Being John Malkovich Page #6

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. WATCHMAKER'S WORKSHOP - DAY

An old man toils away in the dusty office.

WHITE:

Hmmm. I must have a small store

room to store my merchandise when

I am through working on it. I know,

I will build a tiny store room.

How cute!

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. VACANT OFFICE - DAY

WENDY:

Wow! That's some story, Don.

DON:

Truth is stranger than fiction,

Wendy!

They laugh.

TITLE:
THE END

CUT TO:

INT. ORIENTATION ROOM - DAY

The lights go up. Craig sits there for a moment. An usher

pushes a broom down the aisle.

CRAIG:

Bullshit.

Craig exits. The usher mumbles something into a

walkie-talkie.

CUT TO:

INT. VACANT ROOM - DAY

Craig opens the little door and climbs into the

membranous hallway. The door slams shut behind him.

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY - MORNING

It's dark and wet. The walls are soft and membranous.

There is a dripping sound. Craig crawls along. Soon

something starts to pull Craig as if he is being sucked

through a straw. There is a flash of light.

CUT TO:

INT. FANCY DINING ROOM - MORNING

The POV of someone reading a newspaper. The person lifts

a cup of coffee to his mouth. There is a slurping sound.

The person puts down the coffee cup and the newspaper, and

stands up.

CRAIG (CONT'D) (V.0.)

(losing his balance)

Whoa! What the hell? Where am I?

We're still in POV. The person walks across the room, picks

up his wallet from a coffee table. looks in a mirror and

checks his teeth for food. It's John Malkovich.

CRAIG (CONT'D) (V.0.)

Holy sh*t! It's that actor guy.

Sh*t! What's his name? That actor

guy! What's happening? Am I

inside him? Am I in his brain?

Am I him? Is he me? Does he know

I'm here? My brain is reeling!

Is his brain reeling?

Malkovich walks to the front door, opens it, exits his

apartment.

CUT TO:

INT. MAXINE'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

Maxine sits at her desk, eats a sandwich. looks at a

fashion magazine, and chats on the phone.

MAXINE:

The puppeteer told me he loves me

today.

(laughs)

I know. I can't think of anything

more pathetic.

CUT TO:

INT. TAXI - CONTINUOUS

John Malkovich's POV from the back seat of the cab. The

cab pulls away from the curb.

MALKOVICH (V.0.)

(resonant throughout)

The Broadhurst Theater, please.

The cabbie studies Malkovich in his rearview mirror as he

drives.

CABBIE:

Say, aren't you that actor guy?

MALKOVICH:

Yeah.

CABBIE:

John Makel...

CRAIG (V.0.)

John Malkovich! Of course!

CABBIE:

Mapplethorpe?

MALKOVICH (V.0.)

Malkovich.

CABBIE:

Malkovich!

CRAIG (V.0.)

John f***ing Malkovich!

CABBIE:

Yeah. I liked you in that one movie.

MALKOVICH (V.0.)

Thank you.

CABBIE:

The one where you're that jewel

thief.

MALKOVICH:

I never played a jewel thief.

CABBIE:

Who am I thinking of?

MALKOVICH:

I don't know.

CABBIE:

I'm pretty sure it was you. Hey,

could I get your autograph now?

It's for .... oh, what the hell,

it's for me! I'm your biggest

fan!

MALKOVICH:

Yeah, okay.

The cabbie hands a pad back over the seat. Malkovich

reaches for it. There is a slurping sound.

CRAIG (V.0.)

(panicky)

Ahhhh!

The image starts to fade, then suddenly goes black.

CUT TO:

EXT. DITCH - DAY

It’s on the side of Jersey Turnpike. There is a “pop” and

Craig falls from nowhere into the ditch. He is soaking wet,

and now dirty from the ditch. He stands, looks confusedly

around, sees a N.J. Turnpike sign. After a moment, he goes

to the side of the road and sticks out his thumb.

CUT TO:

INT. MAXINE'S OFFICE - LATER

Maxine sits behind her desk with her feet up, and talks on

the phone.

MAXINE:

Absolutely, doll. I'm just about

to close up here.

Craig walks in disheveled and exhausted. Maxine sees him,

keeps talking.

MAXINE (CONT’D)

(into phone)

Meet you at “The Pig” in twenty

minutes.

(laughs lasciviously)

Oh yeah, maybe I'll keep my legs

closed till then.

(hangs up. to Craig)

I'm splitting for the day. Lock up

for me, won't you, darling.

Maxine stands, puts some stuff in her purse.

CRAIG:

Don't you want to know what happened

to me?

MAXINE:

(considers)

No.

Maxine heads for the door. Craig grabs her arm.

CRAIG:

This is important!

MAXINE:

(looking at his hand on her arm)

It better be.

Craig sits Maxine down in a chair, lets go of her arm.

CRAIG:

There's a tiny door in that empty

office. It's a portal, Maxine. It

takes you inside John Malkovich.

You see the world through John

Malkovich's eyes, then, after about

fifteen minutes, you're spit out into

a ditch on the side of The New Jersey

Turnpike.

MAXINE:

Sounds delightful. Who the f*** is

John Malkovich?

CRAIG:

He's an actor. One of the great

American actors of the 20th century.

MAXINE:

What's he been in?

CRAIG:

Lots of things. He's very well

respected. That jewel thief movie,

for example. The point is that this

is a very odd thing, supernatural,

for lack of a better word. It raises

all sorts of philosophical questions

about the nature of self, about the

existence of the soul. Am I me? Is

Malkovich Malkovich? Was the Buddha

right, is duality an illusion? Do

you see what a can of worms this

portal is? I don't think I can go

on living my life as I have lived

it. There's only one thing to do.

Let's get married right away.

MAXINE:

Is this Malkovich fellow appealing?

CRAIG:

Yes, of course. He's a celebrity.

MAXINE:

Good. We'll sell tickets.

CRAIG:

Tickets to Malkovich?

MAXINE:

Exactly. Two hundred dollars a pop.

CRAIG:

But there's something profound here,

Maxine, we can't exploit it.

MAXINE:

Fine. I'll do it myself. I was going

to offer a partnership to you, but

this way it's more money for me.

CRAIG:

You wanted to be partners with me?

MAXINE:

(bored)

Sure. It'd be fun.

CRAIG:

(pleased)

Really?

(then:
)

But, Maxine, can of worms! End of

the world! Illusory nature of

existence!

MAXINE:

I'll protect you, Dollface.

Maxine reaches over and squeezes his lips affectionately

between her thumb and forefinger.

CRAIG:

(in love)

Oh. Maxine.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Craig and Lotte are getting into evening clothes.

LOTTE:

Don't be ridiculous. There is no such

thing as a portal into someone else's

brain.

CRAIG:

Brain. soul, I'm telling you, Lotte.

I was right inside him looking out.

We're going to be rich.

LOTTE:

I want to try.

CRAIG:

What?

LOTTE:

I want to be John Malkovich. Tomorrow

morning. Plus I'd like to meet this

partner of yours.

CRAIG:

(nervously)

Well, you know we're going to be

very busy tomorrow. I'll tell you

what. Let's do it tonight. Right

now.

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