Being John Malkovich Page #8

LOTTE (V.0.)

What raw, animal power!

MALKOVICH:

But the past comforts you? The

present smiles on you, yes?

The phone rings. Malkovich puts down the script, and picks

up the phone.

MALKOVICH (CONT'D)

(into phone)

Yeah?

MAXINE (0.S.)

(telephone voice)

Mr. Malkovich?

MALKOVICH:

Who's calling?

MAXINE (0.S.)

You don't know me, but I'm a great

admirer of yours.

MALKOVICH:

How'd you get this number?

MAXINE (0.S.)

It's just that I fantasize about

you and, well, speaking to you

now has gotten me sort of excited

and...

LOTTE (0.S.)

(turned on)

Oh, I like this.

MALKOVICH:

Listen, this is not amusing. Please

don't call here any...

MAXINE (0.S.) (giggling)

Ooh, such authority! NY nipples are

at attention, General Malkovich, sir.

So I'll be at Bernardo's tonight at

eight. Please, please meet me there.

I just adored you in that jewel thief

movie...

Malkovich hangs up the phone.

LOTTE (V.O.)

My God!

(attempting thought control)

Meet her there. Meet her there. Meet

her there. Meet her there. Meet her

there...

Malkovich goes back to his script.

LOTTE (V.O.) (CONT'D)

Meet her there. Meet her there. Meet

her there...

Malkovich picks up a pen and writes: Bernardo's 8:00.

CUT TO:

EXT. DITCH - MORNING

Craig waits. Lotte pops into the ditch. She's wet and slimy.

CRAIG:

How was it?

LOTTE:

I have to go back tonight. At eight

Exactly.

CRAIG:

Why?

LOTTE:

Don't crowd me, Craig.

CUT TO:

INT. BERNARDO'S - NIGHT

Malkovich's POV. It's a busy Italian restaurant. Malkovich

looks around, checks his watch: 8:03. A guy walks up to him.

GUY:

Excuse me, are you John Malkovich?

MALKOVICH:

Yes.

GUY:

Wow. You were really great in that

movie where you played that retard.

MALKOVICH:

Thank you very much.

GUY:

I just wanted to tell you that. And

say thank you. I have a cousin that's

a retard, so, as you can imagine, it

means a lot to me to see retards

portrayed on the silver screen so

compassionately.

The guy walks away. Malkovich scans the room. Maxine enters

the restaurant. We see her, but Malkovich doesn't single her

out of the crowd. She looks around.

LOTTE (V.O.)

Maxine!

Maxine spots Malkovich. and heads over. He focuses on her.

MAXINE:

Hi. I'm so glad you decided to

come. I'm Maxine.

Maxine holds out her hand. She is charming. Malkovich takes

her hand.

MALKOVICH:

I'm John. I didn't think I was going

to come, but I felt oddly compelled.

I have to admit I was a bit intrigued

by your voice.

LOTTE (V.O.)

God, she's beautiful. The way she's

looking at me. At him. At us.

MAXINE:

And the funny thing is. Mr. Malkovich,

my voice is probably the least

intriguing thing about me.

LOTTE (V.O.)

I've never been looked at like this

by a woman.

MALKOVICH:

Can I get you a drink?

MAXINE:

Whatever you're having.

CUT TO:

INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S CAR - NIGHT

Craig drives. Lotte is soaking wet. She stares out the

window.

CRAIG:

So how was it? What was he doing?

LOTTE:

Oh, you know, not a lot. Just hanging

around his apartment. I think he must

be a lonely man.

CRAIG:

You see, men can feel unfulfilled,

too. I'm glad you're realizing that.

You shouldn't be so quick to assume

that switching bodies would be the

answer to all your problems.

LOTTE:

You're right. You know I was thinking

that we should have Maxine over for

dinner. Since you two are partners

and all. It might be a nice gesture.

CRAIG:

I don't know. There's some tension

between us. I'd hate to expose you to

that.

LOTTE:

It'll be okay. I'll fix my lasagna.

We’ll smoke a joint.

(dreamily)

Tensions will melt away.

CUT TO:

INT. CRAIG AND LOTTE'S DINING ROOM - NIGHT

Craig, Lotte, and Maxine are seated at the table and eating

lasagna. Lotte eyes Maxine. Craig eyes Maxine. There is an

awkward silence.

LOTTE:

(to Maxine)

Did you know that Eskimos have not

one, but fifty words for snow. It's

because they have so much of it.

CRAIG:

After dinner I'll show you my puppets.

MAXINE:

Ah.

LOTTE:

After that I'll introduce you to my

favorite monkey, Elijah. He's got an

ulcer, due to a suppressed childhood

trauma. But we're getting to the

bottom of it.

(whispers)

Psychotherapy.

There is another silence.

MAXINE:

(to no one in particular)

The way I see it, the world is divide

into those go after what they want

and those who don't. The passionate

ones, the ones who go after what they

want, may not get what they want, but

they remain vital, in touch with

themselves, and when they lie on

their deathbeds, they have few

regrets. The ones who don't go

after what they want... well, who

gives a sh*t about them anyway?

Maxine laughs. There is another silence. Suddenly, at the

same moment, both Craig and Lotte lunge for Maxine and

start kissing her passionately about the face and neck.

They stop just as suddenly and look at each other.

CRAIG:

You?

Lotte looks away.

MAXINE:

Craig, I just don't find you

attractive. And, Lotte, I'm smitten

with you, but only when you're in

Malkovich. When I looked into his

eyes last night, I could feel you

peering out. Behind the stubble and

the too-prominent brow and the male

pattern baldness, I sensed your

feminine longing peering out, and

it just slew me.

CRAIG:

(disgusted)

My God.

Lotte strokes Maxine's face. Craig clears dishes from the

table.

MAXINE:

(to Lotte, removing her hand)

Only to John, sweetie. I'm sorry.

(gets up)

Thanks for a wonderful dinner.

(walks past kitchen. to Craig)

No hard feelings, partner.

Maxine exits. Craig and Lotte look at each other.

LOTTE:

I want a divorce.

CUT TO:

INT. CRAIG AND MAXINE'S OFFICE - MORNING

It is deadly silent. Craig and Maxine sit at their desks.

The wall clock ticks. Craig whistles tunelessly, every

once in a while looking up and discreetly checking out

Maxine. Eventually there is a knock at the door.

CRAIG:

(a little too urgently)

Come in!

Erroll, a sad, fat young man enters meekly.

ERROLL:

Hello, I'm here about the ad.

CRAIG:

Please, have a seat.

Erroll sits in a chair in front of Craig's desk. He

glances nervously over at Maxine.

ERROLL:

When you say, I can be somebody

else, what do you mean exactly?

CRAIG:

Exactly that. We can put you inside

someone else's body for fifteen minutes.

ERROLL:

Oh, this is just the medical

breakthrough I've been waiting for.

Are their any side effects? Please

say no! Please say no!

MAXINE:

No.

ERROLL:

Long term psychic or physiological

repercussions?

MAXINE:

No. Don't be an ass.

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