the Do-Me-Inn.

- Ricky.

- Mm-hm.

- Did you give me crabs?

- I think you gave them to me.

That is so funny.

Where's your mother?

Uh, well, she attempted suicide

and the ambulance driver

said she's probably dead.

Oh, my God. Are you sure?

She didn't have a

drink in her hand.

But she did leave this letter

blaming you for everything.

I called her last night?

I must've been much more

out of it than I thought.

I feel awful that I hurt my mother

by having sex with you, Mrs Bender,

so I promised God that I

wouldn't f*** you anymore

if he spares my mother's life.

Sounded a bit too

melodramatic, so I add...

- Do you want a cocktail?

- I've gotta get to the jail.

Make sure Billy hasn't

been raped or anything.

You didn't get him released yet?

I was tired.

I gotta go down to the hospital,

see if my mom's dead yet.

Will you call me as soon

as you know anything?

Because if she lives, I'll

rent us a room at the Hyatt.

Mrs Bender, I made a

promise to God and I...

What would you rather do,

explain to God how you

were momentarily weak

or explain to my husband, who

owns a store full of guns,

how he caught crabs?

I have to take responsibility

for my actions.

If I don't, somebody else might

try and kill themselves.

I had no idea that you

felt this way, Richard.

- Mrs Bender...

- I thought...

I thought that you

enjoyed our rendezvous.

I did, probably too much,

but you know how you said that

I should try something new?

- Mm-hm.

- You were right.

That's what I'm doing.

I'm gonna fix my family.

'Bye, Pamela. Thank

you for everything.

- I'll be right next door.

- OK. OK.

I have no plans tonight.

What are you doing here?

I was in the cafeteria. They

have bitchin' tater tots.

Aw, you look like hell.

It's my fault everything

is such a mess.

Nina won't speak to me.

My sister got thrown out of school.

Mom is probably dead.

Looks like we're finally

making some progress.

Progress?

For once, you're thinking about

somebody other than yourself.

Your mother would be so proud.

Where is she?

She dead, child.

What do you mean, dead?

Her heart stopped beating.

They took her down to the

furnace about 20 minutes ago.

But she can't be dead.

She's my mom.

Well, everybody gotta go sometime.

I'm sure she knew how

much you loved her.

Mothers always know.

I don't think she did.

She'll never know that

Kristen got into Stanford

or that Steven was gay.

I'm sure she did know that.

She'll be so pissed

that she was cremated.

You feed the dog like I asked?

I'm behind the curtain, stupid.

I heard you're the

genius that called 911

instead of letting me die in peace.

Oh, thank God.

Oh! At least you know

I'm opprobrious.

Did you bring me any vodka?

Have you cleaned out the

mini-bar already, Mom?

Listen, smart-ass, you're gonna

insist I hang around and live,

I'm gonna do it on my terms.

Honey, it's gonna take

more than that...

Do you know where I

could get some of that?

knock me out.

Four Vicodin and a big

bottle of Stoli might do it.

I'll be right back.

You know you're messing

everything up, right?

- What?

- Don't look so surprised.

I go through your trash.

I eavesdrop on your

phone conversations.

I know what you're up to.

I'll admit,

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