Being John Malkovich Page #7

LOTTE:

Now?

CRAIG:

Yeah. We'll do it right now. On

the way to Lester's house.

CUT TO:

INT. CRAIG AND MAXINE'S OFFICE - NIGHT

Craig holds open the small door as Lotte climbs in.

CRAIG:

I'll meet you on the turnpike.

LOTTE:

I'm scared.

The door slams shut.

CRAIG:

Me too, babe.

Craig hurries out the door.

CUT TO:

INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT

Malkovich is in the shower. We watch from his POV as

he soaps himself. He does this in a sensual manner.

LOTTE (V.0.)

Holy cow!

Malkovich steps out of the shower, slowly towels himself

dry.

LOTTE (V.0.)

Oh, yes. Yes.

CUT TO:

EXT. DITCH - NIGHT

Lotte lands in the ditch. She is wet and ragged. Traffic

whizzes by. Craig turns on the headlights in his parked

car. They shine on Lotte. Craig steps out of the car.

LOTTE:

I have to go back.

CRAIG:

Okay. Maybe tomorrow.

LOTTE:

I have to go back now.

CRAIG:

We'll talk about it in the car.

Craig helps Lotte up and toward the car.

CUT TO:

INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S CAR - NIGHT

Craig drives. Lotte looks distractedly out the window.

LOTTE:

I have to go back, Craig. Being

inside did something to me. All of a

sudden everything made sense. I knew

who I was.

CRAIG:

You weren't you. You were John

Malkovich.

LOTTE:

(tickled)

I was, wasn't I?

(yelling out the window)

I was John f***ing Malkovich!

(laughs, then intensely)

Take me back, Craig.

CRAIG:

Tomorrow. We're late for Lester.

CUT TO:

INT. LESTER'S DINING ROOM - NIGHT

It's a posh place with flocked wallpaper and candelabras.

Lester, Craig, and Lotte sit around an elegantly appointed

table with all different sorts of juices in front of them.

Lotte is still wet. Lester sits quite close to her.

LESTER:

Tell me, Lotte, can you understand

a word I'm saying?

LOTTE:

Yes, of course, Dr. Lester.

LESTER:

Oh, be still my heart.

LOTTE:

Dr. Lester, would you point me

toward the restroom?

LESTER:

With immense pleasure, my dear. Down

that hall, ninth door on the left.

Watch the step down. It's sunken,

you know.

Lotte smiles, and heads down the hall.

CRAIG:

Dr. Lester...

LESTER:

More beet-spinach juice, my friend?

CRAIG:

No thank you sir. It's delicious,

though. I just wanted to thank you

for the opportunity to work at

LesterCorp, but I'm afraid I'm

going to have to tender my resignation

effectively immediately.

LESTER:

I see. Are you unhappy at our little

company?

CRAIG:

No sir, not at all. It's just that

I'm going to open my own business

and...

LESTER:

And what sort of business will this

be? If you don't mind my asking.

CRAIG:

Uh, import-export. Olive oil. Right

on 7 1/2 actually.

(beat)

In the vacant office. So we'll still

be seeing each other.

LESTER:

The vacant office. I see. Olive oil.

Interesting. Be warned, Schwartz,

there are certain “doors” which

should never be opened.

CUT TO:

INT. LESTER'S HALLWAY - NIGHT

Lotte walks down the ritzy hallway. She is counting closed

doors in search of the bathroom. She opens a door, looks

inside, gasps, then enters the room.

CUT TO:

INT. LESTER' S ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Lotte enters the room. It is dark. At the far end there

is what amounts to a candle-lit shrine to John Malkovich.

The centerpiece of the shrine is an enormous photograph

of Malkovich bordered by a garland of flowers. Lotte stares

at it for a moment, then drops to her knees in front of it.

CUT TO:

INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE' S BATHROOM - NIGHT

Lotte has just taken a shower. She towels herself dry in

much the same way as Malkovich. Her eyes are closed. She

opens them slowly and sees herself in the mirror.

Disappointedly, she drops the towel and heads out of the

bathroom.

CUT TO:

INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S GARAGE - NIGHT

Craig sits at his work table. He is pulling the heads off

of the Craig and the Maxine puppets. He puts the Maxine

head on the Craig puppet. He sighs.

CRAIG:

My kingdom for your portal, Maxine.

CUT TO:

INT. CRAIG AND MAXINE'S OFFICE - MORNING

Maxine sits at her desk composing an ad. Craig stands

behind her, ostensibly looking over her shoulder, but

actually studying the back of her head. He sighs.

MAXINE:

Okay. Here it is.

(reading)

Ever want to be someone else? Now you

can. No kidding. Only two hundred

dollars for fifteen minutes. Visit

J.M. Inc., Mertin-Flemmer Building.

etc., etc.

CRAIG:

Sounds good. Oblique but intriguing.

Phone it in.

Maxine dials the phone. Lotte enters.

CRAIG:

Lotte! Why aren't you at the pet

shop?

LOTTE:

F*** pets. Is this your partner?

I had to come back and do the

Malkovich ride again. F*** everything

else. Is this her?

MAXINE:

(into phone)

Yes, hello, I wanted to place an ad.

(to Lotte)

Hi, are you Craig's wife?

LOTTE:

Yes, Hi.

CRAIG:

Lotte, Maxine. Maxine, Lotte.

Lotte and Maxine shake hands.

LOTTE:

Hi. Have you done Malkovich yet?

MAXINE:

Hi, uh.

(into phone)

Hi. I wanted to place an ad. Yes.

"Ever want to be someone else?"

No, that's the ad, but let's talk

about you in a minute. "Ever want

to be someone else? Now you can.

No kidding..."

CRAIG:

(to Lotte)

Why aren't you at work?

LOTTE:

I've been going over and over my

experience last night. It was amazing.

(beat)

I've decided I'm a transsexual. Isn't

that the craziest thing?

CRAIG:

What, are you nuts? That's Oprah

talking.

LOTTE:

Everything felt right for the first

time. I need to go back to make sure,

then if the feeling is still there.

I'm going to speak to Dr. Feldman

about sexual reassignment surgery.

CRAIG:

This is absurd. Besides Feldman's an

allergist. If you're going to do

something, do it right.

CRAIG (cont'd)

(beat)

It's just the thrill of seeing through

someone else's eyes, sweetie. It'll

pass.

LOTTE:

Don't stand in the way of my

actualization as a man, Craig.

MAXINE:

(hanging up the phone)

Let her go, Craig. I mean “him."

CRAIG:

(anything for Maxine)

Yeah, okay.

(opens the portal door)

I'll pick you up.

Lotte enters. Craig closes the door. stands there.

MAXINE:

You better hurry. Traffic.

Maxine tosses Craig his car keys. He heads out the door.

Maxine dials the phone.

MAXINE (CONT'D)

(into phone)

Davey? Max. Get me John Malkovich's

home phone? That's great. Love ya

and owe ya.

CUT TO:

INT. JOHN MALKOVICH'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

Malkovich's POV. He sits on the couch. drinks coffee,

and reads a copy of Awake and Sing. Bach plays on the

stereo in the background.

MALKOVICH:

(reading aloud)

So you believe in God... you got

something for it? You worked for

all the capitalists. You harvested

the fruit from your labor? You got

God!

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